One year ago, I became very ill. I had a wonderful career in social work. Because of my illness, I have had to step away from my job till who knows when. I have always been very active in recovery and maintained a balance in family, career, and recovery. I will have 10 years coming up in a wonderful new life of recovery. I find myself slipping into self-centeredness and anger over my illness. I do have some fabulous Drs. and much support. This illness has effected every area of my life.
How can you maintain emotional and spiritual sobriety while your head is spinning and you are vomiting daily? I would really like some feedback from other people. Life is ever changing, but this is an area that I am not familiar with. Has anyone had experience with an illness that is daily and very frustrating?
I have learned from recovery. If you don't know, ask. I am asking for any solutions or guidance on how to make my journey a little more graceful.
Welcome to the board Ticia, I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry you have an illness that is causing havoc in your life, you are not alone. I have had to deal with the problem myself. I had medical problems before sobriety, and was diagnosed with more after I got sober. I didn't find AA until I'd been sober 6 years, came in through Al-anon.
I will tell you how AA has helped me with my medical conditions. Steps 1,2, and 3, were a must.The 3 A's "Awareness, Acceptance, and Action."Okay, what is it , I've got it , now what, and what can be done about it, I'll do it ( education, Dr., meds, theraphy, do I need to apply for disability?).
Self-centerness is not how I describe taking care of me, common sense, if I don't do it, no one else is going to do it for me.It's just like my sobriety comes first, so does my health. I have not been able to work what the world or what my husband considered a real job for years, but I do the best I can, with what I'm able to do.
One of the important things was to grieve the loss of many of the things I felt I'd lost because of my health, feel the feelings , share about them with those who care,don't always try to put on that brave front,the "I'm fine" face, it's all program.
I have shared a little on this board about my diseases, but I have a board I post on that's about the ones I have, they know exactly how I feel, just like those here understand the alcoholic side of me.There is experience, stength and hope out there and here.
I do give AA credit for the acceptance of the diseases, now they just don't seem so big, and you know on the bad days I don't feel guilty , I use to beat myself up, I thought the world would fall apart without me. Now I just hand it to God, and say "OK God you will have to handle it ,I'm just going to sit in your lap for awhile." If others don't understand , so be it. It seems like I have less bad days since learning to let go and let God.
You are in the right place this is a great bunch of people.Keep posting and I pray you have a well and sober evening.
Welcome to the board...I have enjoyed reading your posts and am so glad you are here. I can't say I know how you feel in the illness, but my sympathies are with you. You describe yourself as angry and self-centered about your illness. I know when I'm angry about something it's a feeling of powerlessness that I'm really feeling and my sponsor has me work the steps on it. Educating yourself about the illness may take away some of those feelings.
Part of the lessons I had to learn about gratitude was being able to ask others for help. I was always the one who would take care of everyone else, but my needs were always put on the back burner. Being able to look at someone in the fellowship and tell them what was going on, and then accepting thier help, has been one of the hardest, but one of the most rewarding, lessons. You have given of yourself the past 10 years, now let others give to you.
Being chronically in pain or ill is always a test, I know. I went through chronic back pain for 6 years and it was always a struggle to maintain my mood. I think you have some good ideas above and would add just a couple of things.
First, it is natural to be self-centred when we are ill or in pain. It's a common sense survival mechanism we've been given to help us get the support and attention we need, so don't feel guilty about it! Second, I can't recommend attending support groups specific to your condition highly enough, in addition to the program. Sharing with others who truly understand and learning from them how to cope is invaluable. Too you may get information regarding other professional help you can get besides medical.
Depression too, is a common side effect of long term illness or pain and may be treatable. The brain just plain runs out of the neurotransmitters necessary to keep us functioning normally from the stress produced by the illness. Replacements in the form of anti-depressants may be effective.
In the meantime my prayers are with you. Hope this has been helpful
