I origianally posted this as a link, but decided to put the entire post as it was on the other website.

Here Goes:

Ever since I was a child, I was always told about the Evils of Alcohol and Drugs, but starting at the Age of 17, I turned my back on everything I had learned, and dared God to prove me wrong.

Coming from a religious home, with two brothers, and two sisters, I was the youngest of 5. My father was a devote Christian, we attended church every Sunday, and Wednesday night. I was taught to Respect and fear the word of God. My parents never drank, or even exceeded the speed limit. They did everything they thought was right in raising us, but that didnt stop me from experimenting with Marijuana. I remember the first time I tried a Joint at the age of 17, I had the feeling that I never had before, I was downtown at the McDonalds going to get a Bite to eat after smoking the Joint, not thinking it did anything to me, I started laughing uncontrollably, and thus started my addition to Drugs. Alcohol soon followed, and I found I loved the feeling of them both. From that point on, every chance I got, I would get stoned. I had a part time Job and going to high school, living at home in the basement of my parents house, I had access to the money necessary to buy drugs and booze, and a car of my own to get to the next party. Every weekend, I would pick up my friends, and look for the next party. After some time, I discovered a new feeling on Marijuana: Paranoia. I would be driving my car when I got stoned, and suddenly I was scared, my heart racing, and could not wait to get out of the car. The feeling would pass after chasing it with a couple of beers to get me started. This should have been my first clue I was heading down the wrong path, but I usually shrugged it off as the case of the Jitters, and my friends told me that it was normal. Paranoia would happen more and more often, but I found that If I started out with a couple of beers, the feeling would not always happen. This started my love affair with Alcohol. It made me feel like I had no problems, always in control. In my early days of drinking, I would often over Indulge, and have to throw up, but after some experience, I learned to control this by slowing down my drinking, and keep a slow steady buzz. I found there were times when I drank too much, and I would blackout, not remembering what I did the night before. Some nights I would arrive home after a party, not remembering driving home, or driving down the highway 100 miles per hour at 3am rushing home. At the time, this seemed perfectly normal.
Remarkably, I graduated High School,I quit smoking for a period of time after getting arrested for Possession of Marijuana at the age of 18, and got an Associates Degree in Computers at the age of 21. I got Married at Age 23 to my first wife Megan, and had a son Elliot out of the Marriage (I also had a son Jason out of another relationship that I never acknowledged until later in life). I managed to get my dream job of Computer Programmer still partying on the weekends with my wife at the time. The Disease was still progressing at this point to where I needed something Better, so I tried LSD for the first time. Nothing bad happened the first time I did it, but the 2nd time I had a Bad Trip in which I felt that Paranoia again, but this was 100 Times worse, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, and I started Hearing Voices. This started a Mental Illness that has never completely left me from that day on. Each time I tried to Smoke weed after that, I would be brought back to the Paranoia that I felt on that bad acid trip, so I stopped Smoking again, but this time I started to drink, and every day.
Somehow I managed to move to St Louis, and get a better paying Job, and was hospitalized probably within a couple of months of moving there with Psychotic Depression. The Marriage was starting to have trouble at this point, and instead of trying to work things out or see a counselor, because of the voices, I got a divorce from my wife. The Voices were my subconsciouss minds way of telling me I had problems I needed to face, but I never looked at them that way at the time.
Then I met my 2nd wife Denise, which I am still married to this day, we both liked to drink, and the party was on every night. I drank every day starting from the time I got home, until I passed out, while taking my medication for my depression as well. My wife quit drinking after almost dying of Pancreatitus, which most likely was caused by alcohol. I should have taken that as a clue myself, but I continued to drink, now being isolated, and many times drinking by myself at home. I continued to get worse, and drinking not only beer but hard liquor every night as well. I would go to work many mornings with a hangover, and go into full scale anxiety attacks, which later I learned as being my body withdrawing from Alcohol. This continued for years, and several hospital room visits for heart palpitations. Missed days at work, Later Arrivals, and Leaving Early from work because of my Anxiety Attacks were taking their toll on my performance, but I had a good boss, and they never dismissed me for any of this. I started feeling really depressed, and didnt really care what happened to me anymore. I started smoking weed again, and then things really spiraled out of control. Drinking was becoming a necessity, but I lost that good feeling I used to like about it. Then the night came where I made the 911 phone call that changed my life. At the time, I thought my life was over, and had no hope, I called 911 and said I was going to hurt my wife, daring the police to respond. I took my 12 Pack of beer with me into the basement, and started drinking one after another until the police arrived to get me. By sheer luck, or my wifes good thinking, they sent me to the Hospital Instead of Jail. It was there that I wore up the next morning under observation, and not allowed to leave. I would spend another week, and two more weeks in outpatient treatment, and I started attending my first AA Meetings.
At first, I thought that I would just stop the Alcohol, but continue to smoke weed, I smoked once after leaving the hospital, and before my first AA meeting. But something happened to me in my first AA Meeting that I never expected. I starting telling other people how I felt, and I knew from that point on that I would stop everything. My problem was not Alcohol, but all my Addictions. The first 30 days was hell. I thought about wanting to drink every day, but I learned something in the program that I thought I would never do. I put my trust in God, and took one day at a time. I dont think I could have stopped drinking if it wasnt for God helping me.
Every day is has gotten easier, and I am starting to find that I can have fun without Alcohol or drugs. I am learning to deal with my problems instead of running from them like I did for all those years. I am realizing all that God has done for me in my life by blessing me with my Wife, Sons, Stepchildren, and even grandchildren. I have learned do deal with life on Lifes Terms, and not my own, and if there is a problem I cant handle, I will leave it up to God. I am learning things about myself that I never thought possible, but this would not have been possible if I continue to drink or drug. I do have problems, and my Mental Illness gets me down from time to time, but when it gets to be too much, I spend time talking to God in my own way, and things get better. I cant explain it, but God is doing for me what I would not do for myself. I have the feeling now that No Matter what happens in the future, I will be okay. Thats something that I could not have said before.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 29th of November 2011 07:44:23 AM

-- Edited by jdfitch2 on Tuesday 29th of November 2011 10:19:43 AM