I get all that stuff, like... The purpose of service to others and seeing the big picture. But you don't just get 2&3 in one day, do you?
No, I'm just mad at me. I expected myself to be better than this. Like, REALLY? how hard is this? (2x+5)(2x+5)? I can't even solve this!! Ugh, nevermind. I'm just disappointed in myself.
-- Edited by Neophyte on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 08:48:02 PM
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
I have a urine test tommorrow. Now, I'm not sure how many alkies can relate to this but, I have about two weeks sober.
So, my boss anounces, yesterday, that random people will be selected for a drug screen tomorrow. And given my circumstances, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be one of them. So the first chance I get, I'm out to the 7-11 to but a liter of water. When I get home, I took a motrin (diuretic) and I refill my liter of water. I did this consistantly all night while listening to a 3 hour Charlie/Joe thing on steps 4-7. This morning I drank a cup of coffee and a red bull. And my 2nd diuretic.
Now, my boyfriend looks at me and says "you got a head ache?" and I replied "no-- urine test. Gotta clear my system." boyfriend goes into my hiding spots and says... "did you eat all of them?" and then I realized--- I HAVENT USED ANYTHING IN TWO WEEKS!!
I've been doing that stuff long enough to know how my body metabolized chemicals (I'm sure you guys did too) but it struck me real odd that at the slightest hint of a test, I go back to my normal routine.
Old habits die hard.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Will do step. They cleared lots of things up for me in their 456&7 BB study. And I have a ten hour long video I'm trying to get through. Can I ask you what you got most out of the drs opinion? The first time I read it, the part he talks about the importance of carrying the message and service to others stuck out as if it was pre-highlighted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc5hPMXt91s&feature=youtube_gdata_player
-- Edited by Neophyte on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 11:02:05 PM
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
i hope you had a good chuckle at yourself and let your boyfriend know what you did.... has he noticed you are "more present" these days? have you noticed? if not, it will be noticeable later on. big hugs from sheila
He noticed I'm not as with drawn, and that I'm not either up and fidgety or in a lump on the bed, but more balanced. I still have my moments though. Like today... I failed algebra... AGAIN. ugh! I was positive that I'm more academically inclined than this. If I'm not super book smart? Than what AM I ?
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Well, I sure as heck ain't people smart. So I put my self worth in my weight and in my academic abilities. And some big college test comes along and RIPS away half my self worth. Screw college. Grrr...
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Translation, ... ... ... Do you still think the world revolves around you??? ... Are you still trying to call all the shots??? ... Is everything about your life, the way you want it to be??? ... Are you ready to give up the idea you deserve more than you do??? ... Have you discovered 'Humility' yet, or have you learned the meaning of it yet ???
Shall I go on ???
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
(2x+5)(2x+5)= 4xsquared +20x+25 ... ... ... I think ... It's been 45 years since I did that stuff ... Ruhig ??? ... she'll know ...
Stepchild posted this the other day and I thought it spoke volumes ...:
Step one I have a Power that wants to kill me...(Alcohol) Step two I have a Power that wants to help me... Step three....Which power do I want to choose?
You have to have a 'power greater than you' ... how else are you going to turn your life over and seek to do His/It's will ??? ... when I was drinking, I was at the beckon call of alcohol ... He had me doing his will, and I drank to appease him daily ... Now, you got to 'flip' the coin, so to speak ... there is a power out there ... you must choose who or what that is ... and then follow a spiritual course to stay in daily conscious contact with that Spirit ...
You know, do you see King alcohol when he gets you to do his will, to drink ??? ... No he's a spirit, he comes to you as a 'feeling' (or emotion) ... Same with your 'higher power'... you don't see Him, you feel Him ... it's what makes you FEEL good when you do what you know to be the right thing ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yeah, python got the answer. But the answer is not the point. Neo, if you want help with math... I pm me. I failed algebra 6x. I now make it a point to do a bit of algebra every morning. Keep it fresh.
But your academic abilities are not who you are. Your not just a brain and having mathematical abilities does not determine who or what you are as a human being. Life is not an intellectual exercise. It is an experience.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
(2x+5)(2x+5)= 4xsquared +20x+25 ... ... ... I think ... It's been 45 years since I did that stuff ... Ruhig ??? ... she'll know ...
Stepchild posted this the other day and I thought it spoke volumes ...:
Step one I have a Power that wants to kill me...(Alcohol) Step two I have a Power that wants to help me... Step three....Which power do I want to choose?
You have to have a 'power greater than you' ... how else are you going to turn your life over and seek to do His/It's will ??? ... when I was drinking, I was at the beckon call of alcohol ... He had me doing his will, and I drank to appease him daily ... Now, you got to 'flip' the coin, so to speak ... there is a power out there ... you must choose who or what that is ... and then follow a spiritual course to stay in daily conscious contact with that Spirit ...
You know, do you see King alcohol when he gets you to do his will, to drink ??? ... No he's a spirit, he comes to you as a 'feeling' (or emotion) ... Same with your 'higher power'... you don't see Him, you feel Him ... it's what makes you FEEL good when you do what you know to be the right thing ...
So, drinking is to worshipping alcohol as (fill in the blank please) is to following gods will. ??
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
just parroting back what you told me python. Neo, I'm sure you've heard this before. It's august. I know that PA schools have slowed courses. Do what python told you (or what I assume he tells everyone) read the shack. Go to the library and pick it up. It's a relatively short book. And you won't regret it.
Alex
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
K... What was that in the JUNG AA thread? Spiritus contra spiritum? Guess that fits well. And pappy I heard it this way 1. I can't 2. He can 3. Why not let him... I just kinda feel like I'm drowning in a vacuum. I have no alcohol, and I can't feel god (yet).
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
So, drinking is to worshipping alcohol as (fill in the blank please) is to following gods will. ??
This is just one way to look at it ... ... I'm doing 'Alcohol's will' by drinking ... he doesn't want me to stop until I am dead ... I am doing God's will by working the steps and helping others to not drink ... and He wants me doing this for as long as I live ...
You ask: What does god feel like??
Boy, you ask some interesting questions ... For me, God is Love ... When I work with someone or do something for someone, alcoholic or neighbor or stranger, no matter, and I give of myself in some way and it brings joy or happiness or relieves pain or helps them in some way ... then I feel God's love in the form of an over-whelming joy ... PURE JOY ... like doing something for someone for no reason, not for attention, nor for a pat on the back, just for the heck of it ... and to later find that the good deed was then done for another ... The feeling one gets from these acts is almost indescribable ... ... ... a joy you may never have thought possible ...
It's our choice ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Scratch that. (sorry python, I still agree about the shack though) read Life of Pi. The way that Pi feels and trusts in his god, is the way that I feel/trust my "god". It's longer than the shack, but it's worth every page.
And PRAYER. and practice meditation. Some one told me that I needed to "meditate" on the meaning of the serenity and 3rd step prayers. When I had my spiritual awakening (courtesy of input from a close friend of mine) the word sanctuary became special to me.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
K... What was that in the JUNG AA thread? Spiritus contra spiritum? Guess that fits well. And pappy I heard it this way 1. I can't 2. He can 3. Why not let him... I just kinda feel like I'm drowning in a vacuum. I have no alcohol, and I can't feel god (yet).
It takes time ... you can't rush it, you can't force it ... you have to live it ... and feeling comes from within ... you will know it when it happens ... (It's what they call a 'spiritual awakening')
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey Neophyte...How are those Joe and Charlie tapes?...You might want to listen to them go through the chapter We Agnostics....I think that would be good for you...Go through it with your book. It's actually not a bad idea to go through the Doctor's Opinion and the first 5 chapters with them. Just read along...It's good stuff.
I thought I'd do a quick check before cashing in for the night ... if you don't mind, I'll post my most liked or 'thought of' part of the Dr.'s Opinion ... :
(this is on the fifth page at the top I think ...) :
at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
And i suppos. This psych change happens... Between 3 and 5???
I love and agree with Frodo's input here, ... ... ... But, I have come to believe that we all go thru several 'awakenings' over the process of learning how to live sober ... It took me to the age of 54 to become the raving alcoholic I was ... and it would take some 'time' for me to go thru an 'entire psychic change' ... it is a process, not a light switch ... Oh, there'll be some 'ah-ha' moments and there'll be some 'BAM' ... WOW, 'I never realized THAT before' moments ... And after practicing these new principles for living, one day you'll wake up and, like Frodo said, everything is different ... ... ...
When does this happen in terms of working the steps ? ... Again, like Frodo says, it's different for everybody ... we all work the steps differently AND at different rates ... FOR me? ... I believe when I completed the steps, nearing my one year mark, and I fully realized that I was at the point of recycling thru steps 10 to 12, then I had indeed gone thru a psychic change ... my old life was just a memory ... I had NOT just stopped drinking alcohol, I had, for sure, become a different person altogether ... That, my dear, is what this entire program and process is all about ...
It's not that we are bad people per se ... but we are unloving self-centered ass-holes when we drink ... ... ... and that's the life I wanted to leave behind ... this new life is more than I ever thought it could be ... and it will be for you too if you want it and take action to have it ... SEE ??? ... Don't you love me??? ... SEE ??? YOU'VE already made some psychic changes in your life already ... you love someone you never met, someone that loves you, unconditionally ... ... ... don't stop here, not just before the miracle happens for you ... keep on keeping on ... Pray for guidance and go to meetings ...
Love Ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 2nd of August 2012 08:33:41 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
And i suppos. This psych change happens... Between 3 and 5???
Everyone is different, as far as I can tell. For me it was 3. I'd been broken completely and I'd decided I was either going to sober up or kill myself. I couldn't go on like I was anymore. I was done. So I got down on my knees and begged a God that I didn't think existed to help me please, and I'd give myself over to them. The next day everything was different. Something inside me had changed. That neutral feeling toward alcohol that the Book describes was with me. No cravings. No longing. Not even thinking about it. Offer it to me and I'll look at you like you are offering me cyanide. Why the hell would I want to drink that? But because it was so sudden and - dare I say it - so easy, I got lazy. I did my part of the bargain half arsed - sometimes with gusto, sometimes paying lip service - and I found that the Lord that giveth can indeed taketh away, and when I forgot that my bill needs to be payed daily and I let myself become selfish and resentful and all that stuff the Book warns against, that the longing and the craving and that horrible song it sings came back with a power that shocked and scared me. But I didn't drink - just. So lesson learnt (hopefully) I have got very serious about it all. I realised what I got that day wasn't the Awakening or the Psychic Change, but a brief reprieve and a glimpse of what can be as long as I uphold my end of the deal. The real change and awakening is either happening right now or it's something I'm moving toward.
But that's just me. I don't fully understand it, and I don't know why it works in different ways for different people, but mine isn't to reason why. I just know that if I follow the plan then everything just works and works without effort, but if I do things my way then I make things much, much harder than they need to be, and I'm making a potentially fatal mistake.
Can I ask you what you got most out of the drs opinion?
I never understood why I would say I was going to have two beers and end up closing the bar...I thought I was just mentally wired wrong....That was the first time I had heard the concept of a physical craving once we have the first drink...That made sense to me. The phenomenon of craving is the one thing that makes us different. I gave that book to my Mom when I got out of rehab...She's in her 80's and I had her read the Doctor's Opinion....She got done and looked at me....And said...."That's what you need...A entire psychic change!"....That was it...A spiritual awakening is what I needed.
Hey neophyte:) loved your opening to this thread..too funny! And how liberating, huh? The first week or two I was sober I had a few experiences that were similar. I had several routes home after work (I walk) so I'd be walking along, lost in thought, and wind up in front of the bar I used to hang at.. Like "how did I get here??" haha "oh wait a minute-I don't go here anymore". Stuff like that.. I'd be going through my old routines that had become so normal to me, I had to remind myself I don't drink anymore. Also, I agree with stepchild on "the Drs Opinion".. The 'phenomenon of craving' bit was a real eye opener for me. I have no idea how many damn times I told myself I was "just having 1 or 2" and id close the bar then drink more at home, or open a bottle of wine for "just 1 glass" and polish of 3 bottles. I hated being in that place, feeling as though I has no control, that I was I'll, that something was wrong with me. Well, all these things are true. I now realize that I wasn't the only person on the planet that thought and felt this way..and THAT is truly wonderful.
That's the sanity that we are restored too....It's not that we are a bunch of lunatics.....It's why do we pick up that first drink when we know where it will take us....Knowing why it took me there was a huge relief for me. I was starting to think I was this guy....
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?
just parroting back what you told me python. Neo, I'm sure you've heard this before. It's august. I know that PA schools have slowed courses. Do what python told you (or what I assume he tells everyone) read the shack. Go to the library and pick it up. It's a relatively short book. And you won't regret it.