I'm thirty, I started drinking at 15, I never had a crash or hit bottom, but I always liked alcohol way too much. When other people stopped at drink #2, 3, 4, I kept going to 5, 6, 7. My parents nagged me, my friends said I drank too often and too much, but since it was never a problem, I just thought I could keep a handle on it. i'm a "good girl" from the suburbs with good grades, I don't party, I'm a nerd, I'm a gamer, a librarian.
Since I moved to The Big City a year ago, and been unemployed or underemployed steadily, boredom and self-blame has set in, and a lot of depression. Alcohol has become a good friend. My weekend movie-and-vodka-with-dinner has become nearly nightly two-vodkas-and-tv; I used to start drinking at 9, once a week; now it's almost every night, starting at 6 pm, and I go out with friends or to dance clubs on the weekends where I drink pretty heavily, simply because those things are accessible now. I used to have a no alcohol on school nights rule, but i haven't abided by that in almost a year. What happened?
So, last night was the first night I decided not to drink in the evening. I feel strange today, jittery and anxious. I'm not sure if it's emotional or physical. I feel like I can't wake up, and my apartment is too small and stuffy. I'm drinking my second big cup of coffee, and I can't focus on applying to jobs. I'm watching Intervention to remind me of why I need to stick to this -- and I'm writing it out here for the first time.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to go to 12 Steps b/c I'm thoroughly a-religious. I don't have a plan. I always have a plan before I do anything. I think I need help.
you can be a-religious and do 12 step program, I'm not going to sell you a product you don't want right now, but if in the future you find you can't stop drinking, come find me, I'll be here, and explain how I did it, and I was rabidly anti-religious, antipathy doesn't even begin to cover how I felt about religions, now ...I don't care, we all have a struggle and anything that helps is a good thing, and in AA no one beliefs are anyone else's business, that means they don't get to shove their beliefs down your throat, and you don't get to shove your non belief down theirs, a man's relationship with his higher power or lack thereof is a deeply personal one, carefully guarded on both our steps and our traditions
You want help?
We can show you how to stop drinking
You don't? we'll embrace you and wish you well, and ask you your share your journey with us here at MIP
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to go to 12 Steps b/c I'm thoroughly a-religious. I don't have a plan. I always have a plan before I do anything. I think I need help.
Greetings Regina, Glad you made it here Sounds like you might be @ the entrence to AA. Not having a plan is a really really good thing if you want to turn things around. People who come to AA and have plans cant really hear what they need to hear, or what is being said. They are too busy thinking about their plan. nd as a result, don't make much progress. To me, you sound like you fit here in AA. One clue for you to think about is that normal people don't come to AA or places like this talking about things you were talking about. What they do does not bother them because its not a problem. Sounds like its a problem for you. That's a good thing. I understand about the religious thing. I was like that too when I first arrived and would run away from meetings because of the talk of God. I knew so much from 10 years of theological studies, that no one could tell me any thing new, as a result it took some more ass wooping from alcohol to open my ears to what was really being said. Lin is right in that AA's position about God is as he said. There is nothing about the AA program that conflicts with any religion, in fact most AA members that belong to religious affiliations make better members. There is a quote in the back of our AA book found in a small writing called "the spiritual experience" and it says......"
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorancethat principle is contempt prior to investigation.
Herbert Spencer
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Welcome to the MIP forum. I got sober in AA @ age 24 (a good kid, college grad from the suburbs ) and now have almost 27 yrs sober. I was A-religious and I basically still am, but I see it's value for some people and opt to live and let live. I just went through the motions and used the group as my higher power at first.
I have been blessed with a great life that was saved by the people and AA program.
Sounds like you are going through some mild withdrawls. in my case I felt a little dizzy and unfocused for about 4-5 days. If withdrawl gets bad don't hesitate to get medical help, can be dangerous. If you are still very depressed after a month or 2 off alchohol you may want to visit a Pych.
Our chances of staying sober are very slim unless we change up some playmates and playgrounds. If you want to go to some AA meetings I would suggest calling the local central office and someone can pick you up or make contact to meet you at the meeting. Not much to lose, I we keep on doing what we've always done we'll keep on getting what we always got.
I hope this can help. Take Care, Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Congrats. Feeling jittery and anxious at first is totally normal, and it will go away. I have always had big problems with insomnia and anxiety -- it's why I started drinking in the first place -- but you will be amazed how much calmer you feel once your body adjusts to not having alcohol every night. Stick with it, you can do it!
It's not a religious program at all. Spiritual would be the best way to describe it. It's your own journey that you do surrounded by freinds. But don't worry about that bit right now. Just get to some meetings and listen to the old timers for the moment.
Give it six months and, hey, if you find it's not for you the bars will still be there and your misery will be refunded, but somehow I reckon you won't want it back.
Oh yeah, and just for the record, I don't believe in god either, and AA has made getting sober such a positive experience for me, and so much easier than trying to do on my own (which I tried and failed at lots of times).
