Why am I so attracted to alcoholics? I dwelled on that question for more than five years. Then while listening to an adult child speaker at Al-Anon's First International Convention, I had an unexpected spiritual awakening. It occurred to me that my maternal grandfather had a problem with alcohol. He was a loner filled with anger and resentment. He made nasty home-made wines and drank too much. I realized that my mother learned many behaviors characteristic of living with an alcoholic and that I learned them from her.
######ROSIE.....me 2, i married two, had long term relationship with one, i mean WHAT was the attraction???? familiarity????? *comfort zone???*.....what WAS it?????? ONE thing was , i was abusing alcohol, so i felt comfry being with other problem drinkers, cause we shared the same mentality....partying....copping a buz......being irresponsible......and for me???? the BIG thing??? being with other A's, didn't impede me from my needing to *self medicate* my pain....for me?? alcohol was a way to numb my pain......AND it enabled me to be something i was not......i could put my phony mask on better when i was drinking.......oh yeah, i remember clearly the masks i was able to wear under the power of beer and wine..........also i think it is because it was the only thing i knew!!!! i don't remember my grand parents abusing alcohol, but both my parents did!!!!! i know i absorbed my mother's karma/ her pain/ her *experience* if you will......i was the sensitive child, so i know i bore most of the family pain, and when the incest started, i was so *trashed* mentally / emotionally, it was almost like i thought it was *part of the plan*........so where did my mom get her *isms* from??????
We both acquired the unhealthy aspects of martyrdom, managing, manipulating, and mothering -- four qualities that go so well with alcoholism. The four Ms now made total sense and so did my attraction to alcoholics. With the help of program literature, the Steps, a sponsor, and time, I began to learn the healthy aspects of the four Ms. Today I manage my own life, not the lives of others. I avoid martyrdom because it holds few assets for me. I have learned to manipulate a crochet hook rather than my husband. Most important, I nurture others but leave the mothering to their mothers. Thought for the Day What qualities of mine might cause me to be attracted to alcoholics? "Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement, our own lives." *Alcoholism, the Family Disease*, p. 20 ----------
#######ROSIE..... oh i was the martyr...(i solicited pity/ sympathy) from folks...i was the one put here to suffer, and die!!! managing, or manipulating, trying to manipulate God/ Life for me to have better circumstances.....i even did white witch craft rituals to *change my karma*......talk about manipulating........and mothering???? i would with my 3 EX's......i was gonna *fix them* take care of them..........yep, i had the four M's too......with the help of this program...journalling the literature, working the hell out of the steps.....sponser work, sharing on the boards, meetings....i began to learn to *keep the focus on me* setting boundaries, and that i am POWERLESS over others, and ANYthing outside of my own skin!!!!!!!! it was freeing for, me that with affirmations and subliminal messages that are healthy, i COULD learn to live a better/ HEALTHY life......now???? i am attracted more and more to HEALTHY folks.....ideally i would find an *alanon'er* or a *codie* or *acoa'er* who has been working the program for a long time and has the healthy tools for living too....i am comfortable with recovery folks...i find them to be the most REAL....most honest, etc.....oh yeah, there are the *players* but i can spot them quickly...my A brother is a *player*....he *plays* the program rather than work it, and he is not recovering as a result........TODAY i manage ME!! MY life!!!!! keep the focus on ME!!!!! *live and let live* as to others.....rather than be martyr, i address my issues, and focus on the SOLUTION!!!! what steps do i need???? getting into meets.....yes, i bitch and vent my anger/hurt/ THEN it is thinking in terms of solution to it.......the only manipulation i do now is my tennis strokes.......AND, i know the diference between nurturing and mothering....i will offer loving support/ comfort to others, but i am not their mother........i focus TOTALLY on me, i work my program, mind my own business.....keep it simple......*walk in dry places*....thank you DONE
It's kind of tough sometimes at meetings. I know this girl there whom I am very attracted to and vice versa. We have much in common and have been friends for many years. We were drinking buddies years ago - we are now recovering drunks. The intimacy of our conversations has increased- her and I have become very close.
I am married and would never entertain the idea of leaving my wife and kids. If I wasn't married though - well, who knows?
I don't know if what I said made any sense- just feelings I guess
