My Mum yelled at my sister and I before we were to go to lunch today. We're both in our 40's. She lost patience and yelled. My sister hadn't heard her do it for years. I've heard her quite often over the years. She doesn't bother to try to hide it from myself or my children. What a lovely way to start a Mothers Day. She did appologise, but it's brought me back down to the powerless feelings of childhood again. Actually that's what my sister said, it's like when we were teenagers. Then in the next breath she stated that she behaves like that with her children. Maybe there may be a lesson for all of us here. All in all, it turned out to be quite a nice day. I guess that's our family pattern. Mum would cause a stir before we went out anywhere. Then we wouldn't feel like going and acting all jolly and happy, like nothing happened, swept under the carpet. My kneck grew tight, which usually signals a headache coming on. Luckily I was able to relax driving to the pub. My sister and Mum drove over together. It helped me to settle and think about things (even though there were 5 children with me). I know we're all not perfect and we all make choices we regret.
Good to vent and organize our true feelings. I have a mom that I will never change and with the help of the program I can take her as she is. She means no harm and accepting her helps me to understand her. Glad you salvaged the day. Happy Mothers Day.
All the readings of the big book has brainwashed me. Just after it happened, the thought that we're not to get angry at other sick people kept going through my head. That really helped.
Thank you for your post Tracey. Yes, in Step 10 it tells us it's hard to get angry at others who like ourselves are frequently work, imperfect and somewhat spiritually ill. What I also have learned is this yelling or anger is more about her and her reality then it is about you. Love and tolerance of others come to mind.
Just a thought: might be time to talk about the Elephant in the room. It might be time for some healthy boundaries. Yelling and venting in front of the children is unacceptable behavoir etc......... We kneel before no one, except a loving God.
For years now I've been bringing up that her behaviour is not good for the children let alone anyone. It only results in me copping more from both my Mum and Dad. Dad is that used to it, he thinks her behaviour is normal. A year or so ago I passed him a book and leaflets on al-anon and abusers. She wears him down. One of my sister's is in denial and my older one rarely comes home. She said she doesn't even know if she'ld go to her funeral. Mum was the most ferocious with her though. I'm the one she really goes for now. Whenever we're alone together she lets me have it. Now I try and have someone with me when I know they're visiting or meet them some where public. Even on the phone I try and keep it short and sweet before she starts launching into me.
Thank you for your post Tracey. Yes, in Step 10 it tells us it's hard to get angry at others who like ourselves are frequently work, imperfect and somewhat spiritually ill. What I also have learned is this yelling or anger is more about her and her reality then it is about you. Love and tolerance of others come to mind.
Just a thought: might be time to talk about the Elephant in the room. It might be time for some healthy boundaries. Yelling and venting in front of the children is unacceptable behavoir etc......... We kneel before no one, except a loving God.
I could not agree more. I have also found that my love for my mother leads me to feel obligated to relate to her in an unhealthy way, I can feel guilty at times when I have healthy boundaries with her as I really feel that she then sees how unhealthy her emotions can be. And I feel guilty. But I have now run out of strength and can no longer keep up these mad parts that we seem to play.
