I had my first meeting with my new sponsor today. I was excited to talk with her and get to know her a bit. We went out for lunch and hit it off immediately. She's an art teacher, I'm a music teacher. We talked of budget cuts and misunderstanding. Over compensating with volunteer work and having that perfect life appearance on the outside, to make up for the mess on the inside. I told her my "story", she told me hers, and even though there were lots of differences, we connected. I felt comfortable with her, and she seemed a bit nervous. It made me feel like she really cared. We're close to the same age, she's been sober 2 and a half years, and I'm her 3rd sponsee.
At some point I had this feeling like "I have arrived" and it kind of felt like I was somebody, for the first time in my life. There have been times in my life, where shame takes over my being so completely that I have not even felt human. Or not worthy of being one. But today I felt like somebody. Somebody worth talking to, and worth being listened to. Somebody that could giggle like a real girl should. I'm real... I'm really somebody.
If I wasn't somebody in AA - I'd be nobody again.
I think I'll stay somebody this 24 hrs : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
What a beautiful thought. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I think that under the influence of alcohol, we are not being true to ourselves. This is true in how we behave when we're drunk, and how we treat our bodies. It's why my signature says "treat yourself like you treat others". I was raised to always put others' needs first, that their thoughts and feelings held more value than my own. I made myself responsible for others' feelings, and this was exhausting to try and impossible to achieve. And I spent so much time trying to please others that I neglected figuring out who I am and what I"m about. I gave my needs such a low worth that I treated my thoughts, feelings and body like crap.
Going to AA means putting myself first, which means valuating myself as much as I value others. When I start treating myself well, I will get well, and be able to be the person that I and others deserve me to be.
THanks for helping me stay sober today, JaD.
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The Golden Rule: Treat yourself the way you treat others.
I spent my life putting on my '' Acting face '' each day. Determined to cope and when the good times came I was out the getting all the fun good times and laughter. But inside I spent my life hurt, a shy and lonely little child. And the more I drank the more i shut myself off from the world and society. Full of fear,self loathing and self pity. I began to hate myself and what I was doing by keep drinking but no one wanted to no me. I sure as hell looked a mess and If I ever did talk with anyone it was the poor me, this happened,that happened and if you had my life you would understand. I hated the God i know and loved as a child and all I had was '' Me and the bottle'' yep,so what, that was all there was !. And all along I knew I was a Alcoholic but I did not know how to stop. For my own safety the locked me up in the hospital under section.I had lost the willpower to live. I needed to heal, I needed rest. many leave and continue I knew what I needed was AA.
I received new found friends that gave me love and guidance. hope and laughter. peace and happiness. By working the steps and going through the Big Book with my sponsor I was able to let go of all the yesterdays hurts and the wrongs I had done/damage I had caused too. I just kept coming back and working hard at it, I wanted it all. And I received it all and started to believe and understand that it was my loving God that I had lost guided me all along and gave me all I need and required.The awakening came and I was no longer insane. My higher power had given me a purpose each day to live my life. I wasted to live again, I started to love and trust myself and others. But most of all I started to understand why.
I had found that I needed and wanted to pass it on. I had a heart full of love and gratitude.
Gratitude
"One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings and then for a right acceptance of the many gifts that are mine-- both temporal and spiritual. Here I try to achieve a state of joyful gratitude. When such a brand of gratitude is repeatedly affirmed and pondered, it can finally displace the natural tendency to congratulate myself on whatever progress I may have been enabled to make in certain areas of living. I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know." Bill W., Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, March 1962 As Bill Sees It, p. 37
I too will be somebody today I will be myself and I an always full to the brim beaming with gratitude. :}
Nice post everyone. Yes, I to put everyone else's wants, needs and desires ahead of my own. I was never happy and mentally exhausted. I never knew who I was because I put on so many different fronts. Always trying to jump through the moving hulla hoop. God and working The Program slowly is rebuilding the real ME. It's been a steady progression, but very rewarding.I'm grateful today.
pinkchip wrote:
Needing to belong is one of the most basic of human needs.
That's what makes AA such a wonderful place to be. We're all needed, wanted and loved. We share in a common problem with a common solution. People with varing backgrounds, but similiar thinking.
Like others, I agree about one of the things that really makes this Fellowship so powerful is the sense of belonging it conveys. When I came in and actually listened, instead of thinking "what a boring guy", or "just shut up" or "why are you talking about XXX", I knew that I belonged. Finally there was people like me! And...they were sober. Wow.
God and working The Program slowly is rebuilding the real ME. It's been a steady progression, but very rewarding. 
I'm grateful today.