I first found the program in 1978 and stayed sober for seven years, then went back out for seven years before returning. On May 10th of this year I celebrated 20 years of continued sobriety. The things I learned upon my initial arrival into this program were, I believe, crucial to me making it on the second go around. I've been doing alot of thinking about 'back then' and how different things look now - partly because of time and partly because of geographical location and how different areas have different informal traditions. I am not suggesting that the old ways were better - just that I miss them. Here are some of my favorite of the informal traditions that were present at my first meetings that I haven't seen for a while:
1. There was always a meeting after the meeting. A coffee shop or restaurant where members would meet after the meeting. In my location at the time, most meetings were speaker meetings which consisted of five or six speakers from a visiting group speaking for 10-15 minutes each and the rule was that you had to have a year sober to speak at one of these 'commitments'. As a result, newcomers didn't do a lot of speaking at meetings except during the break and before or after meetings - but (almost) like it or not, they were drug to the meeting after the meeting where they could talk their hearts out - and be listened to. The only way for them to share was to start hanging out with sober folks after the meeting.
2. One of the service positions was 'greeter' who stood at the door and welcomed everyone as they came to the meeting. When a newcomer would come in, the greeter would engage them if they could until someone with alot of time came through and introduce them - or send the next oldtimer after them if the newcomer wandered off. The oldtimer would invite the newcomer to stand with him at the door (giving the greeter the night off) and welcome everyone who came afterwards. Often the newcomer was shaking sufficently that shaking hands was easy. The fear that many of us have that we might be 'seen' was nipped in the bud quickly after you've met everyone on your first meeting.
3. Steps were done quickly. About the time you got a temporary sponsor (which often happened at the meeting after the meeting) he or she would walk you through the first three steps. The fourth step was more often than not done at the sponsors home on the following Saturday morning at his or her kitchen table while the coffee flowed and the sponsor was there to field questions. "Are you ready to take the Fifth Step?" was the question which invariably followed. Not knowing any other protocal - the answer was almost always, "I guess so." Then on to six and seven after the tears. Dinner and then step eight. Not all amends were ready to be made at that point but the emotional exhaultation and dizzying pace often made it where the ninth step was begun that night and continued on Sunday after a night sleeping (in many if not most cases) on their sponsors couch. By Sunday afternoon, many of the amends they were never going to make on Saturday night were doable and by Sunday evening they were introduced to ten, eleven and twelve.
These steps were not done perfectly by any means, but in my opinion and from personal experience, this method catapulted people into recovery and sobriety. The fact was, they were done to the best of the persons ability at the moment - which is all we can ever do... our best at the time.
Anywho, people are still coming into the program and still staying sober so the program works. These differences are just me reminiscing and deciding if I want to incorporate certain of the old informal traditions into my AA life today. As it stands, I have started the meeting after the meeting at my home group and look forward to seeing how it progresses.
That was a great post. I have noticed similar things, especially the meeting after the meeting. For some reason at many meetings here the best you can hope for is the time it takes to smoke a cigarette outside, then people rush off. Places to go, people to see I guess.
As for doing the steps quickly, that has never been popular practice here, unless you can find a sponsor who hasn't been through a particular treatment centre that was running at the time. The local practice was to babysit the newcomer for 6 weeks and then put them on the bus to the treatment center. (this was a world class operation funded by the government). The treatment centre took people up to step 5, so very few of our membership learned how to take a newcomer through the first 5 steps. So I guess pride does its thing and "we don't know how" becomes "you're not ready" in many cases.
I had the privilage of visiting a well run speaker meeting in another part of the country last year, and I saw the magic you were talking about. There was a greeter who made me welcome and introduced me to the secretary who put me on the speaker list. The speakers were all solutions based, the meeting was really positive about recovery. Looking around the room I saw people of both sexes and all ages, and all stages of recovery from newcomers to one chap who had 50 years up. At the end of the meeting it became apparent that many group members had active roles to play, literature, treasurer, cleaner, greeter, etc etc. After the meeting they held a group conscience meeting which was well attended, while another was assigned to looking after guests. Then we all adjourned to a coffee lounge. This meeting was just soooo attractive. Solutions based and safe, I saw no sign of any seedy behaviour, I had the feeling the GC would have a strategy to keep the meeting and its members safe.
Still, it's no good lamenting the past. I know the real deal is still around AA and while I can't change our entire town, I make suggestions at my home group. We are becoming active as a group and are putting on a special Saturday night speaker meeting on"Our twelfth suggestion" to create some interest in 12 step work. I find people around who really want to take the steps but whose sponsors tell them they are not ready. Some are new, one had 12 years up?? So I put on a small 12 step workshop now and again, and we take all 12 steps in the course of an afternoon. They are not completed of course, but we make a good start and much of the mystery and fear is removed. We are having one this sunday which includes previous participants teaching others while taking them again for themselves. Strange how those that have done this work seem to stay sober. We now have some members who talk about having taken the steps (a radical proposition) and you can see others sit up and take notice.
So as individuals we can make a difference and I think it's great you have started the meeting after the meeting - well done!
