i'm happy to share this day with my community - you. thanks all. no caps, sick baby on other arm.
this practice of rigorous honesty has a price. my wife has now been told of my hidden relapses and isn't taking it very well. won't seek help for herself and is resentful of my serenity.
time takes time, i guess. i will live my program tomorrow and pray that god's will is made clear to me, along with the power to carry it out. that's all i can do. and stay away from that first drink at all costs.
this practice of rigorous honesty has a price. my wife has now been told of my hidden relapses and isn't taking it very well. won't seek help for herself and is resentful of my serenity.
Congratulations on 90 days Rob. So who told your wife about your secret relapses? You? as a step 9? read step 9 again 'made direct amends except when to do so would harm them or others'.
Now ask yourself this - why disclose something to your wife that she had no knowledge of right now? Why not wait until you had more time in? Did you discuss this with your sponsor? Did you examine your motives? For who's benefit did you do this and what reward did you want?
I'm not saying you were wrong, but I read clues in there as to some possible motives - she hasn't taken it well, she won't seek help for herself, she is resentful of my serenity - sounds like approval and reward seeking.
There are other ways of making amends, indirect amends, like what you are currently doing, being a great husband and father, looking after your family and most important staying away from a drink one day at a time - forever!
But all the above does not detract nor should it detract from 90 days - well done my brother.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Really great Rob. This is the program I love. When people check in with milestones, it makes me think of my" today" that I will work with my HP to remain sober. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I love your saying "I alone can do it, but I can't do it alone". As a music student, I heard this all the time "practice makes perfect". And as a daughter I heard all the time "nobody's perfect". So now as a music teacher, I have posted above my piano "practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect".
Thanks for sharing, her behavior reminds me that what I focus on gets bigger, I always need that reminder.
I'm also thinking of my morning meditation: "Abide in Higher power's love, an atmosphere of loving understanding to all.... Persevere, persevere. Never lose heart. All is well."
Stay true to your primary purpose ((my friend)) Congratulations!
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Well thanks, everyone! And Bill it umm....kinda slipped out. We were having a conversation with a counselor together and the counselor asked me to describe my relapse cycle and without thought of lie or deception I answered honestly. Approximately .75 seconds later I realized that this was the first time my wife had heard of all my secret binges. Weren't no amends attempt, just a by-product of disengaging my deceipt-o-mator.
Anyway, day 91 is shaping up to be a winner. Made yogurt cream-cheese. Took 22 hours or so. Never realized how much whey was in yogurt. Now it's time for some food, a prayer, a nap and a meeting with my sponsor. Then theatre rehearsal. I is The Big Friendly Giant and we open in two days. Needs be I must be taking care of myself. L8R all....
91 days sober.....great work!! Keep on being the Miracle In Progress that we all are!! Thanks for sharing.....my wife got over the resentment after a couple years!! The resentment that I had embraced my sobriety above all else....including some of our differences. And remained serene instead of going through the angry dance we used to do!! I think a secret binge for me could have turned into a couple years out there....amazing you came back so quickly and were able to continue onto 91 days---!!
I like your attitude and focus on Rob. When I focus on me and The Program, everyone around me benefits. God loves the truth and will reveal more of your journey in his time.
Alcoholism is a family diesase and others need to find their own path once the focus is off the practicing alcoholic.
Hey congratulations man. That's an awesome accomplishment, and I wouldnt sweat what happened concerning your wife finding out about the relapses. Especially in the way she found out about them. Perhaps one day in retrospect you'll realize and see that it happened exactly how it was supposed to. Coulda been the best thing to happen. Congrats on your time again!
It is so hard on family members who have been shoring up the rafters for so long and then sometimes get left in the dust as we recover, and they never know when the other shoe is gonna drop again (or they find out it already did and feel betrayed-again--just when maybe they were building some trust--again). And let's face it-saying I love you and I'm sorry for the 1000th time just doesn't cut it, even when we mean it with all our heart.
One of the hardest things for me was to deal with my own growing and changing in my sobriety, while facing the damage to those around me, who did not have (rejected) a program of recovery to help them through. And to accept that even if I lost them, it was no reason to take a drink. So sad-but surviving must come before thriving. Sometimes we get well and they don't...but there is help and hope for the family, if willing. It is hard to "not regret the past" when it comes so much into the present. It seems like family healing takes forever, but a day at a time (yeah, same deal!) it can happen.
-- Edited by leeu on Saturday 21st of January 2012 09:16:37 PM
-- Edited by leeu on Saturday 21st of January 2012 09:17:51 PM
