I had 6 years sober the 4 years and the last 4 hears have been fightning to get back in AA.
Like I said before I'm doing step four with a little step 5 mixed in with my Spounsor.
I always felt like I didn't belong ..always felt nervous and at times made stories up just to have something to say at the meetings.
The writing down my life story and confronting some sick thinking and finding out I'm not much different than my spounsor or most of the people in the AA rooms, has been so en-lightening.
The last few meetings I'm more relaxed and feel more at home than I ever thought I could feel.
I have a very long way to go and realize that I'll be doing a step 4 and 5 and so on repeatedly.
but it sure has lifted so much off my just plain being me.
Thanks so much for sharing that, Bear. I love that pic that represents you. I'm glad you are feeling more comfortable. You are not alone. And even your feeling uncomfortable is like most of us, who have long histories of 'not fitting in'.
After Step 4.. later on,, comes Step 10, which is the daily inventory. Sounds like you might have a good sponsor there, eh? really helping you to understand and get through it.
I think you are a real asset to this group, and am very glad you are here.
keep coming!
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
"As alcoholics, we often see ourselves as either the center of the universe or invisible to everyone present. This is one of the dilemmas of our condition. We may ache to be noticed yet feel excruciatingly self-conscious when we are the center of attention."
-The Little Red Book
-- Edited by Doll at 19:37, 2005-11-30
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Mike from Boston here. I'm fairly new to this group, but have been sober 9 5/6 years now. I know how you feel with the fitting in stuff. Despite having done, and continuing to do, lots of step work, i still often feel lkie I don't fit in at meetings. I jump from group to group and really don't often form real friendships. I do this on-line as well. the good thing is that today I realize that the problem is me, not everybody else, and that my higher power can and will help, if sought. That being said, I'm glad you-re feeling well and I enjoy your shares. I'm really looking forward to Christmas (the holiday we celebrate) this year. Our daughter Sheila is sixteen months old and we want to try and start introducing her to the good things people can do for other during this season - the true holiday spirit. I'm sure she'll enjoy any gifts she gets as well. Mike in Boston
I don't jump into many conversations YET!!! But I do read most everything posted.
I'm kind of bummed at times because I gave my driving privileges to the judge. I won't get them back until spring. I do thank god I can make a decent living working from home on my computer. I am also thankful I didn't hurt or kill anyone while driving insanely...
You all are very appreciated!!!! The sobriety here gives me hope for my furture.
