I came to AA on the 26th of Dec. I stayed sober 40 days. Relapse drinking was worse than any other drinking I've ever done.
I came back to AA on the 26th of March. Today I am sober 40 days again.
Tomorrow will be a very special day for me, but I am still grateful for this one.
I barely made it to 40 days last time. All I thought about was drinking... I had already been planning it for days, and had already bought the wine on day 38. Can't believe it sat hidden in the cubbord for 2 whole days actually.
Today I went grocery shopping, and my favorite hard iced tea was stacked in a huge pyramid on SUPER SPECIAL SALE as I walked in. I stopped and stared at the giant triangle of booze. I remembered what it tasted like, what it felt like to take that first drink, how I would sleep through the night, and wake in the morning.
Terrible, awful, sweaty, sluggish. NO THANK YOU! BLECK!
In my mind, pyramids of shame, guilt, habit, heart ache, fear and resentment came crumbling down, as I realized, for sure, that my desire to drink has been removed.
Now I can build a new pyramid of trust, love, nurture and gratitude. Brick by brick, rebuilding my life in a new way. I imagined my new pyramid, golden and glowing with rays of light and beauty. Really - it was like a movie scene.
Then a lady spooked me out of my lala land as she excused herself to reach for one of the yellow packages in front of me. I must have looked crazy standing there staring at the booze... but when I walked away empty handed, I knew that a part of my true insanity was left behind.
What's changed? Honesty.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 4th of May 2012 05:04:05 PM
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 4th of May 2012 05:14:12 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Keep this up and one day you'll look back on all this and laugh, like we do. I sometimes say that my wife and I go to the liquor store, sit in the car and jokingly say. Lets go in and get a few bottles of the same stuff that almost killed us the last time.
"what's changed? honesty." I hear that.
p.s. I went to my first meeting on May 14, 1994 so I got an anniversary coming soon as well
-- Edited by Wolfie55 on Friday 4th of May 2012 10:26:20 PM
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
That's great to hear Tasha. You're rebuilding that life again dear and alcohol, like you said, is no longer an option but freedom certainly is. The possibilities for you today are endless and extend way past that 40 day milestone too, I assure you that. So keep the momentum going dear and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.
Happy day 41, lovely lady. It just keeps getting better and better. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Go You!
