Welcome froghopper, ... ...

I suggest you re-read Stepchild's post above ... pretty much says it all ...

God Bless,

Pappy

ty 

Thank you for the warm welcomes..wow I never realized when you drink you don't think about not drinking..last night after making the decision I have to quit it was on my mind bigtime! My friend I told you about asked me for the link for this forum....she said she's going to check it out too..she just moved to phillipines to get married and before she left we'd drink anywhere from 3-6 boones farm sangrias together...Throughout the yrs since I was adopted at age 3 where they found vodka in my baby bottle and even after adopted had a strong attachment to a bottle til I was 6 and my folks said enough is enough. Been thru alot growing up..alot of physical abuse which is part of why I have the back probs bad,digestive tract is messed up, you name it...I had gotten the adopted mom who her and my new brothers resented me because I was a daddy's girl. Took my mom until I was 42 yrs old to look at me and my kids and shocked me by saying "you know I did you wrong with how I treated you, told you you'd fail etc..I now see the relationship you have with your son and daughter and now wish I could go back and redo and be the mom you are" sad thing is she passed this last march and had lost 1 brother in Jan (he was another black sheep,he was adopted too) and she lost my big brother in 2002 from cancer..he was my hero. So now theres just my daddy, 1 last brother and me..and now my brother is trying to make up for all the abuse he and my mom did with me growing up. won't write a book here but in short..went thru 2 failed marriages with physical domestic assault, all I knew growing up from my mom...2 rapes, worked and every job I could to raise my kids..2nd husband is a alcoholic bigtime and I refuse to drink like does from morning to night. I guess with alot of my life I am not ready to go to a meeting and have people probe into me and trusting yet...tho I am a survivor and made alot of changes in my life. Last time I drank like this in 97 was going thru a child custody fight,a rape, a broken relationship etc and almost succeeded in killing myself. I refuse to get to that point again. Been throughout my life in couseling thru CADA and they even told me I need to write a book on my life to show other women they can survive too. Before I can ever imagine doing that I have to prove to myself I can break myself of the drinking, from going from physical abuse to alcohol abuse..then I can help other women.  Helped set up a site in 2000 forum for women who have been abused and cheated on etc..private area for them to go and get support..I need to go there too again soon..but let me get myself straightened out first..again ya'll tysm for listening and the welcome...

after my last post stepchild I was going thru my desk for some papers to finish getting my kids signed up with FAFSA for college today..I found a directory from AA here showing where all the alano clubs are around here..so figure when I get my car legal and bf is work I'll find one...I guess what I fear too is I see the nightmare to me that is with the sponsor bit etc..my bf has 5 sponsors and he calls them everyday or they call him all the time it seems and the phone is constantly going off all hrs at night waking me up and then it's them talking to him about his personal life etc...one thing with me is I don't even have a house phone...have a cell and leave it off at night so I can sleep..I hate talking on the phone and to me that would be a anxiety attack alone....also I have to get over the resentment I have with him going to meetings..I guess it's not just meetings could be like some going to the bar and rarely coming home which hurts a relationship...I feel the 3rd party when it come to him and AA and then he'll leave work everynight and I don't see him til maybe 11pm and it's really making me draw away from him...sundays was suppose to be our day and instead he's gone every sunday with people from AA trailwalking and gone from 10am til about 9pm..when I try and tell him that I would like some time with him..he's like well I asked you to go with us...I physically can't do the trailwalking they do anymore and rock climbing etc..so I feel at times he uses AA as a crutch to not work on us...so then I sit home and drink and get upset from being alone most the time..he's native american and he is involved with the tribe here and the native meetings at the alano clubs here..why I say they all know him...can't miss a 6'4 indian that's 300lbs and talks to everyone..another reason I don't go to the club with him..he says it's to spend time together but he takes off to talk to everyone else and not comfortable being in public situations I don't know or feel safe with..like I said alot has happened in my life where I can't even walk down our street without a cell to my ear calling a friend to talk because just walking two blocks to the store scares the living daylights out of me...always been a computer geek and always felt more comfortable online...and the ones I normally chat with I know sooo...also....what do you drink?? what I mean is I can't drink coffee due to stomach but always have to have a drink with me..drinking alot of sweet tea , water and pop...