So awesome Tasha. There was something about you from that start. A spark of willingness. When you deleted your first account here, folks were sad and disappointed. Usually it isn't that way. We have other sober women here with time (Leeu and a couple others) but the board was really lacking ESH from a female and a mom with young kids. I guess what I am saying is your HP had a plan for you here, in your meetings, with your family....everywhere and getting sober was meant for you.
Have you noticed there are like 3 other young women now that post with just a little less time than you? When I was getting sober, I did not identify with the person with multiple years of sobriety. I identified with the person that had a few more days or months than me. I'm glad you are receiving the gifts of this program - not just for you, your children, and the rest of your family, but for all those you will help and those you already are helping.
Keep at it!
Mark
P.S. - I know Tasha is not the HP of all our new women posters here and she's not the leader of a new MIP chick clique lol. However, she is working a firm AA program and that's the example I think some folks are gravitating towards....not just women.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 8th of September 2012 01:17:22 PM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
No amount of being shown holes in the brains of alcoholics, livers the size of watermelons, or sobbing family members who's loved one was killed by a drunk driver was going to stop me from taking my next drink. That was the sad truth I was living in. In fact, hearing the threats, the cries and rational way of looking at things didn't do much but make me feel worse about myself, and what I was doing. And I didn't have any way to cope with how terrible I felt except to drink. I didn't know that how I thought about things could change. I didn't even know that it was possible to not feel terrible guilt over these things and chose another path in my mind... that would allow me to lean on my HP. All I knew how to do was drink over such things... because I didn't have the program or the steps provided to me in AA.
What else could be expected of an alcoholic?
If you say to me "but look at what you're doing to your children... look at the damage you're doing to your body", I don't just suddenly grow tools to live a better life out of my ass!
No. That's never worked for me. Instead, I needed to go to an AA meeting... listen to your stories of hope and recovery... the trials you overcame similar to mine... and then take the welcoming hand extended to me. To the ones who didn't size me up to see if I was good enough, I owe my life. Because I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve to be in that nice warm seat with a hot cup of coffee in my hand. But I was given a chance anyway - and now I have a life I didn't think was possible.
Thanks to AA - my HP - and YOU
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Great share, Tasha. It really didn't matter to me either; I still drank regardless. From The victims impact panel, to the countless stories heard every day in A.A. meetings; none of that truly mattered. I had to get a leg up on this disease 'first' before I took sobriety seriously. And that's been my greatest area for development ever since. Thanks again for the post, it really hit home.
Also to add to this issue of not being able to tell an alcoholic what to do to straighten out their life, is the fact that we have to reach a point where we DO, in fact, realize that something must change or the consequences will be dire (our bottom if you will) ... we all reached that point ... YES, your correct ... in that we go through a period of time where absolutely no one can help us ... but those of us here got to the point where we heard something, experienced something, lost something or someone, before making a decision to seek help ...
We cannot accurately judge where others are in there addiction all the time, but we DO have enough experience to see the truth of their situation, most of the time, more clearly than they can ... I don't see this as judging them, merely seeing the truth for what it is ... AND many times our prospects don't have the capacity to be honest with themselves ...
But the fact remains, that we may be able to relate some of our story and grab their attention ... if nothing else, we can open the door to recovery for them and invite them in ... what we do next depends on them entirely ...
Just sayin' Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Once again, Tasha you have said what I needed to hear. You put things exactly what I was thinking and exactly where I want to go with the program. I am so grateful I have been able to find this site and read your posts. You are an amazing inspiration and you speak the truth. Drinking for me was always a way to cope, just like you said. I know how horrible I was to the people I love but to cope it was easier just to get drunk and forget all about it and forget I did. Your words really reach me and I hope other mothers are blessed to read them as I have. Please keep it up, I am so thankful.
That's one of the greatest gifts of this program, the idea that we believe we are not good enough but there is always someone to show us we are. The whole "we'll love you until you can love yourself" concept is one I couldn't grasp at first. I thought, if you really knew me, you wouldn't be saying that. When I was drinking I could rationalize and justify my behavior till the cows came home. I blamed others close to me. If my husband loved me more, if my son didn't have autism, if my daughter hadn't have moved out...... From my perspective of ego and self centeredness I always had a reason or could find someone else to blame so I could continue drinking. Today I am so grateful I don't live that way anymore. I have hope and faith and even a bit of serenity. I am learning to love myself, and realizing that that is ok. I am being taught this by my AA family here at home and on this board. Thank you.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
"If you say to me "but look at what you're doing to your children... look at the damage you're doing to your body", I don't just suddenly grow tools to live a better life out of my ass!"
GREAT POINT!!! HAHAHA
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Willingness without action is fantasy!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don't say it mean.
It's the insanity of alcholism and addiction - even I can relate to that not having kids cuz people would say "Look at the risks you are taking! You could get fired. You are killing yourself! You could kill someone else!" We have all heard that and it doesn't sink in until that moment of clarity we are blessed with to then begin working a program.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yep, pre-AA all those bad things, the livers the size of watermelons (I shouldn't have lol'd but I did), etc, either happened or were going to happen to a) alcoholics (and I wasn't one, was I), or b) if I was such a creature, other alcoholics. Took a while in AA, but I got into my skull that a) I was an alcoholic and b) that *wouldn't* happen to me, *if* I worked this program of recovery.
I had to chuckle when I read this. Livers the size of watermelons...actually, a painful enlarged liver was what got me to the rooms. None of the other destruction caused by my drinking motivated me to quit, but the pain of a swollen liver was just the ticket to make me scared enough to even entertain the idea that maybe I should do something about my "little habit". Then a wonderful not so coincidental happening occurred. Once I started to consider quitting drinking God visited me one lonely night and gave me the strength I needed to walk through the doors of AA. It's been one day at a time since then. :)
-- Edited by vixen on Monday 10th of September 2012 11:07:14 AM
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
