Thanks for the info. Perhaps share something about yourself and your recovery. I noticed you've commented on several threads but have no idea what your story is.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome Tanin, thanks for the info. My sponsor handed this to me after our initial meeting... highlighted, and full of underlined portions (in red lol). It was so funny... and I totally "get her" as we are both teachers. I still like paper in my hands, and keep a few of these to hand out to the newcomers in my car. Comes in handy since I offer lots of rides to the ones that are just coming in with no license.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Welcome Tanin, thanks for the info. My sponsor handed this to me after our initial meeting... highlighted, and full of underlined portions (in red lol). It was so funny... and I totally "get her" as we are both teachers. I still like paper in my hands, and keep a few of these to hand out to the newcomers in my car. Comes in handy since I offer lots of rides to the ones that are just coming in with no license.
Mine is in similar condition, with plenty of annotations.
Which made me think of taking a few excerpts from this important pamphlet and posting them here in short, readable chunks with some comments. Here's the first one:
What is sponsorship?
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS began with sponsorship. When Bill W., only a few months sober, was stricken with a powerful urge to drink, this thought came to him: "You need another alcoholic to talk to. You need another alcoholic just as much as he needs you!"
He found Dr. Bob, who had been trying desperately and unsuccessfully to stopdrinking, and out of their common need A.A. was born. The word "sponsor" was not usedthen; the Twelve Steps had not been written; but Bill carried the message to Dr. Bob, who inturn safeguarded his own sobriety by sponsoring countless other alcoholics. Through sharing,both of our co-founders discovered, their own sober lives could be enriched beyond measure.
What does A.A. mean by sponsorship? To join some organizations, you must have a sponsor - a person who vouches for you, presents you as being suitable for membership. This is definitely not the case with A.A. Anyone who has a desire to stop drinking is welcome to join us!
In A.A., sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Dr. Bob did. Essentially, the process of sponsorship is this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A.
When we first begin to attend A.A. meetings, we may feel confused and sick and apprehensive. Although people at meetings respond to our questions willingly, that alone isn'tenough. Many other questions occur to us between meetings; we find that we need constant, close support as we begin learning how to "live sober."
So we select an A.A. member with whom we can feel comfortable, someone with whom we can talk freely and confidentially, and we ask that person to be our sponsor.
Whether you are a newcomer who is hesitant about "bothering" anyone, or a member who has been around for some time trying to go it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking.We urge you: Do not delay. Alcoholics recovered in A.A. want to share what they have learned with other alcoholics. We know from experience that our own sobriety is greatly strengthened when we give it away!
Sponsorship can also mean the responsibility the group as a whole has for helping the newcomer. Today, more and more alcoholics arriving at their first A.A. meeting have had no prior contact with A.A. They have not telephoned a local A.A. intergroup or central office; no member has made a "Twelfth Step call" on them. So, especially for such newcomers, groups are recognizing the need to provide someform of sponsorship help. In many successful groups, sponsorship is one of the most important planned activities of the members.
Sponsorship responsibility is unwritten and informal, but it is a basic part of the A.A.approach to recovery from alcoholism through the Twelve Steps.
We hope that this pamphlet will provide answers to some of the often-asked questions about the rewarding two-way street called sponsorship - for people who may be seeking sponsors - for A.A. members who want to share their sobriety through sponsorship - and for groups that wish to develop sponsorship activity.
Notes: I extract the following concusions from this section:
The target audience for the pamphlet is: 1. People seeking a sponsor. 2. AAers wanting to share sobriety/do service. 3. Groups instituting group-level sponsorship activities.
Sponsorship is:
A method of carrying the message. A channel of AA communication. A service to AA and the sponsee. One alkie talking to another.
There are no formal rules on what a sponsor does or how he/she teaches, informs, and supports. No standards.
AA suggests strongly that the sponsor and sponsered "meet as equals." Therefore, where such relationships are autocratic or dictatorial in nature, they depart from AA design and tradition (small "t"). If your sponsor is bossing you around, or you are bossing your sponsee around....if a sponsee is too passive or submissive in the relationship . . .it's a time for reflection as to whether that is doing anyone any good.
How does sponsorship differ from Twelfth Step calls?
A Twelfth Step call - visiting an alcoholic who has asked for help and talking about the A.A. program with him or her - may become the beginning of sponsorship, but by itself it is not necessarily sponsorship.
Sponsorship, with its continuing interest in another alcoholic, often develops when the second person is willing to be helped, admits having a drinking problem, and decides to seek a way out of the trap.
Sponsorship is Twelfth Step work, but it is also continuing responsibility for helping a newcomer adjust to a way of life without alcohol.
Notes/comments: Carrying the message of AA is the overarching construct. Sponsorship is actually one activity by which this is communicated. Twelfth Step calls, are another way. Sponsorship is differentiated by a "continuing interest" and relationship with a newcomer/member.
-- Edited by Tanin on Thursday 2nd of August 2012 09:45:03 AM
It assures the newcomer that there is at least one person who understands the situation fully and cares -- one person to turn to without embarrassment when doubts, questions, or problems linked to alcoholism arise. Sponsorship gives the newcomer an understanding, sympathetic friend when one is needed most. Sponsorship also provides the bridge enabling the new person to meet other alcoholics -- in a home group and in other groups visited.
Notes/comments: These are just a few simple benefits and services the newcomer obtains from a sponsor in AA. A sponsor may listen supportively and sympathetically to the sponsee's most basic and private questions and reactions. A sponsor should make it easier for the newcomer to meet other alcoholics. A sponsor is a supportive guide, not a boss.
-- Edited by Tanin on Monday 10th of November 2014 07:41:07 AM
The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible, and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.'s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.
An old A.A. saying suggests, "Stick with the winners." It's only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in every- day life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink - and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.
Notes/comments: The important goal in seeking a sponsor is "fit."It is best to match up particular styles of a sponsor with particular types of sponsees. This is difficult to do because there are no standards and especially with the variety of mental models of what sponsorship is/should be. How should a sponsor be chosen? "Carefully," is the answer. The problem is that the chooser, the newcomer, is often deferential, tentative, traumatized, and underinformed. In AA, a sponsor and sponsored should meet as equals and should be able to communicate freely.
Should sponsor and newcomer be as much alike as possible?
Often, a newcomer feels most at ease with a sponsor of similar background and interests -- another physician or another homemaker, another churchgoer or another agnostic, another Irish-American or another black. But many A.A.s say they were greatly helped by sponsors totally unlike themselves. Maybe that's because their attention was then focused on the most important things that any sponsor and newcomer have in common: alcoholism and recovery in A.A.
A.A. experience does suggest that it is best for men to sponsor men, women to sponsor women. This custom usually promotes quick understanding and reduces the Likelihood of emotional distractions that might take the newcomer's mind off the purpose of A.A.
Notes/comments: Experience in AA shows us that the sponsor and the sponsee can be similar in backgrounds. Or different. Probably doesn't matter much. The female/male difference is probably not inconsequential, however, with regard to the sponsor/sponsee relationship. But men sponsoring women in AA is not unheard of.
An A.A. sponsor does not provide any such services as those offered by a social worker, a doctor, a nurse, or a marriage counselor. A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober.
And it is not professional training that enables a sponsor to give help -- it is just personal experience and observation. A sponsor was once a newcomer, too, and has tried to use the A.A. program to deal with problems similar to those the newcomer is facing now.
Notes/comments: This is the most basic and general job description of a sponsor: An alkie who helps another alkie to stay sober. Not to be a steps expert, not to be a BB thumper, not to be a paragon of spirituality--the sponsor a member is looking for is the one who will help him/her stay sober. A sponsee is best served by a sponsor who utilizes his/her personal experience and observation.
Must the newcomer agree with everything the sponsor says?
If the sponsor's ideas sound strange or unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy, open relationship, in which both parties talk freely and honestly with each other.
The A.A. program is simple, but it didn't seem that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned by asking questions, at closed meetings or -- most especially -- in conversations with our sponsors.
Notes/comments: Sponsees are not only free to, but expected to ask sponsors questions. The sponsor-sponsee relationship should encourage question-asking. The sponsor-sponsee relationship should allow disagreement by the sponsee. If a sponsor is autocratic or domineering to the point that he/she does not allow questions or does not allow disagreement--then it's probably not a good application of the sponsoring principle in AA. Maybe look to change the sponsor or to add another sponsor for more balanced information exchange about the AA program.
It is the whole A.A. program -- not the individual's sponsor -- that maintains the newcomer's sobriety. Sponsorship is just the best way we know of introducing a newcomer to that program.
So we have many recourses when we are unable to contact our sponsors. We can telephone other members; go to an A.A. meeting; phone or visit the nearest A.A. office or clubroom for sober alcoholics; read A.A. books or pamphlets or our magazine, the A.A. Grapevine, to find answers for almost any problem troubling us at the moment.
Notes/comments: Sponsors can be important to a member's sobriety. But it is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and its totality of sobriety-supportive resources that must be relied on by the sponsee. Sponsors aren't always available. Sponsors are fallible. Sponsors get drunk. It's not prudent or advisable to link one's sobriety to a sponsor's performance. But the overall support structure of AA can be relied upon.
Other sponsors, other AA's, meetings, intergroups offices, and the various literature beyond the Big Book are crucial support resources in times of normality in sobriety and in times of crisis. It is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that will keep us sober, not the sponsor.
Many feel it is best for a newcomer to have only one sponsor. Choosing one sponsor helps to avoid the precarious practice of a newcomer going from sponsor to sponsor seeking the advice he or she wants to hear.
However, some newcomers benefit from more than one sponsor. Here the newcomer shares in a wide range of experience and hears a great variety of ways to use the A.A. program. In addition, this is a means of averting the crisis mentioned in the preceding question -it is unlikely that two or more sponsors would be unavailable at the same time.
Notes/comments: The usual situation for AA newcomers is to get one sponsor, most often within 3 months. But variations from this norm are permissable. Some AA's have more than one sponsor. Some AA's have none. AA's may benefit from having more than one sponsor through exposure to the variety of experiences and different viewpoints of recovery and the AA program that different sponsors have. Having more than one sponsor might provide a newcomer with the opportunity to play one off against the other. Multiple sponsors lessens the sponsor unavailability problem. The newcomer must choose which sponsor approach is best for him/her.
An A.A. sponsor does not provide any such services as those offered by a social worker, a doctor, a nurse, or a marriage counselor. A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober.
And it is not professional training that enables a sponsor to give help -- it is just personal experience and observation. A sponsor was once a newcomer, too, and has tried to use the A.A. program to deal with problems similar to those the newcomer is facing now.
Notes/comments: This is the most basic and general job description of a sponsor: An alkie who helps another alkie to stay sober. Not to be a steps expert, not to be a BB thumper, not to be a paragon of spirituality--the sponsor a member is looking for is the one who will help him/her stay sober. A sponsee is best served by a sponsor who utilizes his/her personal experience and observation.
Not to be picky here Tanin...This pamphlet is a good read for any newcomer....But there is a lot in your notes I'm not quite getting. I think you may be confusing people when you say a potential sponsor shouldn't be a steps expert...Or a BB thumper....And I'm not real sure about you.....But my sponsor doesn't help me stay sober....He showed me how to stay sober...And that was a result of having had a spritual awakening...As the result of the steps. I don't have a lot of contact with my sponsor right now.....We get together for lunch now and then...But the literature tells us no human power is going to keep me sober....And I agree with that.
From the pamphlet...
A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober.
I'm not real sure why being a steps "expert" or knowing the book is a bad thing. It's my experience....That's the one thing I was looking for. Someone that could transmit to me what they had. Most important requirement for this alkie...Is that they have had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps outlined in the book. Give me someone that is fumbling around with this information and I'm going to be a little bit leery. I didn't have a lot of room for error.
You mention in your last post...
The usual situation for AA newcomers is to get one sponsor, most often within 3 months.
I'm curious where you found that time frame and if you have any suggestions what the newcomer should be doing while he/she waits to get one?
We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.
Notes/comments: The primary responsibility for his/her sobriety rests with the sponsee. The sponsor is simply a helper. The sponsee must occasionally evaluate his/her comfortability and trust level with his sponsor(s). If a sponsor becomes uncommunicative, too demanding or too inattentive, a new sponsor may be needed to further a sponsee's growth in AA. A good sponsor in AA will always encourage a sponsorship change if it can help the sponsee succeed in sobriety and will not take the change personally.
