I have read a lot recently about AAs and this sites revolving door policy. Newcomers and relapsers are told the door swings both ways, that if you go out to do more research, you can always come back if it doesnt work out.
Of course newcomers and relapsers are always welcome back, more than welcome, in fact, from our point of view, but this cunning, baffling powerful disease sometimes has other ideas and is inclined to throw a real spanner in the works. A newly returned member made this point beautifully at my home group last night when he said recovery is not a given, you have to work at it immediately and continually
This reminded me of my friend Zac. He came to the fellowship about the same time as me. He was secretary of our young peoples meeting for almost ten years, was always kind, considerate, and totally reliable. He was there practically every week to open up and he was always immaculately presented.Over this time he helped loads of people in the fellowship. To many of us he was a kind of father figure, a picture of silent strength and calmness.
One day when I was visiting my parents in Oxford, about 40 miles out of Christchurch, Zac phoned and told me he was drinking. I remember it like it was yesterday, I got in the car and drove down to see him. I was thinking on the way;
hell be alright. He has loads of AA knowledge, hell understand what needs to be done, Ill get him into detox and then back to the meetings no problem. All his AA experience will be of great value etc etc.
I could not have been more wrong! Zacs AA hard drive had been wiped, it was like he had never been there. Nothing either I, or the many other AA members who tried to help, could do or say made any difference. What happened, I guess, was between Zac and his God. His window of opportunity was jammed shut, the revolving door was locked and it stayed that way. Zac died a few months later, alone and drunk, beyond human aid.
The lesson for me was that if I want to give up the power of choice and drink again, there is absolutely no guarantee that Ill get it back. Many dont.
To those just beginning this journey, for whom God has opened the window of opportunity, please remember its not a "given". "We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start".
God bless,
Mike H.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 02:39:35 PM
Very good lesson here Mike, ... thanks for bringing this to the front of my thoughts ... I've been through those revolving doors too ... and I learned not to rest on my laurals ... This is definitely a way-of-life that must include a daily spiritual maintenance routine ... And as the saying goes, I don't know if I have another drunk left in me or not, I don't think I'd make it back, based on how low I found myself the last time ... I'm afraid the door might lock behind me too ...
Thank You and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I hear you "FS". There's certainly no guarantees, is there?. Remember, you can carry the message but you cannot carry the drunk. Period...I pray that doesn't happen to me, for today.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 02:37:03 AM
"recovery is not a given, you have to work at it immediately and continually"
So well put. Thank you. From time to time I get resentful that I can't "graduate" from AA and be "recovered." Then I don't go to meetings for a few weeks and am amazed at how quickly my old thought patterns return. I don't even "count time" or collect chips because, for me personally, it was too much of a suggestion to myself that I can rest on my laurels -- when the truth is, it doesn't matter how long I've been sober so far, what matters is what action I am going to take to stay sober TODAY.
Wow....That was an awesome share. I have seen some people who have heard that relapse is part of recovery almost giving them an excuse to go out. I doesnt have to be that way. Sorry to hear about your friend. Your story will help many!
