Yeah, I had a incident like that, once. Not so much about arguing like those two people, but it was along the same lines, though. The incident in question had more to do with controversial issues and open forums than anything else, but the real culprit behind all this was an old curmudgeon named John.
This one guy, John, loved to create controversy any time he could. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have an issue with people in general and what they say before or after a meeting -usually, but this one guy likes stir things up, literally. He liked to go around the room and ask people what political party they belong too. And then laugh at their responses. I mean, what's up with that.
Well, one day I said; Listen, enough already, okay. People come here for a meeting and not to be ridiculed, so keep those remarks to yourself. Well, guess what, he got up, cursed at me for about 2 minutes and then started to throw some chairs around.
After that, we said quiet down or the pastor might ask you to leave. His response; you can't ask someone to leave an AA meeting. I said, you're right, but guess what, it's the churches property and the pastor can ask you to leave if you don't calm down. So guess what, he didn't and the pastor came storming downstairs and said: What the heck is going on here? I'm trying to run a prayer group upstairs. After we told him what just happened the guy was asked to leave. Now, I don't condone that one bit, but it was the church's position not A.A.'s. And why? They could be held liable if someone got hurt, that's why. So he left on his own, still angry though. Needless to say, he came back a week later and apologized to the pastor and those in attendance. We all clapped and said...welcome back. He hasn't caused any more problems since then, but the memory of that day still lingers on.
So let it be told, our actions are just as liable as our words, so be careful what those two (A,B) wish for. I hope your situation gets worked out without provocation, but it is A.A. though so be careful, okay. I hope this helps.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 14th of July 2012 12:37:22 AM
So I go to meeting today early to set up. A couple of people already there sitting in the few seats. As I and a few others start setting up chairs A. and B. ( 2 of the people sitting) start arguing loudly. It's a small room so it was pretty in your face. After a minute or so I say "Cmon guys, not here. Take it outside". I probably said it in an harsh, demanding way, like a boss or angry parent. I was angry. A. turned on me, "who f--do I think I am, mind yoru own business, if you don't like it leave" words to that effect. I responded "I am just doing what I think is right" (one of her justifications for arguing with B), which I know was antagonistic of me.
So. My temptation here is to ask you all to play jury and tell me I am right, they are wrong, here are your wings. God do I want that. So please don't. Not that i think I am right, I just want so savor some self rigtheous indignation, which is worse for me than crack IMNSHO.
A and C are both attractive women (I realized later A and C were both angry at B). So I think there is a big sexual element to this, I want the pretty girls to like me or submit to me. I also feel like an oursider in the group, even though I am fairly close friends with C. C is overall chair, A is kind of the group "golden girl". I'm just brainstorming here, don't know how it all relates. B i don't even like but i felt like he was getting picked on.
Was it my business? I don't think I was out of line saying something, my feeling is they were causing a dispruption and should take it outside the meeting. I felt upset listeing to it. It was not a discussion, they weren't screaming but it were quite loud and nasty. I always feel tempted to trot out the "newcomer who may wallk in" but that didn't happen, so let's keep it in reality.
Or may be I should have left and not played AA cop?
I know at any rate I shoudl have come from a place of kindness not anger. i think if instead of saying "cmon, knock it off" I said, "Guys, your aguing is making me uncomfortable, please stop." That would have been more honest.
The good news is C and I had a nice heart to heart after, these confilicts can be useful, even arguing is communication and an expression of emotion, too things I used to turned to drugs to deal with. I remember when I was at the point where I could not stop doing dope wishing I could feel something other than blissful, it started to feel disgusting like a straight candy diet.
It's funny how these arguments in the past have led to closer relationships with people. I'mj not sure how that works but it has happened to me a number of times in the past.
And I had a good cry, which for me is a home run. My 1st sponsor told me when you bury feelings you bury them alive. I still carry old grief, the arguing upsets me a ton anywhere, all about Mom and Dad of course. So today I think ABC and me unburied some old tears.
Mattbox - I really liked you post. All I can say is that interpersonal relationships are difficult and you are just learning to negotiate them without using. That is the hugest element in all of what you wrote. To differing degrees, all the other people in your meeting have the same problems and are just learning to keep their side of the street clean as well.
So - there's no right or wrong in what you did per say. You did the best with what you had at the moment and you learned from it and stayed sober. That's growth and that's all that matters. None of us is perfect. I act like a total A-hole in sobriety sometimes and I just try and learn whereas before I didn't care.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!