There are times in my life that I feel as if I am standing at the edge of an abyss...so wide that I can't see the other side, so deep I can't see the bottom and so dark that no light can shine through. As I stand there I find myself wondering if I should turn back and pretend that I never reached that point, if I should stand still and just stay put or if I should continue the journey...leaping with faith and allowing God to catch me. I reached the abyss when I got sober...and jumped into a world beyond my wildest imagination. I found people that I loved without condition and was loved in return. I discovered that once I did jump, placing all trust in God, that I couldn't ever go back, and I don't want too. I am at another abyss. I stand here wondering if I should stay here for awhile...Knowing that nothing will change if nothing changes. And yet I am scared.
I told my husband last night that I wanted to leave. I have never done that before, I have always just run away. This time was different. He is angry with me...he says I have already made up my mind and he knows that nothing he says will change it, and he's right. Too much has happened for me to just forgive and forget. Nothing changed from the many times we have gone through this before and I am tired.
Pray for me...I am trusting only in God to get through this, cause I really don't know what is going to happen or how it will turn out, but at least I have some comfort in the knowledge that I have made a decision.
Cheri, You are in my prayers. As I have gotten to know you on this board I know this is something you are not just rushing into, so I trust you will do what is best for you.
If God brought you to the decision He'll take you through it.
My thoughts are with you Cheri. And I have a hard time replying to this one.
Im still trying to find my way, also.
My sponsor keeps saying "Eleventh step" and I guess, when it comes right down to it...hes right.
Sometimes I think I make the right decisions...and going, in the right direction..then I second guess myself, all over the place.--and then, fear, anxiety, and all that fun stuff sets in, and I can self sabatage the whole thing.
Sometimes, I set out in a direction, and feel right about it, fully...and hit a dead end.
Being hit by turnip trucks can put me in a "sitting in the sand mode", where I dont even wanna move. Just, climb back in that safe box, where theres nothing but depression, and saying "Is this it?"
And going into new territorry involves risk...and the thoughts of being mowed down again.
Its like youve mentioned before. "We are sober" and we do our best today.
The rest of it.?
We never know--until we take a step forward and try something new, and we do that for us, and trust in our Higher Power, that everything will turn out all right.
Whatever you decide..we are with you, with love Phil
__________________
Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I just received this from my sponsor a couple of minutes ago:
God's Will
How do we know what God's will is, especially when we're running around with a severe case of self-will run riot? How can we make sure the choices we're making are God's will when our options seem confusing and we're not sure what to do? What about when we do something we think is God's will and it doesn't work out? Do we blame ourselves? Or do we count our mistakes as lessons we needed to learn along the way?
Sometimes when I recover from a particularly exhausting bout of self-will, I think that my mistakes were just a waste of my time. But then something happens, and I see that my worst mistakes are recyclable. What I learn from mistakes translates into something else that works out for the good.
We do have choices, and they have consequences. Most philosophers agree that free will is the greatest gift given to human beings. And we're responsible for what we choose or don't choose. But most of us, who have some practice with God's will, agree that there's a little extra something taking place.
With all my ups and downs, I still believe with all my heart that God's will is the best thing around.
There's a peace, a harmony, a rhythm to God's will. It's a solid undercurrent, a path that takes us through, over, or around whatever we face, including the Unknown. We don't always know when we've gotten out of or away from it, but we can sure feel it when we get back on track.
__________________
Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
i have felt like this too....i felt like i was stuck, trying to climb this so steep mountain, too big, but i know i gotta do it...if i turn back, than what kind of shape will i be in 6 months????? not worth it!!! so i go, i climb, cause i know i have to reach the higher points one day, where it is not so danged hard........sometimes at the point where i feel like giving up, is when i know that i have conquered yet another big part of it.......thanks for sharing this/ rosie
U gota do what u gotta do!! You know in your heart. My daughter is trying to do the same thing right now. It's a struggle for sure, but I'm sure in the end it will be worth it. Good luck
