Not seeing child for weeks to attend 24/7meetingsHeHellH

billyjack · Senior Member

Not seeing child for weeks to attend 24/7meetingsHeHellH

rrib · Senior Member

You did not cause his addiction.

You cannot control his addiction.

And you cannot cure his addiction.

What you can do is learn to take care of you. Al-Anon can help.

http://alanon.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 22nd of April 2012 12:53:31 PM

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha tydsu...click off this page and take your post to the Al-Anon Group page...http://alanon.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727 that is where the friends, family, spouses and associates of Alcoholic/Addicts go to find help. The suggestion to look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area is right on. Do it now!! Are you in danger? You're trying to live normally with a severely abnormal person addicted to multiple mind and mood and behavioral altering chemicals. What rrib posted, the 3cs of the Al-Anon Family Groups is power. That you have no control at all over this is the mindset...you have no control over what has happened, is happening and will happen in the future. This is his disease and it has got him and you by the neck...The disease is fatal in nature and that doesn't mean only him. The numbers of victims to alcoholism and drug addictions is as legendary as alcoholism is old...it is older than 3000 years before the life of Christ!! Just some of my own experience and education on my disease. I am a "double" a member of both AA and Al-Anon...born and raised, dyed in the wool participant in the disease of addiction. You don't have to do your life this way, there are alternatives and learning about those alternatives means hanging with and listening to and practicing what we practice. Keep coming back...MIP means miracles in progress. You're invited to be one. ((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 22nd of April 2012 12:54:04 PM

tydasu · Newbie

Hello, I have a few questions to ask (reaching out one final time) about my situation. Quick version of the story...Met my Guy 2years ago. Ended up pregnant very quickly 3 months into the relationship about 2months later i Found out oxy meth alcohol were his everyday staples. I helped clean him up last January but we fought and I ended up moving away. At 7 months pert I came back and found out it progressed to heroin meth alcohol. Detoxed several times several. This last month we had almost a month clean from drugs but was at a 5th of vodka sometimes more. He is 30a few days ago! Too much. So he decides last Sunday he will get sober. Spent Sunday with his sponsor came home Monday night after lying to everyone drunk as a skunk and loaded on meth. He has 5 days now and is on a high horse about the program now we tried so many times before. He hasn't seen his son since last Sunday comes here 2times after 10 pm and leaves at 6 to go to meetings all day. Not one minute of any day has been spent with him. Is that ok? He tells me the sponsor suggested he just focus on the program and nothing else. Nothing. His child is 7 months old. I think its in my son and I best interest to leave but I'm afraid of relapse due to it. I'm afraid if I stay relapse may be a factor I know I need to not worry about him and do what's best for the little guy but is it really the right thing to do. I feel so abandoned for my son and myself its a horrible feeling. I don't want to abandon him but he doesn't want my help. He says for me to stay whole he works on him. In time things will change. I say not if you are lying to your sponsor even to this day. Oh and now he wants to bring the baby to meetings with him because others have theirs there no way! ....HELP...

Polly · Senior Member

Yes I agree with all that has been said above. Go to the meetings they will help you. Look for this book and many others. Courage to Change a day at a time. We all need to change.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Courage-Change-One-Time-Al-Anon/dp/0910034796

http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/Podcasts/FirstSteps/tag/all-anon

You both need to get to meeting 7 days a week. Find new found friends that understand and can help you. And make it your number one priority every day.

Good Luck you will both be in my thoughts and prayers. You bot can work for a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Polly.X

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Best wishes to you...
It is true, he is going to have to focus on himself for a while, and if he gets and stays sober because of it, 5 days or even 90 will seem like a short time to get life/family/sanity back. I personally had to drop everything I was doing and work on me just like he is doing, and now, a month later, my life/family/sanity are already SO MUCH better! I am a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, ME! My husband and I are probably more in love, and in tune than we ever have been in 7 yrs. Not saying everything will change that fast for him and your family, but I believe if he stays sober you have a wonderful chance for happiness.

My kids are 5 & 3 - they are wonderful, but I have had to say no to them a bit to get myself better, I have had to pull away as they cry "mama don't go". That has been very very hard for me, but necessary. I tell them when I leave "I'm going to learn how to be a better Mama".

Take care,
Tasha

Polly · Senior Member

Whoop,Whoop Tasha ..

A Month very very well done :} xx

Now go and treat yourself to a nice fresh cream cake...I would just love one right now :} When you hit your year I will make you a cake and st here and eat it, well I will be thinking of you so I will eat your too . lol. :}

Its just another 24hrs and the weeks turn into months.

Love. Polly. X

tydasu · Newbie

II have sought help from every outlet possible. I have attended AA meetings as well as alanon meetings. I do understand sobriety come first and foremost yet I didn't understand the time away from us for today being the 9th day. I asked him last night some questions as to our role in his sobriety he stated his own home is hard to be at whether we are there or not he also stated he is unsure now of us being a couple. He doesn't know now what he wants. He must focus kn him. That leaves me to stay in his home with our son, in a total mess to wait and see where this leads. I can't do that you guys. I know this takes a toll on the addict as well as the family. With what he stated I can't help but think we should let him have some space to handle this and seek us when he is ready. I talked to his old sponsor last night before he came home and filled him in on the situation as he is a alanon leader as well. He advised me no way is right but the way that works yet there is no excuse for not taking responsibility for what u have created yes in time but time enough not to continue the hurt that the addiction caused. His new sponsor is a 20 year old with about 10 months sober and I have been told this could be a receipe for disaster. He can't communicate with anyone because right now he is too fragile he says. I believe as I stated I have no choice but to distance myself so he can better himself...I feel this would be best for all. I thank you all for your imput and will still seek help from the references given.