The disease of more

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

The disease of more

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

The meeting I went to today was a grapevine meeting. One of the central themes in the story was that the writer had never been able to practice moderation in almost any area of life. Of course when it came time to share, I discussed how binge eating, dieting, exercising, working, and sex have all been problems for me at different times (aside from the obvious problem with alcohol). Food is a consistent one still. I was shocked to hear that almost everyone in the room had issues with food and not being able to have just 1 of anything they likes and that this pattern emerged in early childhood for most of us.

I know that moderation is certainly not in my vocabulary. I try not to be hard on myself cuz I'm doing so much better. I'm also not going to die if I eat a whole cereal box and I might certainly die if I go back to drinking. Somebody compared sobriety to a game of whack-a-mole in that when you take away the booze, our compulsions show up in other ways and you keep pushing one down and another one pops up.

I strive for balance, but it's strange to hear that even people with decades of sobriety still have to work hard at this balance thing...

It was a funny and enlightening meeting. I am always amazed at how we alcoholics connect to each other on so many levels aside from just the history of drinking.

jj · MIP Old Timer

Oh, Mark, great share. I am a binger with food, volunteering, buying books, collecting cast iron pans...all kinds of things.... Balance is not my first thought of the day, but i am so thankful i don't have to drink anymore. i still love sweets and rich foods and need to work on a balanced diet and exercise, as you mentioned. God has been so good to me, my mind is much sharper. i just need to develop a healthy "pattern of living my life".... but it takes work, i just have to be willing. big hugs, jj/sheila

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Sheila = that is exactly me LOL
Excellent Point Mark!

It amazed me how strict I could be with food - but not with alcohol. Shopping is another story - I am a deal seeker, and I don't buy just one when I find a really good bargain. I'm addicted to buying and selling stuff these days, and it's actually my income, so I've found balance, but not really, if that makes sense. The stuff doesn't pile up like with hoarding - I get a reward of an income, but it's still a thrill I recognize as an addiction. I'm on the computer all day... and trying to be a mother and teacher. I try and keep it all balanced, and if my kids need attention from me, I have to realize my love was lacking for them to get to that point. I try and then offer more love BEFORE the "need" it - and keep the activities fresh for them, so I have time to sit here on this board and learn, and pop back and forth to my job/hobby/income/addiction.

In all honesty, I feel pretty good about how things are going, but I'm keeping a VERY close eye on anything that seems to dominate... so far.

odat · Senior Member

I was just remembering this morning for some reason how at 8 years old at a birthday party all the girls got a present. You either got a game of Ball and Jacks or a Butterfinger candy bar. Of course all the girls (excpet me) wanted the game because that lasts longer. I won the game and traded it with a litle girl who was very happy with the trade. I still remember sitting in that driveway, the exact slope and color of the tar, realizing I had nothing left after tha candy was gone. But it was soooo good going down. It's sad.

At age 4 I asked for my first cup of coffee and instructed my mother, "And don't dilute it, Mummy." Maybe I just wanted to be like the adults, but I certainly have a coffee problem otday, as does my mother and did her mother.

Cigarettes and coffee have kept my weight ok but they have to go now too. It's so hard. I will do it though.

Basically this is all the ego looking for relief until we make our puprose in life working for God and stop thinking about what we can get for ourselves. This spiritual living thing is serious business, my life depends on it.

We do tend to beat ourselves up and that's no good either though. For me the amends process had to be done very thoroughly after steps 1-7 in order to diminish my guilt and shame.

As long as I don't become a power-stealer and hurt others - and keep working at not hurting myself and increasing my relationship with God, all will be fine.

Closer · Senior Member

I've had this same experience with myself as well. I find I eat a lot and Im watching it 24 hrs a day. Ive created a diet that includes no alcohol and tobacco, no drugs, and Ive cut out a lot of fried food, pop, and fast things, I find if Im always wanting something I mineswell eat healthy choices and choose vegetables or w.hy. over a pop or a burger etc...

Col · MIP Old Timer

Yes, I absolutely have trouble with balance. I tend to buy things that are 'treats' to myself since getting sober. Granted, some of these are necessary, but oftentimes they are not. Clothes is a big one for me, and jewelry ( the girly stuff). My coffee consumption has almost tripled, and I smoke more cigarettes. I'm trying to find a 'healthy' balance.. Or figure out what that is. I'm also somewhat of a workaholic. I've cut down on shifts significantly, but still when I tell people my schedule they're floored. I'm just starting to trust myself with free time. For me, I think the shopping is certainly some sort of attempt to soothe myself. I'm beginning to stop myself before hitting the stores and find another activity that may be more fulfilling- like reading or going for a walk. I find that as my spiritual life develops, I have less need or desire to have more external possessions and stimuli. I often feel like a little kid demanding 'more!!'.

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

Stop button, eh? What are they? If I like something then I obsess about it and do it again and again and again until it's no longer fun and has begun to act as a negative. Then I do it some more.

But the good news is that I'm getting better. It's sometimes hard to say no, but at least I can do it now (before I was like The Fonz trying to say sorry: "N.... n.... n.... Oh, OK. Just one more"). I can also channel my obsessiveness into healthy and productive things these days if I really have to go overboard on something. Not quite balanced yet, but I'm getting there. Progress, not perfection, yeah?

nezyb · Senior Member

I can certainly relate to the wack a mole idea of compulsions ..... I too have found myself substituting things like shopping or eating in place of my old drinking and other behaviors. The thrill of finding a piece of milk glass or a Pyrex pattern I didn't have yet..... Then one day I saw a whole collection of milk glass similar to mine and thought "this is probably going to be where my stuff winds up when I'm gone, it has no meaning to my family " That was the day it lost a lot of it's meaning for me too. I really love what Col said "I find that as my spiritual life develops, I have less need or desire to have more external possessions or stimuli" So well put girl !!! today I am trying to focus on my insides rather than looking for external things to bring me pleasure. Now if I can only learn to use the library and borrow those self help books instead of buying them....

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

nezyb wrote:
Now if I can only learn to use the library and borrow those self help books instead of buying them....

Hey nezyb, ... ... ... self help books ???

Consider this ... ... ... I met my sponsor at a coffee shop/book store one time for coffee ... I got there before he did and when he came in, he found me looking at the books in the 'Self-Help' section of the store ...

He asked me 'What are you doing?' ... I said I was just looking at these 'self-help' books ... He asked 'You got many of those at home?' ... I said , 'yes, a bunch' ... He said 'GO HOME AND GET RID OF ALL THOSE BOOKS' ... I asked 'Why?' ... He said 'YOU'RE trying to build up the very person YOU need to get rid of ... now go home and toss those books ... all you need is in the AA BB and the 12&12 ... '

Just sayin' ...

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 9th of September 2012 12:03:07 PM

stayhumble · Senior Member

Great topic! Thanks for sharing this. Good ideas for me to read about right now!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

With me it's collecting things. Although I'm practical and collect things that I can use, like t-shirts, coffee mugs, music cd's, motorcycles, guitars, stereo equipment... There is definitely this urge, that if it feels good to have something that getting a few more of those items would be a good idea

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey Mark, heard someone in one of my meetings share about the "whack-a-mole" experience just the other day. Whack the drink, and up comes something else.

And....to show how the world over, we're all on the same beam, I went to an AA anniversary breakfast this morning. Each of us at my table all had the same experience: right from when we were kids, we had to have more of something -- one was just never enough.

Still like that with some things, but thanks to the steps, I don't need to have just one more drink, since I don't need to take this first drink anymore! :)

Great topic and great shares on here.

Steve

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Yes, I can relate. It's all or nothing for me too. It's gotten better with The Steps and a HP of my understanding, but the mole can rear it's head in many different forms.

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Col said "I find that as my spiritual life develops, I have less need or desire to have more external possessions or stimuli"

______

This is so true for me. If I'm in fit Spiritual condition, the need to go outside myself is much less. Proof that The Program does indeed work. I'm the obstacle to it not working........ confuse

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

I have "re-used" this wack a mole analogy about 10 times already since reading this! Love it! Thanks for sharing this Mark - and for being here for us.