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Post Info TOPIC: Non AA member question for step 9
KB


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Non AA member question for step 9
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Hi there, 

Recently I was contacted by an ex-boyfriend who is currently going through the steps, and is currently at step 9.  What I would like to know is if it is okay to contact him via email instead of a phone conversation?  

I do not want to call him, but I do not want to impede his progress in his program.

Thank you



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MIP Old Timer

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That is totally fine.

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MIP Old Timer

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Just to clarify on that...I made an amends to an ex and she wouldn't answer the phone when I called her. So I hand delivered it to her at work and never heard from her again. Didn't really expect to...I felt better...And that is what it is for.

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MIP Old Timer

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My thought is that it would mean more to have a more personal contact, but if that would do further harm to the relationship, then email would be okay ...


Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy



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MIP Old Timer

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Hey pappy....Sounds like... as in my case as well...The relationship is over. You can't harm something that is over....I admitted my wrongs said what I intended to do to right them...Basically try and be a better person and left it at that. Clean my side of the street.

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MIP Old Timer

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You don't "have" to talk to him or communicate at all. The person only has to make an attempt to make ammends. What you do for your own sake is 100 percent up to you and you do not need to feel guilty even if you don't want any contact with him. So yes...I think email would be fine... Whatever you decide would be fine in my book.

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MIP Old Timer

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pinkchip wrote:

You don't "have" to talk to him or communicate at all. The person only has to make an attempt to make ammends. What you do for your own sake is 100 percent up to you and you do not need to feel guilty even if you don't want any contact with him. So yes...I think email would be fine... Whatever you decide would be fine in my book.


 Exactly....Thank you.



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When all else fails...Follow the directions.

KB


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Thank you all very much for your responses, I appreciate them all. I feel in my heart that it is right to contact him, and encouraged to hear that email (although direct would be best) will be ok. Thanks.

Take care.

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MIP Old Timer

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Do what you feel is best for you.  

For the person approaching the amends, willingness to do so is paramount.  We are taught to be prepared that there is not always a response.  It's great when there is a positive response, but it's not a requirement for a sucessful amends.



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