hi, I am new...

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

hi, I am new...

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi staysoberlex, welcome to the board. pull up a chair and stay awhile.

Dean

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

You're in a good place lex....You're safe here. Lot of good people who have been where you are...And did stop drinking. I'd recommend that. Feel free to ask questions...Do some reading....Make yourself at home....I like you.....Was freaked out and terrified when I walked through the doors of AA....It saved my life.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

You don't have to drink every day to have alcoholism. It's what happens after you take the first drink, can you be certain what will happen? Have you started to read the "Big book" of alcoholics anonymous? We have a couple links to read it online.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 10th of December 2011 07:27:15 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

What you are hearing from your mental health professionals is due to them being invested in your coming back for more treatment and more psychotropic meds. You would not be hearing the same thing from a substance abuse counselor. I drank every few days or every other day for years and I was definitely addicted. I did it to "self medicate" as I have had depression and anxiety since my early 20s. In the end, it doesn't matter what started it...it is what it is and that is Alcoholism. You will not get sober until you accept it, recognize it has whooped your butt and you are really no different than any of the rest of us.

Also, I have met hundreds of people that drank in the pattern you are describing and it is very very hard to tell if the alcohol causes the panic and anxiety or if it treats it...eventually it definitely becomes a vicious cycle. Do not persist under any delusion that you are "medicating" anxiety because clinical anxiety and panic is definitely worsened by alcohol. Only nonalcoholics describe "unwinding" with like 1 or 2 drinks. Is that what you do? Do you unwind with 1 or 2 drinks? Doesn't sound like it. So, yes...I get the feedback about "self-medicating" but mostly I know that is a BS term used by many to justify ongoing drinking. We all "self-medicated" and we all drank ourselves into a state of seriously impaired functioning. We all kept drinking because we thought the drinking was helping when it was really hurting. This is the same thing as seeing a person with COPD hacking and coughing but still smoking and saying the cigarette actually help them breathe better (and I have actually seen that).

Anyhow, I identified with your post. You sound a lot like me. You probably don't even realize how much alcohol is really the CAUSE of all your problems (including the mental health ones) and you won't know unless you can stay sober for a good while. Yeah, you may have some ongoing mental health problems (as I do and I stay on meds prophalactically) but being sober has changed my life 100 percent. I am not ruled by anxiety and fear like I used to be. I am free.

I do suggest AA for you. Seek out meetings in churches and such...those tend to be smaller than at a clubhouse. If I had a penny for every person I have heard tell their story about how they were so crippled with anxiety and panic in their first year sober that they couldn't even look up or speak...I'd be really rich. You are not alone.

Mark

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Most importantly, Welcome Lex! I am really glad you came here to post and I hope you stick around.

SeekingSerenity · Veteran Member

Welcome Lex you are definately in a good place here. Lots of good wisdom.
Personally I think only alcoholics use alcohol to self medicate. My counsellor tried to steer me away from recovery groups, said it is too easy to become reliant on them for my recovery. I changed counsellors.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

SeekingSerenity wrote:
Welcome Lex you are definately in a good place here. Lots of good wisdom.
Personally I think only alcoholics use alcohol to self medicate. My counsellor tried to steer me away from recovery groups, said it is too easy to become reliant on them for my recovery. I changed counsellors.

I'm sure they aren't big on AA...It costs a buck a meeting...and that's if you have one.....They don't like to see their meal ticket go to a free recovery program that works. Where's the profit in that?

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

Welcome LEX!!!! Stick around! We need you!

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

Hi- thanks to all of you. You guys seem very kind and nice and accepting. I have started to think that I shouldn't trust much of what my counsellor and shrink says. For instance, my anxiety was so severe that I stopped sleeping and would drink excessive coffee to stay awake. Because I stopped sleeping I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on lithium for years. I was never asked about other symptoms, or why I wasn't sleeping. I got really depressed and was also put in the hospital, and was going to be given ECT. Luckily I made a lot of noise about that one. I have also had my counsellor tell me I need no medication for meds, all sorts of things. Because I live in Canada, I don't pay for them directly, but they aren't private doctors.You get who you can get. My counsellor is retiring very soon and because of this I am also losing my shrink (you need to see a counsellor at this place to have a shrink) and I do not know yet if I will be referred to another team. My counsellor said she doesn't think I need a team, so that's causing some stress. Also, Christmas gets me down in general. Sorry if I sould like I am whining, just wondering how many other people can relate.

I have thought more and more that I must be an alcoholic, despite what I am told, because I have problems with drinking, binge drink and have tried to stop and can't. I also want to quit smoking right now because I have asthma (well, also I want to quit anyway, but the asthma is telling me to quit now) and when I drink, even the times I don't get into trouble, I end up smoking. So right now because it's almost day 3 of now booze or smokes, I am feeling really spaced out (withdrawal).

I also know if I don't quit drinking, I will probably die. When I black out, I do stupid things. Not suicide attempts, but stupid, reckless things that are... okay, for instance, my buddy lives on the 20th storey of his building. I am really into both star-gazing and dinosaurs. He has caught me at least 3 times sitting on his open window ledge acting like a pterodactyl when drunk, or gazing at the stars and rambling about aliens. Obviously not normal behavior, and dangerous. I think maybe the reason a lot of people haven't taken my drinking seriously is that when I don't get so obnoxious I end up in the hospital or drunk tank, I do thinks that seem "funny" to other people. Like jumping in the ocean in february and swimming around (also very dangerous).

So I know I need to change. Also, OT, but how do I add a pic and stuff. Is there a page here for me where I can add info like movies I like (I like to fill out lists and stuff when I am bored). Thanks again for the welcoming. You guys seem awesome.

smile

I am not even sure if I am up to going to a physical AA meeting right now. I am more likely to actually come here for support, because it is less stressful and also, I can come anytime I want. I am not saying I will never go to a physical AA meeting or the like, I just don't think I am ready right now. I know if I push myself, end up panicking, etc... then I will be further behind mentally. As lame as that sounds.

Thanks again for being so welcoming. Also, sorry for rambling. disbelief I do that when I am nervous, and I am nervous most of the time (or have been since about age 7 so...yeah).

The idea that a lot of my health problems might become better and my brain will feel clearer (eventually) and I will be less anxious and nervous when I really cut booze (and smokes) out of my life is really exciting though. So I will probably come here when bored, or anxious, or depressed. I do want to give this a good try (rambling again). Thanks. biggrin

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Welcome, Lex. You're safe here and in real world meetings of AA. Our whole purpose is to help each other, those who wish to stop, to stop drinking. You're not alone. Thanks for helping me today. You did that, y'know. You helped me. Just by showing up. Thank You.

Peace - Rob

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

Wow, thanks Rob. :) Take care of yourself! :)

The Addiction Club · Senior Member

Hi Lex, sounds like you're in the right place.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

SSL when presented with the choice of being nuts or an alcoholic (same thing really lol) treatment for alcoholism is "the easy softer way". Give it the old college try for a year and I think that a lot of your issues will lighten up, clear up, or go away completely. My mother had an extensive mental illness history, complete with stays in mental institutions, meds, and therapy spanning 15 years, then she got sober. A year after sobriety, she leveled off and required no more therapy or meds. That was 36 years ago. She's 80 and doing well.

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

Okay, thanks Dean. smile I will try. I am right now afraid of failing. I am only on day 3 (close to day 4) of not drinking. I know I will NOT drink today. Tomorrow is a different story if I get up during certain hours and get stressed. Also, I still have to do some christmas shopping and sending junk off, which sounds like a minor thing, but it depresses me and stresses me out (tell people not to send me things, they still do, then I feel obligated to reciprocate). The next few days will be slightly stressful for various reasons. I figure if I still am sober by wed night after 6 then I have done a good job. It would be nice to get a full week behind me, too. :)

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

The holiday season is a hard for us folks. Most our families are in different places. hang in there.

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

I actually am glad my family is far away for various reasons. But christmas in general gets me down. Not because I am alone, but memories of Christmas past. I am trying to think of this as just another time of year and stay indoors and chill as much as possible, but I will be glad, I think, when it is over. Thanks Dean for your support.

tireduvdrinkin · Newbie

hi i to am on day 4 in 20 mins..lol.. is this yr first run at aa.... i have tried before but am readt to commit... feel pretty gross inside getting the poison out.....hope it goes well..i am hour by hour now

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

Hi tired of drinking- yay, we are on day 4 of being sober now! Yeah... detoxing (I am also trying to quit smokes) is nasty, but the fact that you feel sickly tells you just how full of toxins your body is/was so in a way, it's a good thing.

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome Lex, Keep Coming Back!

staysoberlex · Veteran Member

I plan to, thanks carla!

Jacq · Member

I'm new too. Self-medicating with alcohol is the key. I do it and I need to stop. It hurts to deal with those emotions though. Have you found a way to do it? Jacq