One of the things that we do in our use is lie. And I was thinking that one of the reasons we use is to hide our true feelings. And in the process I became an alcoholic.
In the irony of this disease the drinking took my truth away. So in trying to run from my truth all drinking did was add more deception.
This is my 3d week of sobriety. It is my second time in trying to get sober since 2010. This time is different. My disease progress and I truly know that it will kill me, if I don't do the next right thing.
Thanks for this message board it is a good thing to wake up to.
During some self analysis I worked out that lying was the great enabler. Lying provided a false sense of security from consequences, as I figured that I could lie my way out of whatever. This left the door wide open for me to do all kinds of things that wound up on my 4th step.
In early sobriety I vowed to myself "No mater what, I'm going to tell the truth". And that meant that there were a lot of things that I could no longer do. The longer we are sober, the more expansive our own definition of sobriety becomes. Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean I can't have a relapse.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 2nd of March 2012 10:29:12 PM
Nice post Stnatina. I guess the words "to thy own self be true" takes on new meaning when it comes to sobriety, and rightfully so. It describes who we are today -hopefully, not who we once were. Thanks, for reminding me of that.
I undertsand what your saying...Alcohol is cunning baffling, and powerful...one of the best things you can do is remain clean for a while and figure out the reality of things...Dying isnt fun either....
