I love my "home group" of women. Yes, we tend to talk perhaps more than guys, but it is always mentioned (by the leader) that we are to limit our sharing to 2-3 min. Our group has grown but we don't break off into groups.
There is one woman in there who is (sort of) a local stand-up comedian. She's funny (somewhat) and oftentimes gives us a chuckle, but she ALWAYS has to say something - and a length - at every meeting. Some of us can't get a word in. The moderators do nothing.
Is there a way to say something w.out hurting feelings about this? I'd imagine if I said anything to a leader it wouldn't go over too well as she's been there for so long and has been an inspiration to us. But man...I get so aggrevated with her dominating a meeting and using the funny-girl stance when sharing.
Maybe you could suggest having a "timekeeper" at each meeting who lets people know when 3 minutes are up (one meeting I go to does this)? Make it about enforcing the rule for everyone, not just about her.
I love my "home group" of women. Yes, we tend to talk perhaps more than guys, but it is always mentioned (by the leader) that we are to limit our sharing to 2-3 min. Our group has grown but we don't break off into groups.
There is one woman in there who is (sort of) a local stand-up comedian. She's funny (somewhat) and oftentimes gives us a chuckle, but she ALWAYS has to say something - and a length - at every meeting. Some of us can't get a word in. The moderators do nothing.
Is there a way to say something w.out hurting feelings about this? I'd imagine if I said anything to a leader it wouldn't go over too well as she's been there for so long and has been an inspiration to us. But man...I get so aggrevated with her dominating a meeting and using the funny-girl stance when sharing.
Where I live now many meetings employ an egg timer and have someone volunteer to be the time keeper, I had never seen this before and frankly I found it offensive and.... childish I guess
I have grown to love the egg timer and miss it when I travel and go to meetings elsewhere
Group conscience at a business meeting is where to bring this up, many times you will find many others share the same feelings you do.
at 3 minutes a share that means 10 people can share in a half hour, one of those shares might be a newcomer having a hard time, it may save someone's life frankly
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Lin Baba sez "Group conscience at a business meeting is where to bring this up, many times you will find many others share the same feelings you do." That is how my home group handles things. The business meeting is a "safe" place to bring such issues without having to worry too much about overtly stepping on toes or singling anyone out, yet standing up for the integrity of the meeting. We have a BB study where we each (if we choose to) read a few paragraphs and pass--but there is one fellow who always reads a page or so, even when there are people left who did not have a chance to read at all. Arrggghh! Business meeting solved the problem, just by changing the wording in the introduction the chair read. Same thing with double-dipping before others have a chance to share once. A business meeting/group conscious (by consensus or vote by home group members) often solves the problem.
When someone talks too long in a meeting and I feel disturbed, that is an excellent opportunity for me to say to myself, "Ok, you're being intolerant here." I know that intolerance comes from pride, and one of the main goals of recovery is to level pride. The Big Book says it is REQUIRED for the successful consummation of the process!
I try to have some pity patience and tolerance for the other person. After all, it's not like she's trying to tear down anyone. I try to envision a common struggle she and I might share. For instance, we have all had our hearts broken. We have all suffered alcoholic torture emotionally and otherwise.
I also know that many of us were not heard in childhood (and still not heard or validated by our families) and we really just wanted to be heard all of our lives.
If it really harms the group - like REALLY harms the group, then I would take it to the business meeting. I would not gossip about her in any way though, or feed into gossip - that's not part of the solution to it. I'd deal with it being careful not to be hurtful to her.
