I've gone before and I was so uncomfortable, I felt really lost and out of place. I felt like I didnt belong there, like I didnt deserve to be with these people. This sounds terrible but I actually feel discouraged by their success. They seem to have already climbed this mountain that I'm at the bottom of and it makes me feel like I'm not strong enough, not as strong as them because I've tried and failed so many times.
Tipsy my boy you've got to start somewhere, if you want what we have you have to do what we did. Everyones afraid, everyone at the meetings is a drunk just like you. When I went to my first meeting my head was telling me I was different, I was better, I was worse. Then I looked around at the people in the room, looked at their eyes, saw that they had suffered like I had suffered that they understood me like no one else, that this was my tribe and a voice deep inside me said that this was the place to "Make my Stand" I'd run out of place to hide but I finally found my place, I quit running. Where are you going to make your stand ? Good luck. Bob.
-- Edited by cooncatbob at 23:22, 2005-10-27
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
hi, tipsy.. it's good to see you again. You know,, maybe that is what you are thinking,, but we may be thinking something else. When most of us see a 'newbie' we remember our first meeting too,, when we felt the same way you do now. Maybe we do have some measures of success, and some slips and restarts,,, but you know the old saying... umm.. something like the longest journey starts with the first step. Sounds like you're about ready to take it.
When I went to my first meeting.. I felt very alone,, as usual,, but when I got to my 3rd meeting I thought,, wow,, these people are saying things that I can really relate to. And the sharings are supposed to be about the strength they have gained,, through the program and with their Higher Power,, and they are supposed to share hope with you,, that whatever success they have can be yours also,, and they are supposed to share their experience from coming from active alcoholism into the progress, not perfection, of recovery. Anyone who lays a trip on you about how good they're doing and that that gives them any right to look down on you needs to focus on themselves and think about that maybe they haven't really gotten it yet themselves.
Some places, if they are large enough to have a few groups going on, have special meetings for newbies.. 'beginner's meetings'.. you might look to see if there are any in your area. But I don't like to stay in beginner's meetings for tooo long,, people do need to move past Step 3 to Step 4 sometime.
I'll be praying for you,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I'm glad you're back. The people at the meeting that have already "gotten it" are the ones you need to be around. They are the ones that will show you exactly what it is you need to do to stay sober. They will not judge you they will only love you til you can love yourself. The catch is you have to tell them what you need so they can help you. So go to the meeting and tell them you don't know how to stay sober by yourselfl and need help. You'll get the help you want and you'll make some lifelong friends. The rest of it will come.
Thanks for posting and for staying sober today... Love, cheri
Hi Tipsey. I know you have questioned about calling this problem of ours a disease. However, it's difficult to describe it any other way than that we have an emotional sickness. And, as with any physical illness, we often find the medicine to be a little bitter to swallow. I have heard the saying "fake it until you make it", and wondered if that really could work. I have been told to keep coming back, even when I didn't feel like being there, even if all I did was sit and listen.
I too have thought, "Man! After hearing the kind of life that some of these folks have had to tolerate, I must some kind of pansy-ass, not to be able to deal with my little problems on my own."
It took me a while to realize that I needed to hear how others were using this program (sometimes stumbling and getting back up, but always moving forward), to slowly but surely beat back this craving/addiction to chemically alter their feelings/emotions.
I have discovered that most of those folks who reached that mountain top did a lot of sliding down some slippery slopes before getting there. They got there the same way we will, by being brutally honest with themselves and with others, and by sharing the experience.
When you feel that you are climbing that mountain alone, in the dark, and you can't see the top, just stick your arm out in that darkness, in any direction, and you will touch my shoulder, or Phil's, or Wendy's or Doll's or Mikel's, or any other on this site...and you will know that you are going up that slope with others who can offer you a hand up when you need it, and who you can offer a hand when they encounter a boulder in their path.
May you always find Love, Peace, and Tranquility through sobriety.
I certainly didn't want to go to AA. I didn't belong with "those people". For me it was the opposite of you, THEY were the lowest of low cause I didn't drink from a paper bag, I'd never been to jail, etc, etc. But I knew if I wanted to get sober and STAY sober AA was my last hope! This is what was suggested to me, and this is what worked for me; go to different meetings throughout the week, find the ones you like, feel more comfortable in, or identify with the others most. 90 meetings in 90 days, whether I wanted to or not. For every meeting put a $1 in a jar at home and at the end of 90 meetings if it's not working for me, then I get a refund! And someone even said "take the $90 and go get shitfaced!!!"
Bottom line, if you want to get sober and STAY sober you gotta give it a shot! What do you have to lose? And you may just be surprised that it really does work if you work it.
Stop finding excuses, man! There comes a time when you either gotta shit or get off the pot!
You are not alone! Hold on! Just hold on!
Love and Hugs
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 08:23, 2005-10-28
-- Edited by Doll at 08:50, 2005-10-28
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Tipsy, I really don't have anything to add, everyone has shared great stuff. I would say just take a deep breath and walk in the AA meeting,sit down and listen. Keep it simple.
You are worth what-ever it takes to live life sober.
DO IT, MAN! JUST DO IT!! Walk in, sit down, open your ears, your mind, your heart, and get ready to be very moved. These are people just like YOU; the bonding you will feel becomes instantaneous. They're not going to judge you, look down their noses at you, scoff at you, mimic you, degrade you. . .they will, however, welcome you with open arms and offer to help you.
Don't worry about those Twelve Steps all at once. Just focus on the first three, for now: Acknowledge your disease has made your life unmanageable, acknowledge there is a Higher Power, and be willing to turn your will and life over to this Higher Power. That's it; walk in, sit down, observe. . .and bask in the soothing realization you are NOT alone. Go for it! Peace,
hey tipsy, i kinda feel the same way....what i do is get on the pal talk, and so its voice and REALLY good, there are a lot of GOOD alkie meets there...i go every fri/ sat night (TRY to go) at 10pm central time.....its just as good, to me, cuz we really hear our voices and we get into some GR8 shares.........i totally relate to you...... you do what you gotta do to take care of U/ rosie
And someone even said "take the $90 and go get shitfaced!!!" 