I have just a quick story to relate. On Sunday, I attended the weekly meeting of my home group. This group meets only once a week, but it's my home group because it's the first meeting I attended. I could not attend the prior weeks meeting because I got stuck at work late .. It's the meeting I would've gotten my 90 day chip at (wound up getting it at another meeting). So my sponser told me to get another one on Sunday anyway even though it was day 102 for me and I already recieved a chip. The time comes for the passing out of chips and '90 days' is announced, and another girl stands up to get her chip. I was very proud of and happy for her. I didn't get up to get a chip... I didn't want to take her moment away from her. My sponser and I had a scheduled meeting after this meeting ( she also attends this particular meeting with me)... And hands me a chip and is a bit frustrated with me for not getting up. She tells me it wrong of me to not.. 'it's not for you, it's for others in the meeting, too' . First time she's shown frustration with me. I understand what's shes saying. Today I'm at a meeting, and the gentleman chairing mentioned getting his early chips.. He says 'I was told to get those chips at every meeting as both a lesson in humility and as a way of connecting with others in the group- to let them know where I'm at'. To me, this practice seems a little 'showy' or putting too much attention on myself. Then I wonder... Is this my way of manipulating myself into thinking I'm putting others first, when I'm really doing it out of fear of drawing attention to myself and forming more than superficial relationships with others? What do you guys think?
Every milestone we recieve our initial chip and for the following 6 days we stand up when our mile stone is called, but we state we already recieved our chip (so many days ago).
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
To me, this practice seems a little 'showy' or putting too much attention on myself. Then I wonder... Is this my way of manipulating myself into thinking I'm putting others first, when I'm really doing it out of fear of drawing attention to myself and forming more than superficial relationships with others? What do you guys think?
I think you might be thinking too much.... While your intentions are surely pure for not getting the chip, I think it's just a matter of you learning the local AA culture and values. My area is probably like yours in that they like you pick up a chip at every meeting you attend.
We all like to see new people grow, change and get sober time and thus chips, it's one of the beautiful things that helps to keep others sober and coming back to meetings week after week and year after year.
So yes, we often have to listen to the venting and sharing the disease (not you I'm sure), don't rob us of letting us see you pick up a chip and get better!!
I don't think you have to worry about taking someones moment at 90 days, I think they would be glad to share it with another 90 day person. I must say, that I have waited a few times to get my chip the following week after someone seems so excited to pick up a year or two. I just couldn't bare to go pick up for 20 something years afterwards and dilute the moment. IDK, maybe that is wrong also...need to maybe discuss with my sponsor
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hi Col. I feel the same way. I often think I do not even deserve the chip. What are days anyway when someone else has 20 years. Also, my prior behavior does not allow me the right to celebrate or enjoy much of anything. It is really confusing sometimes. I have 30 days tomorrow. I will probably feel very self-conscious getting a chip.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Is this my way of manipulating myself into thinking I'm putting others first, when I'm really doing it out of fear of drawing attention to myself and forming more than superficial relationships with others? What do you guys think?" _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I often find myself having these very conversations. Maybe I am manipulating the whole shabang! I shared the other day about how God is now working in my life. I find myself spewing things from AA I know I have only heard a few times. I thought about it and I nearly had myself convinced I was lying about believing in AA. It is very strange at this juncture. Sometimes I feel like I am living in an alternate universe and I am not really sure what is real or not. All I know is what my sponsor said, my head is a dangerous playground. The minute I start entertaining all of those thoughts again I will be headed right back to a drink.
Haha mich.. Yup. Absolutely agree! It's all new terrain. I'm getting to the place where I have full clarity at times, then a jumbled, confusing mess at others. The difference is that now that I'm sober I can recognize when my head is taking me off track. I can stop and say 'ok, col, now you're just being a tad crazy'.. And I'm also beginning to not hate myself for that, or think that I'm the 'only one' who's ever kinda crazy. Sometimes I just need someone with more experience, like Rob, to simply say 'you're thinking too much' to get me back on track.
As far as if you should or shouldn't have gotten the chip - well - that's in the past, and you do have the choice to accept yourself for what you're capable of today - and believe God has placed you exactly where you are suppose to be... not that I do that so perfectly, but you guys reminded me again, and that's exactly why I keep coming back.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I've always seen picking up a coin as celebrating our anniversary instead of my anniversary. It's a we program. I also it important for the newcomer to see that the program works.
Quality vs Quantity; now thats a sober offering that I will run with. As for me I got my first chip totally by surprise at my sixteenth year. I rarely if ever announced my quit drinking date and the meeting secretary remember a time when I mentioned it and brought it up himself. I got the chip and was looking at the door out of the meeting as my head said..."You're cured now. You can leave". I know I wasn't the first ever alcoholic to have that event happen. I looked around the room and got and ego boost and then a new comer yelled..."Keep coming back" and I sat down again. A God thing. I get my chips now and give the prior year's chip back to the chip secretary.
