Sooooooo,

I buy a condo in Florida and actually reside there.  My work actually has me in Florida half the year, and since it is within a couple hours from my house in South Carolina, it made sense to have a place there.  Like all the condo associations in Florida, there are issues.  The board members asked me to join because they did not have enough board members.  I did not need to get elected because there was a vacancy with no other "volunteers".  I join and walk into a dysfunctional situation.  

The bottom line is that they have been running on a shoestring with no real paper trail and minimum transparency.  The most basic tracking systems are not being used, and they were not even emailing each other or using the CC function of emails.  When some serious errors that were made prior to my being appointed popped up, there was a bit of finger pointing and hard feelings, and when I tried to bring the board to an administrative standard that would have "trapped" the errors in the future, a board member (who I suspect is alcoholic) went off his rocker in an effort to intimidate me and essentially yelled "Lets get this straight, I don't like you. You are not my friend".  

Yikes. I recognize his behavior.  It was my behavior while I was drinking. I was able to let it pass, as there was nothing I could do.  In fact, if I was a vengeful person, there was really nothing I could do to make him look worse than by peacefully looking him in the eye with no fear or doubt about my actions.  

The meeting ended after that and he beat a hasty and embarrassing exit, and this morning he called me as if nothing happened, and offered to help me with some projects I had.  I appreciated his call as it helped clear the air, and although it screamed of "our" cyclic emotions, I really need to keep an eye on my own sobriety.  I am glad I have this program, but the bottom line is that I am exposing myself to events that do not "keep it simple" as far as my life goes.  The problem is that I am not a quitter, and I think there is some "hanky panky" monetarily  that I want to snuff out. I really see it as a good verses evil thing, and I feel compelled to follow through.  Anyhoo, I thought I would share that with you all.

Tom

Really Tom, ... ???

Condo Assn. Board member ??? .... I don't know any alcoholic running around looking for MORE responsibility ... Sounds like a job for ... ... 'PsychoMan' ... ...

All kidding aside, it's great you had sobriety on your side to deal with this situation in a sane manner ...


God Bless,
Pappy

turninggrey wrote:

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I will keep all this in mind, but I do not think an alcoholic needs to hide from the world.  If the program is strong in your life and you have grown in strength, the idea of the program is for us to function in the real world.  

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 That's actually my point, we do need to function on the real world and that -is- the purpose of the steps, part of functioning in the real world is examining our motives and watching our character defects be revealed.

You say you were "expecting his reaction", like my daddy always used to say, "trust everyone (to follow their nature) and that way you will never be surprised."

Have fun with it, I'd be doing the same exact thing, I think my point is I'd be going in knowing I was about to play the part of the Jaywalker in my emotional life yet again, does that make sense? Like, oh look, a freeway, lets go play on it, yes I'm going to get hit, but it doesn't necessarily keep me off them.

I'm right there with you, not talking down to you, a point I am having difficulty conveying in print, sorry.

This is just me but if I were to ask,

"Why does an alcoholic ( Fill in the behavior here) ?

I'd be asking the question about myself

When I started asking, "Why do (practicing) alcoholics behave the way they do?"

I ended up in Alanon and Coda

For a full serving of your own insanity and control issues get some of the higher end AA service positions in addition to your position at the COA, the steps take on a whole new meaning.

Good luck with all of this, I'm not knocking what you are doing and I would probably end up doing the same thing, it's more I will be following this story with amusement as I like to tilt at windmills my own self, I'd say the only difference is I -might- have a better grasp of my own insanity, instead of asking why he behave the way he does, I'd be asking myself what are my motives and what did I expect to happen, I'd check SPD's post about the hero, savior, martyr, Victim here

My take on it is how I try and victimize myself, which of course requires someone to (involuntarily and usually unknowingly) play the part a villain, which I of course will assign. All of this is, is carefully orchestrated so that I can derive pity from others and myself. After all, pity is the next best thing to approval.    My standard OP, if I'm trying to run my life, instead of HP,  is to look for opportunities daily to be a hero. Of course Hero is not always available, so I'll settle for Savior. If that's not happening there is always Martyr and last but certainly not least is Victim. lol. So the next time you ask your sponsor if you "should do something, or not" and they ask you to examine your "Motives", do the Hero, Savior, Martyr, Victim check.

LinBabaAgo-go wrote:

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This is just me but if I were to ask,

"Why does an alcoholic ( Fill in the behavior here) ?

I'd be asking the question about myself

When I started asking, "Why do (practicing) alcoholics behave the way they do?"

I ended up in Alanon and Coda

For a full serving of your own insanity and control issues get some of the higher end AA service positions in addition to your position at the COA, the steps take on a whole new meaning.

Good luck with all of this, I'm not knocking what you are doing and I would probably end up doing the same thing, it's more I will be following this story with amusement as I like to tilt at windmills my own self, I'd say the only difference is I -might- have a better grasp of my own insanity, instead of asking why he behave the way he does, I'd be asking myself what are my motives and what did I expect to happen, I'd check SPD's post about the hero, savior, martyr, Victim here

 

My take on it is how I try and victimize myself, which of course requires someone to (involuntarily and usually unknowingly) play the part a villain, which I of course will assign. All of this is, is carefully orchestrated so that I can derive pity from others and myself. After all, pity is the next best thing to approval.    My standard OP, if I'm trying to run my life, instead of HP,  is to look for opportunities daily to be a hero. Of course Hero is not always available, so I'll settle for Savior. If that's not happening there is always Martyr and last but certainly not least is Victim. lol. So the next time you ask your sponsor if you "should do something, or not" and they ask you to examine your "Motives", do the Hero, Savior, Martyr, Victim check.

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 Hey LBBAG!

I honestly was prepared for his reaction and prayed prior to the meeting for the strength to keep my head.  The reason I asked the question is because I have always observed Condo Association meetings from the outside and knew some of the pitfalls going in, but my investment is on the line and I still think I have experience to bring to the table--not ego. The question was sarcastic because it is a voluntary position.  It is like Pinkchip said, I look at it like a job.  I really feel the situation ended up in a good place, and I am taking a "time out" to recover and reflect.  I dont think I would quit unless the board adopted unethical or non standard procedures, and that was the proposal I spoke out against.  I was backed by all but one, and the one in question called the next day and reconsidered his position.  I will keep all this in mind, but I do not think an alcoholic needs to hide from the world.  If the program is strong in your life and you have grown in strength, the idea of the program is for us to function in the real world.  

What a great opportunity for growth! We are never done growing. Everything presents a challenge for us to do better and better in our relationships with the people in God's world.

The poor guy sounds reactive and yes, it was nice he called you, as long as his motives were honest. You're the one with a program of recovery, you can probably see he is a child of God.

Why did God get me sober and help me find Him? So I could help others, and if I can't help them I can play the role God assigns me. What is it in this scenario? Take a look at page 417 & 418 in the Big Book (i guess in the newest edition it's pg 449 & 450.)

It says that all the players are right in their places. See the humor in it.  See the lightheartedness.

Where do you fit in? It says I'm the chief critic, I love to make you do everythign perfectly because I KNOW you want it that way just like I do.

It's really hard to be one of many and not fix stuff to perfection, to sit back and do my part, however small or large i feel God wants me to be involved. And to keep my mouth shut is tough sometimes. I love to control stuff.

I don't fix everyone and everything then i walk away and let it go out of my head. I say, "God, I did the best I could for you, I played the part I feel you wanted me to, and now would you take the whole thing out of my head please so I can have peace?"

Best of luck.