As I examine my thoughts, they are often quite laughable in regards to quitting drinking. The illusion that somehow someday I will be able to control and enjoy my drinking is indeed astonishing! So I was thinking about that passage that talks about all the ways we tried to stop or moderate, at the end it says we could increase the list ad infinitum. I say let's do it!
Yoga- it is a great tool but it doesn't keep me sober.
The list- If I can check so many things off my list I can drink that night- but inevitably that leads to a drunk weekend, and a horrendous Monday filled with anxiety, shame and the feeling of having wasted another weekend.
Only buying 1/2 pints, so I can't drink too much- the liter was a mistake for sure on Saturday! However, the bottle size isn't the real problem- I just can't drink period.
I considered at one point a tat with my sobriety date- Thank goodness I recogonized that would probably not keep me sober!
Getting involved in a relationship with someone who has a lot of sobriety! He had only been married 7 times- and I was looking for some stability. Looking back at him cleaning his guns, do to the threats of my X-boyfriend~ I may have claimed to want stability, but I was chasing after chaos.
Go ahead add your own! Looking forward to hearing yours!
I never really tried to quit drinking, perhaps because I didn't want to find out that I couldn't. I did try various ways to cut back, drink on weekends only, etc.
One catalyst to my sobriety was in my final year of drinking I tried more "control" than normal. Rather than drinking every night, and drinking a lot on weekends, I tried to drink only on weekends and stick to a diet the rest of the week. I did manage to lose some weight the first 6 months this way, but my drinking didn't care for being pushed into a 2-day bracket. My Saturday drinking became Friday, Saturday, then Friday Saturday Sunday, then Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday, and I found eventually I had to drink every day. I was starving myself to stay on my diet too....
A few things I did try earlier to cut back was to drink near beer, but I found that to be a waste of time. I would try alternating real beer and near beer to get "less drunk", but the near beer was so bad, I found it easier to just skip right over it..... that's one reason I have never considered touching the stuff in sobriety. It would only make me want the real thing.
I was once served some "non-alcoholic wine" with dinner by a well-meaning friend and his wife. I thought it tasted all too much like the real thing and only took a few sips. I would have been just fine with diet Pepsi even if they were drinking Dom Perignon... LOL.
Re. yoga and meditation: I found I was completely incapable of doing anything meditative while I was drinking. The 12 steps never specifically say when to quit drinking, but it seems to work a lot better if you do that first before attempting the spiritual program
My plan for sobriety:
1. Learn all about myself
2. Learn to meditate
3. Become a peaceful, serene person
4. Get my life straightened out
5. Stop drinking.
All good, but I had everything backwards!! Nothing happens while continuing to drink!
I'm still working on 4, 3, 2, 1 and 1 probably will come last and it's actually the least important I've found.
Wow Mr. David, I wish I found it so simple! I'm finding that as things get better in my life, I still have the tendency to sit back and rest on my laurels - sabotage, test how far I can push etc.
I did try and quit many times over about a 10 year period to quit, but deep down I don't think that I ever thought it would be for good. I was never able to stop for more than 2 months till I got serious about working a program with a sponsor. The turning point was completing my 4th and 5th steps. I somehow knew that I belonged and was going to "make it" to long term sobriety, at the point. The promises were appearing and it felt good and authentic.
Well 2 more hours and I will have stopped since sunday at 10 pm! Now for some that isn't huge but for me it is!! I am just amazed at how good I feel in the morning, even though the nights are very restless, I am starting to feel like myself. I know I can run to the gas station without feeling like I am on a rollercoaster and am just feeling really good! Then somewhere around noon the debate starts. I think well, maybe... By the time I get off work until 8 is really hard. Tomorrow I work until 7 and if I make it to yoga, then I will be good. Friday I am scared I will be able to talk myself into it again. I can't tell you how long it has been since I had a sober weekend. Every weekend I start off thinking how much I have to do but will just drink after such a long week of working hungover everyday. Of course the whole weekend is shot and Sunday I try to sober up but am so shaky I drink a 6 pack or so, just in hopes of a little sleep. As I write this and think of the mental and physical torture- I get all swollen, sweat like you wouldn't think a person could and my heart feels like a jackhammer, plus I am terrified someone in my family will find out, filled with shame and the horrible anxiety that the shoe is going to drop, I can't imagine thinking of drinking. Yet an hour ago, I was soaking wet- just out of the shower threw on some sweats and was headed out the door- wet head (put on a hat- oh yeah I live in Minnesota) ready to brave icy roads in hopes of making the liqour store by 8. I stopped because I really don't want to continue the ride. However it would be nice if the great debate would also stop! Glad I didn't drink.
Stopping the trip to the liquor store was a huge move littlebit, Congrats! Keep doing it til you break the cycle. We've been where you are, and I can say from my own experience that when I had a few days it was huge for me too, it's still huge for me when newcomers come in and don't drink for a day.
Stay strong, you can do this one day at a time. If you can get to meetings and be around sober people, do it! If not, come here and read the forums, search topics, read stories, PM people. Do something, just don't drink.
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Good morning little bit! hope your doing well. I remember initially wondering what the heck to do with myself; so many years my life between 5 pm and passing out was about drinking; the following day about surviving the hangover! Half the day (at least) obsessing about booze! I did 90 in 90; my meetings were all at 7 pm so I got off work at 5, needed to eat before the meeting (also woudn't be good to drink before a meeting!), went to said meeting, felt awesome and inspired, by the time I got home it was sleep time after a bit of reading. I did have a relapse, but thankfully never got back into that day to day drinking rut. Eventually, you do find a new routine; one that leaves you feeling healthier and happier!! On the weekends, I sometimes went to more than one meeting; whatever it takes! Like THC said, eventually you will have sober friends at the meetings and that will help with that initial lost feeling. Feel free to email me if you ever need to talk-my email is on my profile. I sure hope your doing well, keep it up!! Big hugs, Dolly
Thanks so much everyone! Woo-hoo made it another night without stopping by the liqour store!! Being able to communicate like this has made a big difference thus far. I appreciate it.
