I heard that an expectation is a premeditated resentment. I am human so it doesn't matter how many books I read or how much advice I get, sometimes I still place expectations on the people in my life to do certain things, to act in certain ways, and to treat me in certain ways. And I don't tell these people to do these things. After all, shouldn't they already know how to act, how to talk, and how to behave when they are in my presence. of course they should.
Unfortunately, these people are also human and they can't read my mind, so sometimes they disappoint me. Then I get a resentment about it. But, I don't tell them they disappointed me because they should be able to tell that they have. And because they are human they can't see that thery have disappointed me so they don't apologize to me for treating me so unfairly, and my resentment toward them gets deeper or I might even develop a separate one. One for disappointing me and one for not apologizing to me for disappointing me. And so it goes.
Wouldn't it be easier if I just didn't place expectations on people? I suppose. But Life is seldom so uncomplicated.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
This is one that's easy to say and difficult to practice sometimes. Especially, with those close to me. Clear communication was not a strength I possessed when I landing in AA. By practicing The Program it has improved. I also read and try to incorporate the spiritual principles from the book below. They parrellel AA's principles in a lot of ways.
The Four Agreements don Miguel Ruiz- Be Impeccable with your Word, Dont Take Anything Personally, Dont Make Assumptions, and Always Do Your Best
What's helped me with this is to remind myself that other folks are real busy thinking about themselves (just like me ) and subsequently they omit/overlook my needs/requirements lol. Add to that other folks are trying to get their needs meet and may step in front of me, take MY parking space etc... I chalk it to "Human nature". I tell myself it's Human nature to act as they do (I do). They're not defective, maybe just a little less effective as I would like them to be Another saying that gives me relief from my expectations about others is "eventually any human will fail you". When I place reliance on another human, eventually (sooner than later) they are going to disappoint me.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 14th of April 2012 02:30:33 PM
Yep - That is pretty typical of the way I experience resentments as well. My frequent issue has been one of setting boundaries and not expecting everyone to like me or having to have them like me. Those ideals lead me to forming unnecessary resentments when people do not like me or are unhappy with me cuz of their own garbage. I can only be me and not everyone has to like it - That's a tough one for a person that somehow innately thinks they should please others and get along with everyone.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I have a little add-on when I share in face to face meetings, that I'm well-known but not necessarily well-liked and its probably only true in my own mind but even if its true in other people's minds, its ok. I came here to gain some victory over alcohol not to win a popularity contest.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
) and subsequently they omit/overlook my needs/requirements lol. Add to that other folks are trying to get their needs meet and may step in front of me, take MY parking space etc... I chalk it to "Human nature". I tell myself it's Human nature to act as they do (I do). They're not defective, maybe just a little less effective as I would like them to be 
Another saying that gives me relief from my expectations about others is "eventually any human will fail you". When I place reliance on another human, eventually (sooner than later) they are going to disappoint me.