Beautiful share....Practice the principle of humility...And remain teachable!

Your post reminds me of a story I saw recently on a friends FB page. It is about a young boy named Andrew who has autism, and a behavior he has that for a long time his mother tried to stop. When she was able to look at him and it from a different perspective, it opened her eyes. The story is as follows:

There was a time when I considered Andrew's arm flapping to be a maladaptive behavior; a piece of the autism puzzle that needed to be solved and put in its place.

I worried that those wild flailing arms would be one more reason he would be misunderstood and judged by the world, so I made it my mission to subdue my son in exchange for what I believed to be the greater picture: acceptance by others.
It didnt matter where we were or what we were doing, my response to his flapping was always the same:
"Quiet hands, Andrew."

Then one day, as we were standing in front of the Pacific Ocean, I watched as Andrew stood along the shore, his eyes transfixed on the waves, and I slowed down long enough to pay attention to that flap, a trademark symptom of his autism diagnosis.

Thats when I realized his flapping wasnt a symptom - it was a language.

"Mom! Did you see that wave?! It was so awesome!"

"Look mom, another one!"

"They just keep coming!"

"I love the ocean!"

"Im so happy here. Nothing hurts, nothing else matters. It feels like home."

"Thank you mommy, for bringing me here. I love you."

My non-verbal son was speaking to me and for the first time, I was really listening.

And it was beautiful.

I havent uttered "Quiet hands, Andrew," since.

See, Andrews flapping isnt the problem, and its not something that needs to be "fixed." What needs to be "fixed" is the way we view differences in our fellow human beings.

I realize that as Andrews mom my job is to pave the way for his continued success, and I take that responsibility very seriously. My little boy spends the bulk of his days immersed in one therapy or another, working triple time to acquire just a fraction of the skills you and I, and the majority of society, master without a second thought. From learning to hold a toothbrush to remembering the importance of "keeping our hands to ourselves," each lesson is an attempt on Andrews part to accommodate the world around him.

Yet as parents, well-meaning friends and invested professionals, its easy to lose sight of the fact that we must spend just as much time striving to meet the needs of our special needs community. If we all invested just a small percentage of the energy our kids put forth in their daily efforts to fit into our preconceived notions of what "acceptable" is to accommodating them, I guarantee you thered be fewer meltdowns, sensory overloads, and "quiet hands" commands.

The way I see it, our world could use a little less judgment and a whole lot more hand flapping. The kind of hand flapping that transcends suffocating societal norms, the kind of hand flapping thats a language all its own, the kind of hand flapping that makes this mom believe her son is just a few flaps short of taking flight.

* * *


My son Ryan doesn't flap his hands so much, but he rocks and bounces, alot. Kind of like Tigger. I too, always tried to stop him so that he would "fit in".After I read this story, I said to myself,  not any more.  When I stopped and truly looked at it, it is his way of communicating in most instances as well.

 

-- Edited by nezyb on Monday 30th of July 2012 08:59:00 PM

-- Edited by nezyb on Monday 30th of July 2012 11:52:07 PM

Nezy, that story is heart warming. To the neurotypical... Society's opinion of us personally can over rule us. (fashion changes every season, our social status is determined by the car we drive or the job we hold constant judgement everywhere) but to the neuro-impared, Andrew doesn't care what the kids at the mall think of his "loud" hands. He cares that he has finally mastered... Brushing his own teeth, that his (hypothetical) dog wags his tail when you guys come home.

My cousin has down syndrome... And she has taught me acceptance of others and what it means to be inquisitive, she doesn't care if her shoes don't match her purse, she cares that she is wearing her favorite shoes and can play with the sequins on her favorite purse. Sometimes I do believe that it is these children have a connection to a higher power that neurotypical (not just alkies) have to work at grasping. As if they appreciate little things in a way that never occurs to us.


Thanks for your share. Ps. I hope that wasn't offensive and that being a care giver for the mentally impared forces the neurotypical to get out of ourselves, re-evaluate our priorities, and alter our perspective. I know that alzheimers is a very different affliction than other mental disabilities, but being forced to pay such attention to the details of an individual and their surroundings and having to consider how they percieve their world has played an immeasurable benefit to me personally, and recently helped me more in my journey in recovery. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

-- Edited by Neophyte on Monday 30th of July 2012 09:47:07 PM

Thanks Neo for the great share ... ... and thank you guys for the following shares too ... all good ...

I'm not around kids much any more, but the last time I remember getting a good lesson was when my granddaughter was watching me do something on the computer ... it took me about 30 seconds to go 'from here to there' and she asked me why I liked going the long way around ??? .... I asked what do you mean, she said let me show you, all you do is click this thingy here ... ... ... and BAM ... it switched between functions or windows or web sites or something ... but , wow, did it ever speed up my web experience ... WHO knew???

That was a couple years ago, now? ... ain't no way I can keep up ... seems the older I get the dumber I become ...

Pappy

Excellent share Neo

I feel like a kid just like my kids, learning life with them and from them all the time. Hopefully, I've made enough mistakes that they don't have to make as many of the terrible ones I have - and I can teach them a thing or two sometimes : )

Tasha, for your sake I hope your kids grow to learn not only by their own mistakes but also learn from the mistakes of others.

Neo.

Thanks great share. Yes, like Mike said, God speaks to me through others.

You're so right Neophyte, God speaks to us even through the most unlikely of sources. So keep your ears, eyes and heart open, just in case. I will only get better from here.