I have found that sometimes we take relapses lightly. For me one relapse is too many. I have worked with my sponsees, very strongly and made certain that they did not relapse. I got them into recovery immediately and embarked on the working of the steps with them. Why do I say this? Because I nearly died of alcoholism, had my sponsor not intervened, timeously in my 3rd year of sobriety. Lurking underneath was the notion that I could drink again sometimes in the future. The thought was crushed, but it keeps rearing it's ugly head, if I do not grow spiritually. This is the everlasting dilemma facing the alcoholic.
One of my sponsees called me the other day. He was 23 years old, chronic relapser, when he came to me for sponsorship. He's got 12 years of sobriety now. He stopped talking to me at one time, because of the rather "strong handed" sponsorship. He called to thank me for the strong sponsorship which I had given him. What blessed me, was the work he is doing among the still suffering alcoholic. Alcoholics will not die if we sponsor them correctly and much of the 12 steps are bitter pills, but get increasingly sweeter and sweeter, if we work them.
Some of my sponsees, have turned their backs on AA, still sober, but not doing 12 step work. The 12 steps are a design for living. The 12th step is an ultimate gift of God, the gift of all gifts and I do not want to squander it.
Sounds you you are very willing to work with others.
We all become the sponsors we become. As long as we are all passing down the same set of directions, we are allowed to have the personalities God gave us. I have to be careful of this though.
I can't give another alcoholic willignness. I can however say in a meeting that I'm available to sponsor anyone who's willing to go through the work. I let people come to me.That way I know they have their own willingness. If they don't make it through the steps, I can't be surprised if I've pushed them into it.
I try not to play God here or take on His repsonsibilities. I rely on God instead (to bring me people Himself, and as i work with them). I can't "save" people - that is codependent and it leads us to being victimized sometimes.We are not powerful enogh to make someone do the steps and yes, some will even die. But most will be back.
So basically I just stay open for whomever God brings me.
If someone doesn't want to work with me anymore I tell her she has helped me and it is my hope for her that at some point she will do the work with someone.
gonee wrote:
I have found that sometimes we take relapses lightly. For me one relapse is too many. I have worked with my sponsees, very strongly and made certain that they did not relapse. I got them into recovery immediately and embarked on the working of the steps with them. Why do I say this? Because I nearly died of alcoholism, had my sponsor not intervened, timeously in my 3rd year of sobriety. Lurking underneath was the notion that I could drink again sometimes in the future. The thought was crushed, but it keeps rearing it's ugly head, if I do not grow spiritually. This is the everlasting dilemma facing the alcoholic.
One of my sponsees called me the other day. He was 23 years old, chronic relapser, when he came to me for sponsorship. He's got 12 years of sobriety now. He stopped talking to me at one time, because of the rather "strong handed" sponsorship. He called to thank me for the strong sponsorship which I had given him. What blessed me, was the work he is doing among the still suffering alcoholic. Alcoholics will not die if we sponsor them correctly and much of the 12 steps are bitter pills, but get increasingly sweeter and sweeter, if we work them.
Some of my sponsees, have turned their backs on AA, still sober, but not doing 12 step work. The 12 steps are a design for living. The 12th step is an ultimate gift of God, the gift of all gifts and I do not want to squander it.
"I have found that sometimes we take relapses lightly."
I'm not sure if you ment to disparage the entire fellowship of Alcoholics Anonynous with this. Who is this "we"? I don't know anyone who takes relapse lightly. Most members of the fellowship I know treat relapse without judgement and with compassion. The only person I have any control over is me.
"Alcoholics will not die if we sponsor them correctly..." I find this statement troubling. Sponsors are not God, and again. We can only keep one person from drinking, that is ourself. Sponsors can only guide someone through the steps, not take them for the sponsee. To blame a sponsor for someone dying or drinking is just plain wrong. Wow!
If one is taught the program completely and continues to work the program daily, as suggested ... then one never needs fear relapse ... if we are tempted to drink, and we will be, then we'll recoil from the idea immediately and fill our heads with different thoughts ... NOW IF I slack off doing my morning and evening prayers, talking to my sponsor, going to meetings, sponsoring others, or back off practicing these principles in all my affairs, then I set myself up for relapse ... but not as long as I practice the program as a whole, in its entirety ...
I've worked with a guy for three years ... everything was going along well and he was a couple weeks from his 3-year medallion ... he went a couple weeks without calling me and decided to drink ... he called me while drinking and I knew immediately what was going on ... I asked him if he was drinking and he denied it, several times in fact ... I said man put down the drink and get to a meeting tomorrow and we'll talk ... he did ... we talked ... I said the time to call when you feel the temptation and you're weak, is to call right now, before you drink, not after ... he said I know ... he said I didn't call you because I really wanted that drink and I knew you'd talk me out of it ...
He picked up a new 'white chip' at the end of the meeting and was greeted by at least 4 crying women to console him ... He called me after and said 'I don't want to ever have to do that again' ... referring to having the women come cry on his shoulder ... he said 'I don't want to ever disappoint them ever again' ... I told him it's not them you should stay sober for, it's you that you should stay sober for ...
His one-night spree taught a lot of people a good lesson about the cunning, baffling, powerful alcohol ... a lesson that won't be soon forgot in our 'tight-knit' group ...
A sponsor can only do so much, it's up to the individual to use what they've learned ... I wanted to 'paddle' him and berate him, instead, I opened my arms to welcome him back to sanity ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well, I really don't have too much to say on this topic, never sponsored somebody. I can say, however, that my sponser is a great fit for me.. She offers wisdom, support, kind words, and discipline. Her and I work very well together, thankfully:) She has another sponsee who has relapsed a half dozen times in as many months as I have sober. I couldn't tell you why their ' partnership' doesn't work. It depends on any number of factors, I suppose, but I certainly wouldn't blame my sponser for any misguidance with someone else.. Perhaps her style just doesn't work for everyone- I'm grateful it has helped me tremendously.
In our area, we typically call our sponsors 'temporary' ... it's easier to move around and find that great 'match' of 'sponsor to sponsee' that way ... no one likes the idea of being 'locked in' to another person if things don't work out ...
And some sponsees go out and relapse no matter who is sponsoring them ... Just a fact we have to deal with ... but we need to be there if they wish to try again ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
