Actually, I felt that way yesterday and the day before too. Came very close but circumstances kept me from it. I don't want to drink, playing the movie over in my mind and visualizing the outcome depresses me, but I feel the pull.
Whenever I've failed before and drank I knew the minute I woke up in the morning that I was going to do it. For me it isn't like in the big book where I find myself drunk pounding on the bar asking "How did this happen?". I know exactly how I got there because it was completely intentional.
I'm not sure what to do.
I'm not really involved with fellowship right now. I don't have any sober friends. Oh well, I guess I'll just white knuckle through it.
get something to eat and go to a meeting. praying for the obsession/compulsion to be removed works well too.
Quoted for truth
eat, -walk- to a meeting a few miles away
raise your hand and ask for help
walk home
look up another meeting
walk to it
raise your hand and ask for help
walk home
repeat as often as necessary
eating is important in my experience, I'd find myself "craving" a beer and when I ate the craving would go away, it's like my alcoholism would dress all kinds of shite up to get me to cave, drama, hunger, boredom, it's like my mind was out to get me
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
You can feel the pull, acknowledge it, and not give in. Play the drink the whole way through, all the way to the guilt, sickness and despair. LinBaba has some great ideas. Eating, especially sweets helps many. Booze just doesn't sound as great after a slice of chocolate cake and a glass of milk. :)
Hang in there and get to a meeting, or two, or ten if you can.
All the best.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
these are all great suggestions. it is up to each of us to follow the suggestions of other recovering alcoholics. this is a program of action. eat something and if you are between meetings, ask yourself "what can i do to help someone else?" as an alcoholic i have to get "out of" myself and do something for someone else. and that does not mean buy someone else a beer at the bar. stay away from places that sell alcohol. walking to a meeting is a great idea. carry a bottle of water or juice with you so you don't have to follow the urge to get a drink. let your mind focus on the kind of Dad you want to be for your baby. keep coming back and please pick a sponsor. we all need someone to call when the urge comes to pick up. big hugs, jj/sheila
-- Edited by jj on Sunday 11th of December 2011 11:45:07 AM
Tipsy, I haven't had a drink for 33 days. It can be hard and for me one of the reasons why is because I drank so much and ruined so much that I had no deep value in much of anything. But for the last month I have been following the Program from the heart down, following all the suggestions that previously I thought to be beneath an intellectual like me. I go to a meeting with my sponsor everyday. This morning I didn't have to fight off the urge and pull of the drink. I hope you'll quit fighting the battle and surrender!
I'm sitting outside of St. Marks Church in my car waiting for a meeting. I'm an hour and 15 minutes early. I might kill some time by going to eat something bad for me, maybe something from the Mcmuffin food group.
"Booze just doesn't sound as great after a slice of chocolate cake and a glass of milk." -Vixen
That^ just might be my all-time favorite forum quote. I think I'll make it my mantra for a while :)
Thanks all.
ask yourself "what can i do to help someone else?" as an alcoholic i have to get "out of" myself and do something for someone else. and that does not mean buy someone else a beer at the bar.
-- Edited by jj on Sunday 11th of December 2011 11:45:07 AM
Hm well, apparently it's Sunday and not Saturday...and apparently the folks at St. Marks church don't care much for having their service interrupted by a confused drunk who's 24 hours late for an AA meeting.
Sometimes I feel that, if there is a god, he's testing the f*** out of me :/
TM, I had that problem a lot (not knowing exactly what day it was or dyslexia when reading the where and when). I found that AA clubs, with meetings all day every day neutralized both of those issues. My car knew how to get there even when I didn't.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 11th of December 2011 04:25:11 PM
Is there any way you can lock yourself in your house? Does distraction help at all with white knuckling like sleeping, watching movies from the library or reading? I get the same "pull" you do and that's what scares me!
Hi, Tips, long time no see! I was just checking in and saw your name. Y'know, even after nearly thirty years clean and sober, I went through the year from hell this year. I hit a level of emotional pain that was so great, I actually thought, "the only thing that is going to make this better is a few drinks". And just as quick the angel on the other shoulder said " yknow, the only thing that could make this any more horrible is a drink". So I grabbed a friend in the program and made sure we stayed close while I worked through it. Got a sponsor yet? There are times when all I can do is "turn it over, turn it over" like a mantra. And eventually, I let go and actually do turn it over. Time has taught me that all things pass away, including the desire for alcohol. It's just a case of time. There were a few days where I cranked up my favorite music and danced into exhaustion. I do that to this day when I feel stress building. And I'm OLD, so it doesn't take long. Keep up with the mantra, keep coming here, and listen to the great advise these folks give. ((hug)). So glad to see you here.
Hi You! I pop in and read quite often. Sometimes I even sign in and post! But it has to be a day I'm feeling eloquent, right? Sent you an email with a question. Hope I had the right email addy. But yes, I'm still here. Older yet none the wiser, but still sober! Chris
Hey TM! Nice to meet ya! :) I can totally relate to the feeling of being tested, wondering when that break will come and being frustrated shuffling along through the minutes of each day at times. It will get better. It will get easier. And you will have peace. Remember to breathe... By the way, do you like Star Wars? Anyway, I was so glad to hear you are trying to get to meetings. And I think that maybe you werent 24 hours late, maybe you were uber early for the next one??? Least you got there ;) I'm sure you needed to talk or listen or just the comfort, but you got there and that counts because you stood by your decision. And even though I don't know you, I'm very proud of you. Keep up the good work! And if you need someone to vent to when you're super early to a meeting or just in need, I'm here.
*hugs*
~Nicole
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There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
TM white knuckling is a tuff way to stay sober but if it keeps us sober until we can learn something it is sure easier than the hell that goes with giving in.
Wren I loved your advise. "the only thing that is going to make this better is a few drinks". And just as quick the angel on the other shoulder said " yknow, the only thing that could make this any more horrible is a drink".
I think it is going onto one of my mini slogans that I post around the house.
How are you doing now, Tipsy? :) I have a fun exercise. On listal.com I am making a wishlist for my best buddy of all the DVDs and books I want. :) You might want to do that and then email it to your loved ones. :)
My car knew how to get there even when I didn't.