Dear Gonee! that was the topic of our sunday night meeting, the ways we deal with resentments... our secretary had a terrible day before our meeting and he was still very shook up when he chaired. so this prayer was brought up by 2 of our members. one of them was advised by her sponsor to pray for the person they had deep resentments for 30 days. i know the book says 2 weeks, but the sponsor advised more time. at the end of the 30 days she felt the resentments had noticeably lifted and was able to continue her step work in good conscience. Another woman said this prayer took 8 years, that the resentment was so deeply seated for so long. The whole group agreed that this prayer was the only thing that worked to break down the bondage of hatred that stopped us in our tracks. being released from the bondage of hatred is completely dependant on my willingness to pray for that person. to stop giving that person free rent in my head for the "deep seated violation" of my character or person, and then not be surprised when the compassionate understanding and love that only our Higher Power can give me (towards the ones who have hurt me) actually happens. Thank you, Gonee for asking! i am looking forward to others answers, too. jj/sheila
p.s. sometimes acceptance or tolerance have to do when we are not quite up to compassionate love. improvement, not perfection, is my ruler to measure personal growth
-- Edited by jj on Tuesday 17th of April 2012 03:02:02 PM
I once found myself with just such an intractable resentment. I prayed as suggested but prayer alone wouldn't shift it. It became clear that this resentment could get between me and AA which was life threatening. I continued to pray and the message came that I had to take some action. While it seemed to me that the other person was clearly wrong, I began to realize that I was at fault also. The more I looked the more I realised that my instincts for sex and security had been my primary motivators, that all along I had been incredibly selfish. So I went to this person to ask forgiveness for my part in it, to sweep my side of the street. I confessed my faults and where I had been wrong. I did not discuss her wrongs at all. I asked forgiveness, and the resentment left me, I was set free, the potential barrier to AA had been removed. This happened when I was about 3 or 4 months sober and was one of the most valuable experiences in my sobriety. It taught me that prayer is not always a passive thing, that sometimes God wants me to take some action. Hope it helps,
God bless, MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 17th of April 2012 03:02:36 PM
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 17th of April 2012 03:04:09 PM
If I remember right, she ran into the artical about resentments and praying for some one long after she had done the steps, and the resentment with her mother was very deep. It was never meant as a replacement for a good 4th and 5th steps. I my self have tried to do the praying for some one without doinh the steps and I never was able to stick it out. But when i have done a good 4th with " this was our course " there is a prayer in the book to do " sometimes called the 4th step prayer " that has never failed to evaporate the resentment on the spot.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Personally pages 65-67 dealing with resentment always seemed to work for me. Might try doing a mini 4th step regarding the resentment and look at why it exsists and what if affects.
I never found myself having to pray for someone more that a day or so, more than that might be giving the person too much power and risk dwelling on the situation. I think for me I would be better off focusing on 65-67, get out of self, help a drunk or maybe go chop some wood if all else fails.
One thing for sure, if they get through and don't drink growth will occur and usefull coping skills will be learned for the future.
Hope this helps,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
