Hi, I have been in AA since January. Before going to AA I had almost 9 mos. of sobriety on my own. I have relapsed more frequently since being in AA although the relapses have not been quite as bad they are more frequent! I havent even been able to get 90 days. I relapsed last Friday and stopped Monday morning. I am a blackout drinker and rarely remember most of my drinking days except for small glimpses. I am so dissappointed in myself I have been working the steps and have a great sponcor. I dont even know what triggers my drinking. I know I had been emotional and overwhelmed. I am detoxing now and feel so emotional and GUILTY. I WILL go back. I am not giving up...I just want this physical and emotional pain of the relapse to go away so that i can pick up the pieces again and have the strength to start again. Most of my friends are not alcoholics and I feel like although they have seen progress..just view me as weak. Thanks for letting my vent.
In the 12x12 it says that pain is The touch stone of all spiritual growth. This may sound cold hearted but I assure its not. If sober and free is what you really want, I'm glad your in lots of pain. Ask anyone around here, in AA that is, no one gets sober and does what we have to do to get and stay sober when things are good. When its good what's the point. Intense pain and intense love have been my greatest teachers. Glad you showed up. You weren't doing the deal. No one drinks if they are doing the deal. Pick yourself up, dust your ass off and get back in the middle of AA and do the deal and you WILL make it. Welcome and I hope to hear more from you.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
I've always heard that when the 'pain of drinking outweighs the pleasure', then you're ready to make a change ...
Had enough pain yet? ... I know I can jump right back to that life of pain anytime I want ... AA reminds me ...... I don't want to ... the AA 'way of life' is soooooo much better than alcohol's way of life .... alcohol nearly took everything I had ... and is right outside my door, waiting to be invited back in ... I, too, stayed around AA for a long time before I'd had enough pain and shame to come back on a regular basis ...
I promise, It doesn't take that long to see a real difference in your life when you live the AA way ... and you'll learn to not miss the pain ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Everyone needs to hit their bottom and come to the conclusion there just isn't another drink out there for them.
A lot of us where in the same position at one time and have long term recovery so there is pleanty of hope. Trust God, get honest, clean house and quit jaywalking
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
My ultimate defeat came after I came to AA, because my pain was highlighted and magnified 10 fold over. Then came absolute surrender to God and my sponsor was then able to work with me, because of my willingness to practice the steps in my life. As I progressed spiritually, surrender to God's will, became natural and faith became fortified and life became natural.
I remember screaming and crying about how I felt like "an empty shell of a person." That was what really got me to hit bottom.
Stop downing yourself and viewing yourself as weak. A huge percentage of alcoholics never even seriously try to quit. I suspect a huge trigger for your relapses is that you don't believe much in a higher power or in yourself. Hence, you punish yourself with relapses. You are willing and are participating in the program, but if you continue hating yourself, you are thwarting your own efforts because you will keep wanting to punish yourself through relapse. You ARE worth accummulating lasting sobriety. Stop the self-sabotage.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi. Non-acceptance gets us nowhere. I understand and know today that I can not pick up a drink,it will kill me in the end. A terrible way to die too.
Hmm, stop the self- sabotage ! Well yes how true is that one. :} If you all like me a REAL Alcoholic I was told that I needed a program of living in my life. The 12 steps of AA.
NEVER GIVE UP ON A GOOD THING..AA is the GOOD THING.
As for help at your next meeting and I can assure you you will get all the help you need. I asked for friends to help me and they have :}
Your higher power,the God of your understanding is beside you all along,turn to him for strength and guidance ask in your morning prayers. It will come, No good not doing anything. Maybe your good sponsor is waiting till you are truly good and ready to understand the acceptance of step one.
