(I hope it is okay to start new threads as I check in as was suggested of me...if it is not, please let me know and I will post in the same thread...etiquette in these sorts of forums varies and so I want to adhere to whatever is expected/required.)
I had a great experience tonight. My temporary sponsor invited me yesterday to attend a campfire meeting hosted by a group in a little town nearby tonight. This is something that I typically would NEVER agree to do...the thought of going to a "social" with a bunch of strangers always petrified me. But when he asked me to attend, I instantly said, "yes" and actually looked forward to it all day. As it turns out, the meeting site sits right on a beautiful lake (where I grew up and hadn't visited in 20+ years) and I was able to walk down by myself and sit on the bluff and watch as the sun set. I honestly felt closer to the God of my understanding in those moments than I have in a long, long time.
There was lots of great food...and even laughter (including from me!)...and a speaker who really hit home with an inspiring story of recovery. The people were very friendly, and while I had moments where I felt awkward and out of place, I consciously acknowledged and addressed those feelings. I didn't allow myself to feel "forced" but just was myself and took things in naturally. It is okay for me to be me and I just refuse to let allow my irrational fear of people to drive me away from recovery again as it has before...it seems that I now have another "inner voice" that helps me to combat the old ideas and old thinking patterns that has emerged from the point of desperation I had reached.
So I am continuing to engage the fellowship aspect of this program in ways that I never have before...I'm doing things that are totally contrary to my nature and completely out of my comfort zone because you say these are the things I have to do to stay sober, and today that is more important to me than anything...
Now onto a practical question I suppose. I know from many years experience that not everyone in AA is there for the right reasons. Some use it as a social/pick-up club, some are forced by the authorities (as I have been in the past), and some aren't even alcoholic. I am anxious to get into step work and I want a sponsor who is serious about that as well...someone who has worked Steps thoroughly and continues to do so...so I don't want to hastily ask someone to sponsor me, but at the same time, I don't want my "pickiness" to lead to procrastination...so is that a decision that I should make sooner rather than later, or more carefully and with some investigation and thought in time?...your advice and shared experience in this regard is much appreciated.
Thanks...for sharing your "ESH" with us. I can so relate to your story Voyager and how apprehensive you felt. I too, had a similar encounter with my first sponsor early on in sobriety, which left me with some lingering doubts myself. He was leading a spiritual seminar locally on what he called a weekend retreat and, of course, he invited me to come. I said, are we the only two going? His reply, yeah...but there will be other people attending. I thought to myself, what the heck is this guy up too?
He was devout christian who was well known for two things; his religious convictions and how Jesus saved his life. He was also known for being somewhat affectionate as well, which troubled me a bit. He was always trying to hug me, which made me feel "very" uncomfortable to say the least. I thought, well...maybe his intentions for me were more than originally planned. However, I gave the retreat a chance anyway. And thank God I did. What I took away from that experience was much more than anticipated. And invaluable as well. The lessons I learned were so enlightening that it would eventually become the foundation for both my recovery and my life. Now...we hug all the time.
My point is simple; Questioning someones motives is not always a good idea, even though it may seem awkward or out of place. Why? because you never know how it will turn out, that's why. You're right; there are 13th steppers out there who do, unfortunately, give "AA" a bad name. I pray for their healing as well. The good news, however, is promising and involves our greatest advocates. The People in and out of the program who can be our eyes and ears and voice of reason when sticky situations do arise. And you're right, we should consult them further before we proceed, especially if we feel uncomfortable in any way. That, my friend, is how "we" work the program, thanks be to God.
Remember, nothing should deter us from experiencing God's best, not in the least. He does have our best interests in mind continuously; all that's required from us, is to seek out his will for our lives and for the clarity that's necessary to make the right decision. You did, and can now enjoy all the fruits of your labor, one adventure at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 30th of September 2011 11:59:48 PM
It doesn't take long to figure out and find a person who has solid sobriety and some time under their belt. It's not like choosing a life mate. If it doesn't work out you can always change but I opt on the side of chosing a sponsor sooner rather than later.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I just got back from a 12&12 meeting and found out that my temporary sponsor had a heart attack last night after I had dropped him off from the campfire meeting. He is stable, but in the intensive care unit. Please keep him in your prayers.
