R.E. your question above ... ... ... EVERY situation is somewhat different, however, as we start 'coming around' and acting in a sane manner, we usually have a tremendous desire to think we're okay and we can now assume our roles as life intended ... This is the time to be diligent in working the program and utilize all the patience and love we can muster up ... We had become liars, cheaters, and thieves in our drinking, so it takes quite a while to earn our family's trust back ... and at this point, we are not nearly 'out-of-the-woods' yet ...
So ... ... ... Based on my experience, I'd simply 'cool-it' on demanding my way be done, and let things go on their own for a while ... The whole premise of the program is about giving up 'control' ... I found I didn't necessarily have to have the control I thought I had to have ... My wife took over paying bills, for instance, while I was still actively drinking ... it made me feel a failure and hurt me terribly, cause I was responsible for that for 30 years ... but I knew I couldn't stay responsible, I loved my beer and vodka too much ... When I did get sober, I wanted to take some of these responsibilities back and regain my power and control ... My sponsor had me sit back and do a gratitude list one day and zero in on how much work my wife was doing for the family ... I walked away with a different attitude, cause I realize just how much work and responsibility it was to maintain the checking account and get all those bills paid ... Hey, I'm not a total idiot, I offered to take back the responsibility, but she said she didn't mind doing it since she got used to it ... Hey ... I DON'T FREAKIN' HAVE TO DO IT!!! ... So I count my blessings ... So she has control, BIG 'f...ing' deal ... More power to her ...
If you stay in the program, you'll become more responsible for, and more desiring of, helping out around the house with the kids, cleaning, maintenance and so-forth ... Don't rush things, you're not totally 'well' yet ... It will come in time, grasshopper, patience !!!
God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 31st of May 2012 03:30:10 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
So I have hit a month sober!! I never thought I would do it, even though my mind was in the right place. Personal accomplishment is a great feeling, being sober is a great feeling. Thank you all for being here, I do not say much but the readings of all the post helps me get through.
So I did some math, one month sober has saved me close to 1000.00. 5 months smoke free has saved me close to 2000.00. Collectively 3 grand saved, do I have any more money in my pocket, no, but my bills are getting paid rather than avoided.
A question to you all, even thought my wife and I are not fighting any where near what we were before, as. Those fights always had to do with drinking. We are still having some fights, typical marriage/parenting fights, but what I have found is I am more or one to stand my ground and fight back on what I think is right rather than take a drink and avoid. Is this somewhat common with sobriety?
Thanks for al the help.
Wow - I feel the same - way less fighting (nice) but the confidence I'm feeling now causes some ripples. I always need to stay humble - trying currently to not react when my emotions are still bubbling. Asking to take a break and talk about things when we're calm is key for me. Same with my kids - when I'm out numbered, and over powered, I have to drop what I'm doing and just give in. Remind myself, I owe them at least that, and that they only have one childhood. Still not perfect, but better than I ever imagined possible.
Every night at supper, I ask my kids what their favorite thing during the day was. Yesterday, my 3 and 5 yr old both blurted at the same time - laughing so hard with you Mama, when you were letting us ride on your feet. It was the most fun part of my day too, and it was a long time since I rolled around on the floor with them. Super bonding! Love sobriety!
Thanks for posting!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Sobriety is a great feeling, isnt it? With all the alcohol and tobacco out of your system I bet your seeing a change that is a million times better than the sick feeling of being drunk and smoking. It keeps getting better too the longer you leave it alone, especially if you dont give in to the cravings!!, Just think how much money youll have in 6 months, or a year, Imagine if your rewards of sobriety have doubled or trippled a few months from now!? Something to think about!
