You are reading from the book Touchstones </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=212>.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. --Albert Camus
Sometimes we suddenly see or sense opposite emotions within ourselves. The cold of winter presses in on us, and we may feel tested by its bite. Yet, when we think we cannot bear it a moment longer, we find a counterforce within, an inner reassurance that comes like a summer breeze and says we can do what we must. Perhaps it comes in a time of dark despair, and we realize that at least we've made it this far. We are pretty tough. In our deepest sadness about the loss of a love, we may find a more meaningful contact with our Higher Power.The opposites in our lives may tempt us to fight them. One side may be very clear and obvious while the other side is hidden. When we are open, these extremes are spiritual teachers for us. As we think about life and our feelings today, what opposites do we find?Today, I will remember that I have an invincible summer at the deepest part of winter in my life.
######ROSIE......i kind of felt this over t/giving holiday.....that little old rescue doggie triggered something DEEP inside of me.....the realization, that i must GIVE UP this futile need to be in control.....i was driving myself NUTS......thinking i am surrendering but STILL holding on with clenched hands....fearful that if i let go, things will totally fall apart!!!!!! that tues night, on the 22nd of nov, was a DARK point for me, but it was ALSO my DAWN.....the awakening, the "coup de gras" of my GIVING UP....and no bullshit behind it this time.......it was in my HEART....to give UP.....QUIT fighting it.....QUIT trying to fight and protect and force the issue/end result.............i finally came to the point that it is TIME!!!!!! time for me to GIVE UP........i found a new sense of peace afterwards....the next day, though tired and sick with the flu, i felt a new sense of being set free from the CRAP i could not control.....i was fighting satan on his OWN arena and getting beaten down.......so i STOPPED......it had been comming....the step 3/ 11 combo....the "god work" the steps i fought the most.....it began to boil when i got SO tired working my recovery, as usual, trying to FORCE the process....OVERdoing it on the boards, literature, to FORCE the outcome (faster healing)....and all i did was get TIRED!!!! worn OUT!!!!!! so i realized i needed to DISCIPLINE me.....set a LIMIT/ boundary on ME....AGAIN!!!!!! but the bubble didn't burst till the rescue doggie came into my life.....she was there to "pop the poisonous pimple of hanging on/ controlling" she was the catalyst of my FINALLY realizing that i MUST give up what i cannot control......just do an HONEST effort/ trust in the rest................work my program DILIGENTLY/ trust that i will recover.................take care of me the BEST i can do/ trust hp will pick up the rest................QUIT forcing and pushing and shoving// QUIT beating the bushes// trust that it will come to me........................yes, the opposites in my life tempted me to fight!!! thats all i KNEW in my past.......MY will......MY will to survive.......MY "i'll show u i can"...............well that worked then...but not now.......when i am OPEN....HONEST....WILLING....it comes to me..............i am tired of these deep winters....i really hope this was a "worst is over" type thingy bcuz i am getting tired of the "trying karma" i am ready for the "happy karma".......i certainly am willing to do all i can (even if it means to give UP) to reach that end........i know the BANE of my life has been this FEAR of losing control.......FEAR my needs won't be met unless i "push/shove/force" the issue........FEAR to trust in ANYthing.......but i made a big breakthough expressing to my HP that i am ready/ willing to surrender, that it is my hearts DESIRE to surrender...let go.....take my hands OFF......
