on the wagon and falling off...

frederico · Member

on the wagon and falling off...

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Federico...When you are really ready you will quit. Stopping is like applying the brakes from time to time; quitting is getting out of the car and selling it.

A Huge friend of AA Dr. Harry Tiebout did a message about the difference twix surrender and submission which for me became my mind set. Submission happens on a conscious level with a residual thought that there will come a day when I can safely drink again...I'm stopping. Surrender operates on the subconscious level, deep, where I get it that I can never safely drink again and quit.

For me going back to drinking signifies that I am not ready yet. Everytime I drank after acknowledging that I wouldn't do that again was a relapse...I went back to alcohol and acknowledged that it ruled me not the other way around. When I was ready...truely ready...I quit and never went back no matter how much it wanted me to. Up to today I'm done. Today I read my literature after I spoke with my Higher Power and then went and did service at a local college health fair as the public information chair for our local AA District office. I quit!! I do the opposite.

Keep coming back...no need to lurk any longer...you have a voice...step up and speak and continue to ask for help. Do this program as suggested and you will leave out the wiggle room which isn't in your favor.

You're alive; be grateful cause our is a life threatening disease. (((hugs))) smile

rrib · Senior Member

I was not able to quit on my own. Didn't think A.A. would work either since I had been before and there I was drunk.

So I made up my mind to see a shrink and do whatever he said to do. At the end of the 1st session he said he couldn't help me with my drinking. Said if I was serious about not wanting to drink anymore, I should go back to A.A. and give it an honest try.

I did and have not had a drink or a recreational drug since.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Welcome frederico,
Did you read this?:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Your story is told time and again in the book. You are no different than us. We just followed the steps. We fell. We stumbled. Then we got the program. I thought I was cured after 20+ years, then I stumbled because I lost the program. I got back on the wagon. Just keep trying to bring the program more into your life and work on your relationship with your HP.

Tom

barisax · Senior Member

rrib wrote:
So I made up my mind to see a shrink and do whatever he said to do. At the end of the 1st session he said he couldn't help me with my drinking. Said if I was serious about not wanting to drink anymore, I should go back to A.A. and give it an honest try.

How refreshing to hear of an honest shrink!

I never went to a shrink to get help with my drinking. I went to a psychiatrist when I was a teenager, before I ever started drinking. When I did start, I no longer needed the shrink... LOL.

I ended up going to a psychologist after I had been sober for a while. It was about other issues, it was helpful and when I felt I was at a point of diminishing returns, I stopped.

IMO going to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor should be done with a goal in mind, even if that goal isn't specific, and the only thing I can say when I get there is "HELP!!" But the goal should not be to spend the rest of my life going to a shrink... but often that's the shrink's motivation. It's not too hard to tell.

Barisax

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Hi Federico,

Welcome to "MIP"...

How many times did I relapse? Too many. Did I give up on recovery? Of course not. So what changed? Everything about me did, and for good reason. I had to change everything, and I mean "everything" including my lifestyle, if I was to survive. Basically, I had to immerse myself in the solution not the addiction. And when I did something amazing happened...I stayed sober, for today. If my experiences have taught me anything, it would prove how unmanageable my life actually was. The evidence would be crystal clear by now; I can't drink responsibly... period.

Did I try to conceal my alcoholism? Yes. Were there justifiable excuses to conceal my alcoholism? Yes. But denying the inevitable wasn't the problem. I mean, there were some denial based rationales I used to justify my drinking, but it was in no way an excuse to conceal the obvious, my alcoholism. I didn't have the luxury of doing that, because my alcoholism stood out more than ever. The only thing preventing me from sobering up was the desire to further my drinking more than anything.

That's why I lived in a state of limbo for so many years, not moving along as I should. That insidious lifestyle continued until the day my drinking eventually turned on me. Basically, I couldn't control my drinking any longer, and that's when "AA" stepped in, thank God. I haven't looked back since and can -with everyone's help, live a reasonably happy existence for many years to come. I hope the same can be said of you, one day at a time.

~God bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 17th of October 2011 02:43:05 AM

frederico · Member

Thank you all for your time, I appreciate the replies. Reading different points of view and experiences really helps me. I have read the book Tom, thank you...I even have a copy at home. I guess I need to do more than just read it, I need to find a meeting and more people like the ones on this board.

Jeff

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like your thinker is putting ideas in proper order Jeff...The "I need to's" reveal that now we know and know that we know and still alcohol is a cunning, baffling and powerful foe...it will attempt to maintain management of you and your systems until something of higher importance is placed in its path (admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanagable...1st step of the 12), and kept there on a daily basis so...take the "I needs" and insert them into your feet. This is indeed a "walk" program and if it is not you will remain in the direction of this fatal disease. It has to have all of you and cannot without your participation.

Find the meetings and meeting times and go with an open mind and absolutely no resistance to what you might see and hear there.

In support. smile

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

I relapsed all the time before I went to AA. I never relapsed after going to AA. That is the nature of the beast. ALL OF US tried to stop on our own and couldn't....MANY TIMES. Now that you have that answer. No time like the present, get to a meeting and lets talk some AA. Welcome from the fringes and I am so glad you stopped lurking. Now just dive in and get in the middle of AA.

Mark

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

I relapsed too many times to count, I was in the program for a year and a half before I could pick up a 6-month chip. It finally just stuck. Nothing unusual about that last time I drank that made sobriety stick, I was just finally ready to be done. Keep trying, one day at a time.

GG

Bob K · Senior Member

I stopped and started many times before giving AA a shot. By the time I got there I was completely out of tomorrows and was a beaten man. I was told by an old timer that when you are beaten down as bad as I was the only thing left to do is surrender. He told me give it a shot nothing I had tried up to that time on my own worked so what did I have to lose. I took the first step and I surrendered and have never looked back that was in December of 1988. Hit some meetings and find someone to talk to one on one after the meeting there is a lot of wisdom and compassion in these rooms. What do you have to lose?

-- Edited by Bob K on Tuesday 18th of October 2011 02:42:48 PM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi Frederico,
I read recently that AA's success rate has dropeed from 50-60% in the 70's to 3-7% now. The difference? Meetings and Fellowship are only part of The Program. Stepwork is the part that turns selfish, self-centered, drunken assholes like me into decent, sober human beings...like God wants me to be IF & WHEN I do The Work.
I've spouted and listened to three years of words. Some good, some crap. But without 12 Step Action...I fell again and again and again.

That's all I've got. G'nite.

HeatherK · Veteran Member

Zero relapse here, and I believe it is because of ONE THING.

I don't believe that it is MY strength keeping me sober. It is the strength of my Higher Power.

I urge you to work the steps my friend. I need to do the third step prayer every day, and always remember Thy will, NOT mine be done.

I am a suicidal drunk and junkie, a lousy friend, a liar, a selfish, self-centered b**** when I'm trying to run the show. I don't know how to balance a checkbook. I don't know how to take care of my sick children. I don't know how to drive in traffic without flying into a rage. My head is crazy and I cannot trust it without some guidance.

Most of us who are staying sober have surrendered to the fact that we need the AA program, we need the fellowship, we need to be willing to do what our sponsors tells us to do, and we need our Higher Power to live life WELL, every single day. We have a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. We only have today.

You see, alcoholism is a disease. We are sick people, not BAD people. With help, we can recover...but we need to remember who we are and where we come from. We also need to remember we are not alone.

Welcome, and thanks for speaking up, Frederico! You are among friends. Heather

frederico · Member

Thank you all again for the replies, I am still reading them, there are a lot of good people here. I think I am ready to admit that I am powerless over alcohol...I'm going to find a meeting this week. Thank you all :)