im currently doing my first step first time ive ever done them throughly and honestly and im stuck on ummanageable  i just need a few examples to get my mind rolling on them please help thanks

Hi Lucky,

Welcome to MIP. Was my life unmanageable? Yes.  But there were very few examples as to why. Why would anyone risk life or limb for something so insidious, like alcoholism? Well it does happen, but the reasons as to why may vary. Let's take my life for example; I've been through numerous rehabs, gone to hell and back with this disease and probably should have died numerous times over, but I'm still here. The reason as to why, will continue to linger long after the drink does. I guess it just part of the malady known as alcoholism, that's all. But as far as step one goes, well, that's the only part we need to get 100 %. However, it may not always be that easy. And here's why.

I was never too comfortable with "AA's" definition of the term alcoholic as described in "AA's" first step. Nor was I a fan of the words 'personal powerlessness' or 'unmanageability' either. The mere mention of either/or would make my alcoholism cringe. I thought personal powerlessness meant defeatism and defeatism wasn't an option for me, especially a man of my stature. I never really cared for the word surrender either. Why?  It casted an ugly shadow in the light of my true self, that's why. It felt like an act of betrayal on my part, like I was committing alcoholic treason, somehow. Admitting defeat was not in my vocabulary either, nor was my desire to sober up. I had too, unfortunately, not by choice though. It wasn't until the drink got the best of me that I was finally able to surrender. Even then, it was a stretch. Basically, I had to let go absolutely; and when I did something amazing happened, I felt freedom for the very first time. And so can you.

Here's the thing though, I had to do it for myself and myself only. I had two choices though; I could either live my life as an active alcoholic or try to salvage what was left of my sorry existence. But as far as unmanageability is concerned, that was never a question. Why? I no longer had the option to pick or choose anymore, and to me that's how I describe unmanageability. So what happened? Well, let me put it to you this way; one day the bottle woke up before I did, and after that my life had become unmanageable. The sober part to all this was beginning to unfold, but only after I made my initial admission. The first step states, no good will come of A.A. until we first admit completer defeat. How true. The day I understood the line in its entirety was my first day towards lasting sobriety. And, of course, that's how the ball got rolling for me, eventually. I surrendered, and so should you. I try not to question that premise anymore because I know where that can lead, to another relapse. So buckle up my friend and commit yourself from the very beginning. It can only get better from here, so trust the process and never look back. We won't, either should you. Welcome, again to MIP.   

 

-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 16th of June 2012 01:07:17 AM

Hey Lucky WELCOME to MIP!

Great job getting into our solution,the steps.Pappy has a great pattern to look at,answer honestly and go inside,this is an inside job WE do. WE can also look at unmanageability as OUTWARD  evidence of our powerlessness.This can be evidenced by arrests,job losses,family problems,not being able to hang on to relationships etc,some obvious things.

WE also suffer from INWARD unmanageability(sometimes not so obvious),unhealthy or untrue belief systems about ourselves,the world we live in and the people in our lives.May think we are worthless,loss of hope,the world revolves around us(selfcenteredness,the core of our illness)overeaction to situations,etc  EMOTIONAL VOLATILITY kind of sums it up.

WE work to be honest,openminded and willing to look at the situations going on within us.When we come to that emotional acceptance of utter defeat,we make an admission of our unmanageabilty after going inside and taking an honest look,WE STOP DRINKING( USING!)! we can get ready to fill the void with the next part of our journey,step 2. Right now being free from drinking  will help  get to that level of clarity  that was   so long overpowered by our drinking...Good luck ,keep working,hopefully you are working your steps with a sponsor,for me, I found self sponsoring just didnt work ,was hard to see myself coming! Peace let us  know how its going..  

 

In a PM with another member, I was just reminded of a guy in our group who has a special way of getting his point across ... and why it seems to apply here, I have no idea ...

This guy shares frequently saying : ... ... ... "I have an allergic reaction to alcohol ... ... ... every time I drink? ... I breakout in 'handcuffs"' ... ... ... (LMAO every time he says that, even though I've heard it a hundred times ...

Lucky, ... Mikef is absolutely correct, recovery here is definitely an 'inside' job ... and the key to success is 'honesty', first with yourself, then with others ...

Pappy

Hi Lucky, welcome to MIP. My 1st step was a "no brainer". All excuses used up, no hope of ever drinking like a normal person, complete defeat. Too sick to drink and my affairs under the mangement of others.

No money , no job, no friends, all possession fit in two plastic rubbish bags. That my life was unmanageable was impossible to deny.I was able to concede to my innermost self that I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life. It took but a moment when I finally saw the true nature of my situation.

God bless,
MikeH.

For a good while I thought "unmanageable" meant that I was supposed to view my life as permanently unmanageable and let my higher power manage all of it. I thought that it was all part of surrendering my will to a higher power.

I now realize it's specific to alcohol. I am powerless over alcohol. It wrecked my life to the point of me not functioning the way I was meant to and it was only getting worse. Without alcohol and with the aid of my higher power, I can manage my own life again. You will always be powerless over alcohol, it will always make your life unmanageable. The first step is the one where you basically are accepting that you can never drink again like a normal person. It will ALWAYS result in messing your life up - There is no more fooling yourself or playing games with alcohol. This is why they say this step has to be worked perfectly. It safeguards against relapse because you need to internally know there is no turning you back into a normal drinker.

Examples of unmanageability - Taking extreme risks that could result in my being fired, losing significant relationships, getting hurt, and/or dying. These were regular occurrences when I drank. My life was certainly unmanageable due to the high amount of these things occurring as a direct result of my drinking.

Hope this helps,

Mark

Hey Lucky, ... ... Congrats on 103 days ... that's a big 'hump' to get over ... Well, done ...

Pappy