Been consistent drinker since freshman yearnin high school...thirty years later decided to stop....binge drinker with a problem...three days a weak real heavy...my biggest fear is losing my friends...spent first Friday and Saturday night at home alone with wife and kids....we have a close circle ofndrinking friends...what doni tell them? My wife of 25 years barely drinks....she knows I have a problem...what do I tell her? I don't want to admit to a problem to her for fear of relapse. I am to shy and embarrassed tomconsider an aa meeting
Big step just writing what you did. Way to go! I felt the same way. I didnt want to admit I had a problem. Was scared what everyone would think. Fact was, they all knew I was an alcoholic before i did. They were glad to see me get help when I told them.
Dont be afraid of relapse. It happens. It SUCKs, but it happens. Worry about not drinking today. That is what really matters.
If you decide to go to a meeting, it is easy. People will welcome you and invite you back. It has saved my life.
Welcome ,glad you are reaching out,,we have a saying we cant save our butts(another term used here) and our face at the same time.I also thought I had "friends" while I was active,they were the same people that would watch me crawl to my car,bang into the pole and drive home.The same "FRIENDS" when I said I could no longer do this after 25 years of oblivion really didnt want me around,the life of the party was pooping,,It was My Higher Power and me and guidance to a program that helped me find a new way to live as God's grace and mercy allowed me to make an emotional acceptance of utter defeat,to surrender and find that new way to live.After 3 marriages,jails,institutions and death of many around me and only God;s grace I am still here, there were really only 2 options for me,continue on to the same jails ,institutions,deriliction or death or seek that new way. When we hold on to "reservations" things we keep in our minds that prepare us for relapse( for example if this happens I'll do that etc,you say I dont want to admit for fear of relapse))subconcious,maybe concious, thoughts we may not even beware of but laying in wait.tHIS ILLNESS WILL DO WHATEVER TO KEEP YOU OR GET YOU BACK........Until you get yourself into recovery,everything else will continue to disintegrate(based on the evidence,take a look inside")You can continue to drink and if your are one of the fortunate ones,the PAIN will outweigh the Pleasure and you'll make a decison.WE will be here,I can only suggest ,make a meeting,listen closely and identify with the feelings and dont compare to others,WE all have our own stories but in AA we learn that we share a common illness and WE can help each other but it starts with ourselves.Glad you showed up here,we were all anxious,fearful and maybe embarrassed in the beginning,but you can weigh the options.Others will be on to share their ESH(experience,strength and hope with you ,stick around okay!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
There is an acronym (one of many in AA) that refers to HOW to get sober.
H - Honesty O - Open-mindedness W - Willingness
So these 3 variables will directly predict your success at staying sober. You need to be HONEST to the point of not caring that people know you have "a problem." Everyone has problems and yours is causing you pain. You deserve help and healing and support as much as anyone else. Alcohol is powerful, cunning, and baffling. It wants you to try and cover up and be ashamed rather than humble and help-seeking. So that is crucial. You have to move past the shame of reaching out for help and start being honest. Honestly ask fellow alcoholics for help and ask God or your higher power for help.
Next, you need to be OPEN-MINDED to the point of taking some suggestions and not automatically shutting down and thinking you are too different or unique to utilize a solution that worked for many others before you. Typically this type of open-mindedness comes from desperation and being at the point where you would do anything suggested by those with experience. It means having a just a bit of faith that things will change if you do something different and a knowing things will not change substantially if you do nothing. Until you open your mind up to recovery, recovery will not find you.
Lastly, you need to be WILLING to the point of following through (going to meetings, getting a sponsor, doing stepwork) and making sobriety a serious priority in your life.
**All of this may sound hard and confusing and like a huge huge commitment. It's not. It's just a lifestyle shift (a spiritual one) and it literally is the solution to drunken misery and failed or miserable attempts to "go on the wagon." You did make huge progress coming here and seeking a bit of help and suggestion. It showed some degree of all 3 of those qualities I listed above. Now take it one step further and keep doing that a day at a time.
That's AA in a nutshell :)
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi there n I am glad you wrote...I am fairly new and was in your shoes. For a while I didn't tell anyone ... I just didn't drink and I attended meetings eve day. I really enjoy this forum because I could speak easier than I felt like I could at meetings... The thoughts and ideas people shared were very supportive and non-judgmental (but the support I received at meetings was non-judgmental, too). Get out to a meeting and see how it is... ONE STEP AT A TIME... That is all you need to do....
Welcome, Hellotoall. I found I didn't have to tell anyone I quit--when they saw me stay upright three days in a row, they figured it out for themselves. It was either that or the fact that my shoes no longer had vomit on them, not sure which was the give away ,
Most important thing is that you know what you're doing. Don't worry about others, give yourself some slack. This is about you and your life.
Every single person around the tables at an aa meeting have been in your shoes. They understand the fear. Hell, I spent my first several meetings drunk just to have the courage to go, and even then they accepted me, although I don't recommend going that way. Be kind to yourself and patient. I think someone mentioned calling and meeting someone in the program to talk to. It always helps to know someone at the first few meetings so you won't feel alone. Until then, you've got "here" to talk. My best to you.
Chris
-- Edited by Wren on Monday 19th of September 2011 01:50:09 AM
It was super scary and also wonderful to go to my first meeting. A relief, which was not something I knew much about because the blissed moments while drunk began to get more fleeting and the non-drunk time awake more and more painful. When I actually went to the meeting I went because I knew I had a drinking problem and I wanted to stop. I didn't know anything really about AA and my preconceived ideas were pretty well debunked. It's worked for me, and then so much more. Big welcome to MIP, this is a great place to be too.
Welcome Hellotoall...glad you are here and I related to your post too. When I got into recovery I didn't know anything about alcoholism and probably couldn't spell the word if I have to. I didn't know that I didn't know so I was a real newbie. Everything and everyone around me was about alcohol and so the first instruction/promise made to me was "If you keep and open mind you will find help". I was of the thinking that people who got drunk often were bad people...immoral until I learned at an early meeting that "ours isn't a moral issue, its a medical one...I have a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions." That cleared up some feelings and awarenesses and I kept coming for more.
Doing something new with people I don't know often is fearful however from experience that fear is usually very temporary. Open meetings are just that "Open" and inviting to all. Most are there like you are asking for enlightenment and some kind of understanding of what the problem is and how do we find answers and get help. It took me a lot of "coming backs" to "get into" the program however I did some of the stuff I was directed to do by those who came before me and have been alcohol free now for a long time.
If you focus on getting into the program and working it just for today you don't have to project into the future especially with fear of relapse. We do "just today" and turn tomorrows over. Relapse is a big concern for me however I do what I just mentioned and also learn from relapsers what I need to avoid.
Good having you here and I hope you stick around. Honesty as mentioned in HOW is a big tool especially with family and friends.
(((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 19th of September 2011 01:22:30 PM
You have helped to remind me of what it was like trying to muster up the courage to get to my first meeting. I know how scarred I was. I also remember how comfortable the ppl there made me feel. I was not alone.
I would suggest going ... just sit and listen. There are no rules in an AA meeting. Give it a shot, what have you got to lose? .... besides your life.
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