I have an 8 month old baby girl and I have to say that if I were to get run over by a bus tomorrow I could die knowing that I contributed something wonderful to the world. The strange thing for me though is that for the first time in as long as I can remember I actually care if I live or die. This perfect little person i helped create needs me and in spite of my flaws I'm a good father to her. When I imagine myself staggering drunk at 3am out of some awful bar in some shitty neighborhood while my baby is at home peacefully dreaming I cringe. I know that we have to want to get sober for ourselves but I have to say nothing makes me want to be a better person that her smiling face and big blue eyes. I'm not the same person I was 8 months ago...even if I wanted to be the way I was I couldn't. I need your help. I'm willing to go to any lengths. I'm waving the white flag...I surrender. I may never have the bright light, "presence of god" experience but I've had something equally amazing happen and I just can't go back.
You are a father now. That is now a HUGE part of your identity. Hence, your daughter and the thoughts that she inspires in you - That is still doing it for yourself.
She is your inspiration - but you are still doing it for you (and I mean that in a good way - I'm just saying your motives sound good to me).
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 8th of May 2012 09:01:50 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Oh, Tipsy, wanting to be sober and willing to go to any length to stay sober is the best thing you have done for you and your family. do the 90 meetings in 90 days and don't drink between meetings, the desire to stop drinking is the only requirement of the AA program. you will want to do what is right. it sometimes takes awhile for the program to find its way from our head to our heart, but it will happen. i was a heavy drinker for years (about 30) and this program works for me, got my 3 year chip in Jan. if it works for me, and it does, it can work for anyone. keep coming back. hugs from jj/sheila p.s. my grandbaby will not know how i was if i keep coming back.
Keep doing what your doing to say sober and God willing like me you will be around to see your children's ?!! children :} :}
When I sobered up my daughter put her arms around me and said she was so happy to have her Mum back. A year later she said she has never ever seen me so well and happy. Yes I improved with time :}
I always say if it wasn't for my first child at the age of 21, God knows where I would've ended up. Not to say that things were perfect or anything, but I can honestly say it could've been a lot worse.
Thank you for posting this. It enters my mind a lot.
Hey James, you've been reading my stuff for 6 years, but I'll say this again. The birth of my child drove me in here to stay. I couldn't "imagine" my son seeing me stagger around screwing up my life when I was responsible for his. Like the old saying goes, "Some of us are born with responsibility and the rest of us have responsibility Thrust upon us". Welcome to the club. :o)
So glad to have you back with us in The Life Raft! Pick up a paddle my friend and enjoy the journey. I learned here that "the only requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking". That desire didn't have to be mine. If I didn't do something about my drinking, soon society would.
My children motivated me to get here, but the change from doing The Steps and God entering my life kept me here. Prayers sent your way for the same Awakening.
If I didn't do something about my drinking, soon society would.