I am always amazed at how much more reading I am able to do when I am not drinking. And I dream so much more, and with so much more clarity. Last night I went to bed reading 'salem's Lot by Stephen King and had a series of wonderfully colorful and detailed dreams that I remembered clearly this morning. Waking up after an evening of reading a great book followed by vibrant dreams is so much better than waking up feeling lonely, guilty, afraid, anxious, and like I have just been hit by a bus. Also, I almost never dream after going to bed drunk. It's a dead and hollow sleep.
This is what I go to most when I am feeling the urge to just start pounding drinks: the vibrant dreams. It's one of my absolute favorite things about sobriety. And the good night's sleep. And the way it feels to wake up in the morning proud of myself. Nothing to me is worse than the feeling of waking up hungover - and not because of the physical drain (although, that's horrible), but because of the emotional nightmares that accompany the morning fog after having lost control and given everything up to oblivion.
At one point this afternoon I wanted a drink so bad that I had to white-knuckled my way through dinner. It was actually triggered by a beer commercial that made the drinker look like he was having the best time in the world. And that mischievous voice in my head started to whisper, "It's the SUMMER. You can have just ONE DRINK and be totally fine. As long as you stop after just the one - or maybe two - you'll be fine." And I thought about how much I loved reading last night and dreaming those awesome dreams. And eventually, the urge passed.
Today was a difficult day with regard to the urge to drink. And I am feeling thankful that I am sitting here, sober, at 10pm writing to you all. Thank you for letting me process :) The other good news is that I am going to begin step 4 tomorrow. I think it'll be a good thing for me. Hope you all had a great weekend.
-Adam
-- Edited by AdamMoz on Sunday 29th of July 2012 08:53:08 PM
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Regaining the ability to dream is one of my favorite things about sobriety too. It's my understanding that dreams are the primary reason for sleep. They are the brain re-organizing all your thoughts and experiences of the day into long-term memory. Without dreams, your memory and cognitive function suffers, and you don't really get rested.
It's also nice that I rarely dream about all the stresses and worries I obsess over during the day. That junk is already fully assimilated, so when I sleep my brain gets down to reviewing and collating the more interesting, less painful stuff.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I've very rarely ever dreamed before I started drinking and now only several days into not drinking... I'm having vivid memorable dreams every time I fall asleep... but I'm not enjoying it... it's messing with my emotions even after I wake up from the dreams... making me me want to drink to numb those emotions... and this is for when I dream about my real life stresses AND when I dream about weird things like having super-powers; time travel; etc...
Dreams are just 'thoughts' ... ... when we start our sobriety, King Alcohol starts looking for ways, any possible way to change your mind ... to prove to you that you're weak under his power ... You have the 'advantage' of having God on your side, and prayer is your best defense when alone right now ... and many meetings will give you the added strength of the fellowship ...
King Alcohol may have given up on your conscious thoughts ... so he is coming to you through your dreams ... trying to break you down ... but you recognize this and can ask for God's support now and every morning and night ... The longer you stay sober, the stronger YOU become against temptation to return to 'Hell' ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
