In the mind of a baby, "food" is synonymous with "mother." As the baby grows, the two concepts become differentiated, but perhaps never completely separated. We compulsive overeaters may still be confusing food with mother.Often we feel a great deal of hostility and resentment toward our mother - she did not give us enough love, or she gave us the wrong kind; she over fed us, or she denied us what we needed. We may still be searching the refrigerator for the perfect mother! Isn't it about time to realize that she is not there?
######ROSIE....i never thought of that, but yeah, its our mothers who first nourish us....so yeah, this makes sense......my mother was an alcoholic, so i got starved of a lot of love, especially when she got worse...i remember her love when i was little and she wasn't so bad, but than the bottle took over and we all got *back burnered*...and as i remember i began to comfort myself with food....thank God i was active and had good metabolism, cause i would have been in trouble .....i remember drinking milk till iwas about to burst....eating so much i was stuffed.......i was looking to mother me....i was craving my *mommy* figure....now i accept that i have to be my mother....its hard, because it is hard to be your own source of love, and God i can't feel/ smell/ see etc....but if it has to "begin with me" than i will do it.....i guess i am , Bcuz i am not overeating anymore, as i work my program.....oh i have the apetite of a bear in april but i do NOT eat till i am ready to pop...........and resentment and hostility towards my mother was huge.....she was so drunk/ so screwed up she enabled my perp!!!! she did NOT protect me!!!!! AND she blamed me to boot!!! yeah, i hated her almost as much as my perp.....it took this program to help me be able to *let her go* to understand that she was his victim too!!! and that she couldn't save herself, so how was she going to save me????? it does not excuse her reprensible behaviour, but i can feel some compassion for her plight....she hurt me too much!!! if she were alive i would not want to be close to her, but i could forgive her for he *trashed* her mind and her soul.....i have to cut her some slack.....i can see the correlation betweeen my need to comfort myself with food and her.....and yeah, i surfed my fridge looking for her too......now i do not!!!!! i look within me for my nurturing now........
No matter what we eat, or how much, we cannot turn back the clock and again become part of our mother. Perhaps instead of being inadequate, our mother was such a great source of comfort and satisfaction that we do not want to face life without a substitute for her presence. Our Higher Power intends that we come to depend on Him even more than we once depended on our mother. He daily offers us a relationship of even greater love and closeness than the one between mother and child. To grow in that relationship requires abstinence from compulsive overeating.........I turn over to You my relationship with my mother.
########ROSIE......that is right.....i ate....i bloated up......i felt miserable.....and mom did not appear!!!! so i had to look elsewhere, instead of the fridge or wine coolers.....i am looking withIN me...that is my only place....withIN me which connects me to the universe.....my *christ within*.........i depend on my HP more than i did....too bad, i can't feel a hug....smell it.....see it.......i do crave hugs IN SKIN!!!!! there are time GOD is not enough!!!!! i am in a body!!!! i am in human form!!!!! i do crave love from my own species.....but i guess i need more recovery before i can attract someone to share affection with....... its dificult but i figure i am moving forward, and i DECIDE to belive that my HP knows what is best for me now.......and i am abstaining from over eating....and you know???? i dn't have any desire to......i mean the more i love/accept me the less i get the *super munchies*........thank you DONE.......
