Why so cynical E-Man? There's still help available for you. Don't take a step back just because your weary of failure. Take a leap forward instead just like you did before. A.A. will provide you with some comfortable reassurances that can get you back on track, so why don't you start there. This forum is a great addition to both A.A. and recovery in general, but it's no substitute for the real thing. A.A. not only personalizes it for me, but it also provides me with some basic tools that can help me 'remain' sober and unafraid. So check out your local meeting scene and never look back, ever. We'll be praying for you. Welcome to "MIP" though.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 15th of June 2012 02:37:43 AM
Alcoholic for 40 years, 2 re-habs, 10 years of sobriety in A.A. and then have been drunk for the last 20 years. 7 days sober today. De-toxed on my own and it wasn't (isn't) pretty. First day I can hold a glass without spilling.
I know the drill, I know the Big Book, I know the Steps and Traditions. I just wonder where the bottom really is ? Because I've been at deaths door, lost pretty much everything, unemployable, and all the other progressive stuff which is an absolute fact.
I'm cynical and I don't want to be. I know it's a minute, hour, or day at a time but I'm so weary of failure. It is nice to be able to walk around without gagging and enjoy the sunshine this morning. I have actually started eating albeit slow going.
Glad to see this Forum. Reading the threads reminds me of the wisdom pooled among those who have been where I am.
Welcome E-man. Of course failure is a predominant fear. While active in our drinking not much of us experienced a lot of success. Take some time to think what a miracle it will be when you succeed? Bet you didn't think about that. To find sobriety 2 decades later after having had 10 years sober...That will make for an amazing story. You are living proof it's not to late because most folks when they go out like that do go out for good. Apparently God does have a better plan for you. Accept his grace. So happy to have you here with us!!!
Welcome!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My 1st drink was at 20, and I'm now 59 ... So I can relate to your experience 1st hand , as can many on this forum ... I have been to 4 rehabs ... I have detoxed myself many times (nearly died a few times) ... Until this last time, I was only able to put together nine months sober at the most ... By the grace of God, I have 'today' and a little more time this time around than in the past ...
Sounds about right, when I detoxed myself? ... yep, about a week before I could get rid of the straw to drink liquids with (shaking so bad) ... (the bitch of it was, trying to drink coffee ... that was down right impossible, unless it got cold first ... LOL ... Rehab centers are better to detox cause 'they have pills' AND doctors ...
Looking for your 'Bottom'??? ... you sound a lot like me, or the way I drank anyways ... Don't know about you, but I seriously don't think I can survive another detox ... so the 'bottom'? ... the 'bottom' to me is the point at which you figure the pain of drinking far out-weighs the pleasure ... and to sink any deeper simply means to die ... (has your tongue returned to the normal pink color rather than the pasty white? ... took me a long time to get my 'taste' back) ...
It's never too late to stop ... repair as much of the damage you caused as you can ... and learn to enjoy life, for a change ...
Congrats on 7 days ... that's monumental ... You are probably still very, very weak ... if you insist on NOT going to the doctor ... take plenty of vitamins, B12 especially, and have some sweets around to soften the alcohol cravings ... When you're able, get to some meetings and accept the help offered by others ... You said you know the drill??? ... Well, go to meetings, get a sponsor ASAP and do the work ... You do not have to drink again ... Not today, anyway!
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I spent 7 years in the program, then back out for 7 years. Last month I celebrated 20 years. My last detox I did die. I think I get what you're going through.
I think Pappy said it well...and to sink any deeper means to die.
Glad you are still with us. I had a good friend who drank after 10 years sobriety. Sadly he didn't make it back. I thought he would "know the drill", that it ought to be easier to work with him with all his prior knowledge, but that had all gone. He might never have been to AA. But some, like you Eman, God seems to bless with another window of opportunity. I pray that you will make the most of it.
Perhaps sometime you you could tell us why you fell off the wagon after 10 years. Was there something in the steps that you couldn't get past?
You're right Fyne Spirit, I should describe how I fell off the wagon if it will re-inforce what not to do for somebody else.
The cause was simple. It was not observing the basic fundamentals of the program. I was well planted with a group of great guys in the town I lived in. Great Sponsor and dedicated to 3 Men's meetings a week.
A new job opportunity took me a few hundred miles away. I did not find new meetings nor did I keep my sobriety as the highest priority in my life. I became a gym rat working out with a friend daily who knew I was an Alcoholic. We would typically hit the gym sandwhich bar after our shower before going back to work. About 6 months in, he couldn't make it one day and I went alone. At the sandwhich bar I noticed they sold beer.... Nobody knew me and none of my friends would know. I drank two beers that day. From that point forward I was off and running. I was chasing the Dragon again.
We have all heard the same story from others. Nobody is exempt from the fundamentals.
You don't have to 'fight' the program ... Right now, you're just pissed off that you even need to consider that the AA 'way of life' is about the only option left for you ... well, that or death ... It's a bitch being backed up into a corner, huh ? ... well, guess what, with the right attitude, you come to love AA and every minute you are 'allowed' to have in a meeting ... Beats the 'hell' out of the alternative ...
And GREAT Tasha, if your fear of getting the ole 'snow white' tongue helps keep you from taking that next drink, then my job here is done ... And seriously, if you never experienced the 'cotton mouth' you will sometimes hear of, then you've never had the pleasure of tasting cardboard with everything you put in your mouth, for days ... ... ... until all the dead cells can be replaced ... just imagine, if you can see all that damage to your tongue, how bad the inside of your body looks like after some binge drinking ???? ... You know you've got a drinking problem when you'd much rather have a drink than try to eat anything ... one, because absolutely nothing tastes good ... and two, it messes up your buzz ... (ever wonder why some of us get so skinny??? ... there's your answer) ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm new here, but many years sober. Sobriety is not all peaches and cream as we all know. Many ups and downs. In my experience in AA, I have seen many members go out and drink after many years of sobriety. One of the things that they all had in common was that they stiopped going to meetings. That, my friend, is the key ingredient to losing one's sobriety.
Here is what you wrote "I did not find new meetings nor did I keep my sobriety as the highest priority in my life." I have been in some far out places in my sobriety and I have alway been able to find a group. Not easy at times, but there was always one out there.
Not to be facetious, but when you mentioned falling off the "wagon", that reminded me of an old timer who told me years ago when I used that term. He told me; " that 'wagon' is just a vehicle to carry me from my last drunk to my next one." One last quote from another old timer "If you don't want to get snake bit, you don't go in the snake pit." Old sayings like these have kept me on my toes in susceptible situations.
I wish you luck and may God be with you in you long journey to a long and sober life.
