...I don't know what got me through this, but I don't question it. I have been able to stay away from alcohol, despite going through what is one of the hardest times in my life. .... I stayed away from AA, but kept coming to this site for help and support. And although I don't question how I have made it, I know it is all through my HP...
Glad to see you post again on this forum. I think you've been doing rather well in maintaining sobriety for what has been a difficult year for you. All kinds of stuff. Your relating it helps me know that I too can get through a lot of trauma without drinking.
Even if you stayed away from meetings, even if you did not have a sponsor . . you were still connected to AA through this forum. You were still connected to your HP. And you were getting help from counseling. Those are all positive things. And you didn't drink.
You've been doing well under trying times.
Now, figure out what it's going to take to do well today. Then, tomorrow.
-- Edited by Tanin on Sunday 29th of July 2012 01:40:24 PM
Well, it's been a very long time since I have posted here. Just wanted to share what has been going on in my life.
I got "laid off" (fired is more like it) from my job of almost eight years this past November. Now, apparently I have been very lucky in that this was the first time I had ever gotten fired from a job at my age. Yet, getting laid off brought on probably the worst depression I have ever been through. I had to get off my medication because I no longer had health insurance. I got very sick. I lost almost 50 lbs. I am on the verge of losing my house. I thought two engineering degrees would mean I wouldn't have a hard time finding a job, but here I am - 8 months later and still jobless.
I took my firing extremely hard. My boss - who for years painted himself as a "friend" to all his employees - tried to fire me on a Sunday. He tried firing me "in secret". HR had no idea he had gone to a lawyer to draw up paperwork until I requested someone to be present for our "meeting". I wasn't allowed to gather my personal belongings. I was fired at a Starbucks, one town away from our office. It was so shady, and the hypocrisy and cowardice that this man put on was enough to make me so furious. I carried this anger for months, and thank my HP for my counselor, because I have been able to work through it.
When I got fired, I was almost 4 months sober. I just passed the 1-year mark on July 19, 2012.
I don't know what got me through this, but I don't question it. I have been able to stay away from alcohol, despite going through what is one of the hardest times in my life. I have an amazing and supportive partner who has seen me at my worst and only caught a glimpse of me at my best - yet, he is still here. My best friend. I lost my sponsor (relapse) a few weeks before I got fired, and haven't found another one yet. I stayed away from AA, but kept coming to this site for help and support. And although I don't question how I have made it, I know it is all through my HP.
I may lose my house. It may be months before I find a job. Hell, we almost died in a car accident a month ago. I don't know what is in store for me, but I do know that with the help of my close support system and my HP, I have managed to stay sober.
Keep faith. Stay strong. I am proof that there is hope.
Aloha Hope and welcome back...I'd say what is in store for you is continued sobriety as you practice "there is no justification for intentional alcoholism". We've been thru similar experiences and mine included a police assault, false arrest and jail for the first time in my long life. I also lost a great part of my small business and was offered a safety net from out of no where...it doesn't matter what I have done I learn but what I am able to do so after they stated that "You are sooo over qualified" I said then you have a decision to make about who will fill the position don't you. It is sooo serene work and my HP is everywhere in it. That is sobering. I have decided to not lay down on the police assault but to stand up and fight for myself without making it all about me and "loving them anyway". I have been physically harmed and this old body reminds me everyday that I cannot be the only one to pay for the consequences of it. I don't have the anesthesia of Alcohol to block out the pain as we know it will. Giving up my life to be temporarily pain free and knowing that worse is coming is not an alternative again. I will be with the fellowship at my home group in an hour. I will carry your condition in my heart and head with me and listen, listen, listen as I've most always done. In support with care...(((hugs)))
Bluebee - Congrats on the 1 year. I would suggest trying to get to some meetings again...not cuz I think you are gonna relapse, but your support system will be even larger and the problems you are going through will seem to diminish in size (again not that they aren't real problems) once you are more active in actual meetings. Your faith is amazing and I am sure that has been a huge part of what has carried you through the year.
I had to get a new job at just around year 2 of sobriety. It was stressful but I emerged in a much better spot. I also wound up selling my triple upside down condo... Short sell and I actually made a 3000 dollar profit. My point is that I thought those things were disasters when they were occurring, but both turned out better than I could imagine and I am okay. The fear is way worse than the reality (at least that's been my experience). Fear can also keep you locked in inaction. Not sure what your job search has been like, but getting a new job for me didn't happen til I blasted out like 20 resumes a day every day.
Thank you for posting again and keep us updated! You definitely earned your seat in AA and this is your home (here and at meetings) whenever you need it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
