Many blessings on your anniversary! You are a "Fyne Spirit" indeed! Thank you for sharing this gift of fellowship with me. The wisdom, understanding, and experiences you share are of great service to all. You are truly an inspiration :)
Hugs!!!
Nic
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There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
Beautiful Mike, WE do become visions of hope ,examples that the program works. Congratulations on 32 years and also for the humility and willingness to give back what was so freely given to you....God bless your continued journey,thanks for your help!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thank you so much for your kind words everyone, it's much appreciated and I really enjoy sharing on this site. 32 is a lotta of years especially when I think back to a time where I could not conceive of even 32 days without a drink - such and incredibly long time to a newly sober alcoholic. In fact I had just come off my last bender, an experiment in controlled drinking that failed like all the others, after a short spell dry, 21 days I think. I said to an AA member that I couldn't see how I would ever be able to get 21 days sobriety again, it seemed so impossible. He gave me some great advice - one day at time. And I took it along with many other suggestions that came my way. It gets said over and over that stopping drinking is just the beginning. That the drinking is just a symptom of a deeper disorder, and for alcoholics of my type to make a permanent recovery, a change of personality beyond that which I could manage on my own resources, was required. As one of our medical experts once said (paraphrasing) "I had to change from a greedy self lover to a generous lover of others" In AA we refer to this as a spiritual awakening and the function of the 12 steps is to bring about such a psychic change, and put us in contact with a higher power who will solve our problem. As a newcomer with an IQ roughly equivalent to my shoe size, all this was of course quite beyond me. So what did I do? I began with some willingness, honesty, and openmindedness, to work on the steps, not understanding any of it, except maybe that alcohol had me beat. Steps one and two I had some kind of intelectual awareness or understanding of, step three was taken without realising it, and that lead to other steps. While I was bumbling and stumbling around with the steps (doing my honest best at the time) changes began to happen. I began to react/behave differently in various situations, and I would only notice this in hindsight. This new behaviour was not contrived by me, I did not plan nor was I striving to be anything different, I was not trying to adopt any particular positive character trait, or get rid of any negative one. I wasn't trying to develop appropriate emotions because my mental and emotional development was so stunted I wouldn't have known a genuine emotion if I fell over it.
None of this was my work. The changes just happened. Without any apparent effort on my part God began to do for me that which I had absolutely no hope of doing for myself. I have read that phrase in the Big Book of AA and, and like so much in that book it has proven to be true. The desire to drink was removed, my life changed completely and I stayed happily sober.
In short, I came to AA emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, with a large quotient of stupidity. I developed and followed this blind faith that I should try to take the steps, without reservations or conditions, never understanding why or how, and God fixed everything for me. Could it be any simpler?
