Last Tuesday evening, while I was in transit to go see my Dad, he 'passed away' ... For a while, my world kind of turned upside down ... The range of emotions I've been through this past few days have been incredible ... I thought I was prepared, but when it happened, my brain 'kind of' took a vacation ...
Fortunately, my AA 'way of thinking' took control and I was never in any danger of drinking ... I did, however, pick up a pack of cigarettes ... Ya'll can feel free to bitch at me all you want, I deserve it ... ... ... My Dad was 30 days from reaching his 85th birthday ... He was a strong and devout christian man and was ready to go be with Mom ... He'd written me out of his 'will' a long time ago cause he could not bare the thought of having an 'alcoholic' son ... He said I just didn't possess the 'will power' to stop ... He really didn't have that much to leave, but I found out just last week, after he 'passed', he re-wrote his 'will' 3 days after my 4th AA birthday, to once again include me ... Every year since my last drink, he made it a point to tell me how proud he was of me to have quite drinking ... ... ... I made it a point to tell him it wasn't me, so much as it was God, who granted me the strength to stop ... He beamed with pride at the thought ...
So, I'll feel like I will never measure up to my Dad's strength of character ... and the hundred+ people at both the 'viewing' and the 'funeral' are a testament to that thought ... He was eulogized almost as a saint ... ever giving to those in need and doing mission work abroad, in Panama and Haiti and locally ... He wasn't perfect, but he did strive to live the life suggested to us from the Bible ... and he did so with every fiber of his being ... There are many stories of my Dad that I wish I could share, and may do so here as the situation demands ... But be it known that his memory will be forever in the minds of those he touched ... He showed compassion to those less fortunate and donated his time and money to those in need ... He was and is an inspiration to me to live the principles of AA ... May God rest your soul Dad, I love you and miss you already ...
God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My condolences to you. What a blessing to have a Dad like that. You are very blessed. I pray that I may also leave a legacy like that for my children. Kind regards and God bless you.
Thank You guys for your kind remarks ... my mind is still in & out of the ozone layer right now ... my AA roots, however, are keeping me firmly grounded to earth ... the knowledge I have gained from the program of AA has granted me the ability to live in, and accept 'reality' now ... Thank God for my sobriety and the ability to make responsible decisions now ...
Twelve years ago I was drunk at my Mom's funeral and dropped out from being able to help my Dad and my sister ... I cannot change any of that, but I chose to remain sober today and be there for my sister ... and now everything is as it should be ... 'gonee' is right ... I can only hope that I can use my Dad's legacy as a guide to create my own with the time I have left ... None of us are guaranteed a 'tomorrow' ... So today I am inspired to live the principles of AA in all my affairs, to build a reputation that can be admired rather than one that is scorned, after I'm gone ...
Love You guys and God Bless you, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm sorry for your loss, Pappy. From what you've written, your father sounds like a wonderful man. His legacy will always live on, regardless. We're here if you need us.
Pappy, there's none of us see ourselves as others see us. Your dad may well not have known just in how high regard he was held. Your dad lives on in his legacy of good works and kind words and actions, he lives on in the memory and in the hearts of those who knew him. he was who he was and you are who you are and that's good enough bro'
I am so sorry for your loss, but no matter how long it's been, your Dad became proud of you, you did the best you could for him with the tools you had, as he did the best he could with what he had. That's all that can be expected of anyone, do the best you can with what you got.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I identify a lot with you and the things you write about here. I think it is a real testament to your recovery that you are able to just love your Dad the way he was. it is a very spiritually mature thing to be able to see things as they really are and still acknowledge that your Dad was a child of God just like we all are. To see your Dad through God's eyes.
My father also spent his entire life helping others. He has done the best he can. There wasn't always as much time left for me as I wanted, but what I want is the whole problem on pg 61 of the Big Book. My expectations and how I want everything to be. Today I know I am a servant of God's and it is my job to love and honor folks instead. I hear that in your share today.
The little girl in me still cries out for love and validation from my Dad on some days, then I remember how blessed i am that God gave me a program of recovery, a gift my other family members were not able to benefit from. I have had much peace in a life I would have otherwise had none.
I am reminded that I will never know what it is like to be anyone other than myself. I don't really know how others were affected in life or what they witnessed or experienced. I do know that although I was the only drinker in my family, my parents have problems too. I can have compassionate understanding for them because I became a lot like them, I can identify.
My mother and father were the chanel God used to put me here and I am grateful for that. I honor them as such, even when my mother drives me crazy and my pride bristles or my father cannot hear me. My true amends to them is knowing, seeing, and observing with my heart, that anything good I have physically, intellectually, tools for life etc. - that all came from them. And we all got some good things. What a gift. We are here, ready to serve God for another day.
Thanks again family ... ... ... You can stop making me go to the tissue box now ... I feel the love coming through the screen as I read these comments of support ... Your comments serve to confirm to me the very spirit of love, which I indeed feel IS God talking to me ... I now know that's how He/She works ... through others ... It's as clear as a bell to me now ... Thank You!
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
((((Pappy))))...you turned it into a lesson on amends and gratitude...How much better can that be. "Nothing happens in God's world by chance" so while I'm sad with you for your Dad's passing I'm grateful for the consequences on how the program works to show others what sane and sober life can produce. The program gave my Mom the son she always wanted and we also enjoyed the amends before she passed on. Good on you to show your dad the "walk" side of the program. Thank you God for the opportunities to make things right.
Really, I'm good ... ... ... Dad's attitude toward passing on makes this whole situation much easier to deal with ... My sister and I know he got what he wanted, to be with Mom ... I'm just so glad his last image of me was a sober one ... I had spoke to him at length on the weekend before is surgery, he was upbeat ... But the one thing I'll always remember, is that I told him as I signed off, 'I love you Pop' and he said 'I love you too son' ... It hasn't been that long ago that that would have been impossible ...
Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pappy, since you mentioned Ice cream? There's this place nearby me that makes homemade icecream.. My favorite is called 'chocolate orgy'.. No, seriously. Check it out... Triple chocolate w Heath bar.. You can make a shake out of it and spoon out the Heath bar chunks at the end. Remember those 15 pounds I wanted to put on?? Don't think it's gonna be a problem:) and yes, your Pop has a great son.. Enjoy the ice cream
Pappy, the one thing I am sure of is you are the man your father wanted you to be, and he is very proud of you, I am sorry for your loss (((big manhug)))
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
