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Post Info TOPIC: Poll: "Is Anyone Willing To Sponsor Another AA Member?"
Tanin


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Poll: "Is Anyone Willing To Sponsor Another AA Member?"
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 Do you raise your hand in meetings when they ask something like, "Is anyone willing to sponsor another AA member?

 Why or why not?



 



-- Edited by Tanin on Saturday 11th of August 2012 02:21:48 PM

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StPeteDean


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Sometimes I do, when I'm feeling like I've got time. I don't really look for new comers as I save all of that energy for the board. How about you, Mr. Anonymous, why don't share some of your personal experience.  biggrin



-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 11th of August 2012 03:47:08 PM

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pinkchip


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Most of the time yes. Sometimes when I feel that my ordinary job involves too much giving, listening, counseling (even though I know sponsoring is different) I hold off cuz I am fearful I have not enough to give and am overtaxed already.

Another think I am hesitant about is that I don't want to be anyone's therapist if I sponsor them and I will definitely need more practice at it to iron that out.

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Angell


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Sponsoring others is a form of service. Service is key to sobriety. There are fewer service positions available today than in decades past and so, I tend to make certain that there are enough to go around before I volunteer. Therefore, if the question is asked and thirty people raise their hands, I keep mine down. If three hands go up, then you can be assured mine will go up as well.

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Pythonpappy


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I do raise my hand if I'm in my area, not if I am visiting more than about ten miles away, from my home ... I got caught up for a while going and getting a guy about 12 miles from my area and he needed a ride 'to and from' his apartment ... That wasn't a problem as long as he practiced the program, but it got expensive for me in both time and fuel costs ... when he strayed from AA, I tried a few times to reach him, all unsuccessful ... So I let that be a lesson to me to utilize my time and efforts more wisely ...

I think for us to truly make our program work, we should always be available to those who are still suffering ... so I generally always raise my hand ... and if for some reason it doesn't work out, I try to match the person to a someone else ...

The only time I went for a period of NOT raising my hand is when my son or dad needed me for a few weeks ... (they live 300 miles away) ... OR like the time I somehow came up with three new sponsees in a short period of time, then I had to 'settle them into place for a while' before looking to help others ... Like PinkChip inferred, it can be easy to get over-extended if you're not careful ... I prefer to not be spread so thin ... A little 'common sense' and knowing where you are in your own program is key to actually being able to help someone else ... Obviously it would be difficult, at best, to try and pass along something you don't have yet, or lost ...

God Bless,
Pappy



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Tanin


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I used to raise my hand. Last coupla years I do not. I will sponsor anyone who asks, I just don't like the casualness and ,um, showiness of the way some groups do it. I'm not sure it's a good way to do it.

And people can (and should) ask any AA they wish. Someone asked me yesterday after a meeting. That's what made me curious about how others view the issue.



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StPeteDean


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I agree with that Tanin, it makes me feel uncomfortable some times, so I don't raise my hand. It kind of puts you on the spot. I don't think that it works. At least not right away. It might get the new comer thinking that many people are open to being asked instead of them thinking that many would reject them. Sort of like secondary advertising meant to get inside someone's head at a later time when the person is needing the product.


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Pythonpappy


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Well, I think it does make it a little easier for the 'new-comer' to SEE that there are others volunteering their personal services as a sponsor ... (by raising their hand) ... If I don't raise my hand, I see it as a silent message that I am either too important to bother with it or that I'm incapable of doing so ...

Ooooooh, I think I see where you're coming from ... It could look 'prideful' to raise your hand and cause those who are not yet ready to sponsor, to feel a little guilty for not doing so ... it could even look boastful to let others visually know that you feel you've made it, or got it ... and possess something they want ...

WOW ... Ya know, I've never ever pondered that ... ... ... This may be worth discussing further in our group conscience meeting ... but I cannot recall any meeting I've been to, where they didn't ask the question 'if you're willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand!'

Hummmmm ... I have to give this more thought ...



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Tanin


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Pythonpappy wrote:

Ooooooh, I think I see where you're coming from ... It could look 'prideful' to raise your hand and cause those who are not yet ready to sponsor, to feel a little guilty for not doing so ... it could even look boastful to let others visually know that you feel you've made it, or got it ... and possess something they want ...

 Yeah, pappy, that's the direction I've been thinking in. It's the visibility of the member's intention that creates some problems. (It also creates some benefits.)

It also tends to imply that an AA needs to do sponsorship work.  And that's not true. 

Sponsorship service is not a requirement in AA.

And people who do it shouldn't be elevated somehow or put into a special class. That's what Tradition 12 is about, really.



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Pythonpappy


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Hey Tanin, ... I must agree ...

I have a sponsee for example that is approaching 3 years ... I recently backed off pushing him to raise is hand to be a sponsor ... he 'really is not' the type ... he does love serving the group as a meeting chairman or a 'discussion leader' ... it's hard to explain, he's a great guy, but very timid and lacking in the 'confidence department' ... although ... he has really come out of his shell this past year ... I just think of him now being better suited to other service work ...

And I am in agreement ... it would appear to make those of us who do raise our hands, come across as special in some way, when we're not ...

And I have always thought ... ... ... WHY did 'so 'n so' not raise their hand ... OR ... you got to be kidding me, who'd ask that guy/gal to sponsor them ... these are 'negative' thoughts regarding our meetings that don't have to be there ... and it is all simply caused by the raising of the hands .... HuH?

Great POINT & Topic ... ... ... ...



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Dan B 76


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Pythonpappy wrote:

Well, I think it does make it a little easier for the 'new-comer' to SEE that there are others volunteering their personal services as a sponsor ... (by raising their hand) ... If I don't raise my hand, I see it as a silent message that I am either too important to bother with it or that I'm incapable of doing so ...

Ooooooh, I think I see where you're coming from ... It could look 'prideful' to raise your hand and cause those who are not yet ready to sponsor, to feel a little guilty for not doing so ... it could even look boastful to let others visually know that you feel you've made it, or got it ... and possess something they want ...

WOW ... Ya know, I've never ever pondered that ... ... ... This may be worth discussing further in our group conscience meeting ... but I cannot recall any meeting I've been to, where they didn't ask the question 'if you're willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand!'

Hummmmm ... I have to give this more thought ...

 When anyone anywhere reaches out ...

I can only put it in my perspective when I was a newcomer to the tables.  I knew having a sponsor was important but I didn't want the rejection of someone telling me no, I was way ot of my comfort zone without alcohol to assist me in social settings, etc.  My first sponsor told me he was going to sponsor me and my second I only asked as it was required by the half way house I was in.  I don't see it as somoeone raising their hand as special or not raising their hand as incompetent, to important or any other reason.  I merely see them as not now for what ever personal reason they have.  I would find it better than asking for a show of hands if the group leader asked if anyone would meet with so and so after the meeting.  I think this should be done at all 1st step meetings.



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Mr_David


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I usually don't sponsor people, especially someone new. I try to give back in other ways rather than sponsoring someone. Either I don't have the time or the patience anymore, but that's just me. My sponsor has about 5 people currently, but he's semi-retired. So it's easier for him. I'll do the booking commitment instead, it's more my style. 



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Since I've been in the fellowship we've had about 5 newer people join. 2 guys (that went in and went out), 2 girls (not my department) and another fella that is still around but wants to do things his way. So no chance yet in my one horse town. But if I'm needed I'll do it.

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Tanin


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Col wrote:

 It WAS rather odd that only 2 people raised their hands.

 How many people did not raise their hands tonight?

How many people usually do raise their hands at this meeting?



-- Edited by Tanin on Sunday 12th of August 2012 09:22:44 PM

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Col


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Well, I'm nowhere near being in a position to sponser, but on the topic I did encounter a rather uncomfortable experience at a meeting tonight. A woman, obviously in distress, got angry about the lack of hands raised when this question was asked at opening of meeting. She had mentioned she has " fallen out of aa" and was coming back. She started talking about heroin, and how, when she was younger more people could be " bothered" with being a sponser. She then turned to me, sitting next to her, and said " some people are just too uppity, I guess". My only reply was " ummm, I don't even have 90 days yet". It WAS rather odd that only 2 people raised their hands.

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Col
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Well it's a decent sized group.. Maybe 35-40..but I did notice a few new faces and "visitors". Usually maybe 5 to 9 will raise hands.

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Col
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RE: Poll: "Is Anyone Willing To Sponsor Another AA Member?"
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Not sure where I would be without a sponsor - and I'm not sure I would have gotten one if she didn't raise her hand. I was turned down by so many people that were "full" that I was ready to give up. I forced myself to keep going to the meeting that I knew people would raise their hand at, until a female showed up. Most of you remember the difficulty I had in finding a sponsor - and I would probably be dead right now if she wouldn't have raised her hand that night.

Thank God for the hand raising - I don't want to die.

Col - that sucks - but she is sick just like I was when I was spitting and sputtering about my lack of sponsor issues. We all have the same disease, and it sucks when it's raw and looking right at you - but it's just another obstacle that was put in front of you by that power greater than you - that part of the gift where the kids smear jelly all over it, start unwrapping it a little and stick some lovely worms inside for you - is still part of the gift - and I'm learning that it's about learning to love it all.

My gift of sobriety had some dead worms in it today too. I have some praying for some people to do tonight.
Good night all : )

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Tanin


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Both of these stories, Col's and Tasha's, remind me that there is another level of sponsorship, which doesn't get talked about much.

That is the group level of sponsorship.  Because Tradition 5 says what it says, the group has a responsibility to facilitate and foster sponsorship of members of the group. This is explained in the pamphlet on Sponsorship in the thread:

Sponsorship Pamphlet

http://aa.activeboard.com/t50146639/sponsorship-pamphlet/

Also, some groups do an annual inventory to assess how it is doing on several dimensions of performance. Sponsorship is one of those dimensions.

If a group has newcomers having undue difficulty in finding sponsors in a timely manner, then maybe the group needs to change something.



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Das28


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Here it's not openly asked,you directly ask someone if they will.I've never sponsored.

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