ive just started going to aa after not drinking now for 10 days.it took a lot of willpower to force myself to go but i owed myself something. i never thought myself as an alcoholic as i binge drink on weekends sporting events concerts etc, ive been doing this every weekend since 16 and im now 42, my whole social life has revolved round drinking and the pub. im on medication(anti depressants) have been basically for the last 15 years, always ignored drs advice on cutting down drinking as i never felt comfortable when out not having a drink. but lately the constant negativity, depression and mental problems im going thru has made me do something abt it. ive also had a gambling addiction which i lost vast sums of money(i go to ga also).
ive done the last two weekends going to football and seeing everyone around me drinking apart from me on lime and sodas, but i do feel weird and somewhat out of place. im on benefits and have been sighned off by my docter with bipolar disorder. the no job no car no girlfriend is getting me down at the moment. i just dont seem to click with women and the loneliness just creeps in. i still dont feel comfortable at the meetings because of all the talk of higher power and god. im totally not religious and just cant imagine me praying to a god etc.
i just love though the feeling of no hangovers on a sunday or after a massive binge drinking session, also ive been so negative, uptight about the whole world we live, and just lose the plot when im drinking as the medication doesnt work when im drinking.
im happy ive stopped for a couple of weeks but have got to sort my brain into thinking about good things which im not doing now.
hope i find the power to keep going to meetings but as i said already the talk of god higher power and sponsers is freaking me out at the moment. im also paranoid about sharing in meetings as my drinking and life seems a bit less dramatic than the speakers ive heard so far.
some advice would be well appreciated my dear people. gaz
Hello gaz and welcome to the board and the program. AA is not a religious program, it's a spiritual one. The only reason that the word "God" is in the literature (imo) is because of the time that it was written ('30's-'40's). There are no requirements for being a member and you don't have to believe in anything other than a desire to stop drinking. Follow suggestions pays off though and, as one that didn't "get it" for the first couple of years, I wished that I would've followed some of the suggestions in the beginning as I wasted time and endured unneccessary pain. I would say that 1/2 or more of the folks that come in and stay where either agnostics or atheists. Most of them were able to stay sober and find "a power greater than themselves" to put their belief in. We contemplate that "our best thinking (and self reliance) got us here. So what do we have to lose in trying something outside of our own brain power? Kudos to you for looking for help for your problem. It helps to look at it from a perspective that this disease can kill you. With that in mind, it also helps to have a willingness to "do whatever it takes" to get and stay sober. It requires some work and it's human nature to not want to work if there is no perceived benefit. Wanting to live, and live with sanity and dignity is benefit enough for most. However, there is a lot more benefits if we are willing to work them. Good luck in your new journey.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 29th of August 2011 12:25:15 PM
dean thanks so much for your views and insight. i will put some effort in and hopefully get my sanity and dignity back whatever it takes. ta very much gaz
check out "The Promises" in the AA "Big Book" that come as a result of working the steps.
" If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
Welcome to MIP. The best suggestions I can give is just keep bringing the body and the mind will follow, it is best to try to identify with the similarities you have with others in the rooms and opposed to just making comparisons.
As Dean mentioned, there is nothing religious about AA. Your story is similar to many of us, If we had the power and the answers we wouldn't be looking to AA meetings and forums for answers.
"HOW" is a acronym we use for the 3 most important elements for change. Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness. When the fear of continuing on our current path (which almost always gets worse), becomes greater than the fear of openly exploring concepts like a sponsor or higher power and the AA program, progress starts to occur.
Work on the HOW concepts and keep going to meetings, try it for 90 days. If you don't like it we will gladly refund you your misery.
Hope this can help.
Take care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Gidday Gazza, Look for the similarities, not the differences and try to keep an open mind. There are only three things needed so succeed with AA: Honesty, open mindedness and willingness, but these are indispensible. John Barleycorn is often the best persuader if all else fails. Mate, alcohol is a depressant, so with anti-depressants do you think the two might cancel each other out? Usually, when an alcoholic stops drinking (takes way the depressant) there is a sort of honeymoon period which might last two or three weeks, then comes a big crash as the mood swings the other way, then it bounces back again. these swings settle down after a while, but they are hard to handle.I hoped mine were a sign that I had a grave mental illness! Can you believe that? I would rather have been a certified lunatic than an alcoholic! My advice is to invest the honeymoon in AA getting to know some people and making a few friends, and working out if you want what we have.
None of us came into AA with our act all together. It's okay to be where you are. If you have declared you have hit your bottom and are ready to surrender, the only place to go now is up.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aloha Gaza...just a clue...Alcohol IS a chemical depressant and alcoholism is the continued compulsion and obsession to alcohol inspite of all of the damage it does.
Now back to our program. I'm glad you found this portal because there is huge help here for someone who wants to get and stay sober which isn't the same as being just alcohol free. Alcohol affected every part of my life...mind, body, spirit and emotions; all of me and when I was ready to not do it any more like getting off of booze and onto to AA recovery most all of my problems just went away.
Issues about God...don't have any. My problem was alcohol and all my issues were about alcohol too. Sitting around with sober people and listening to them talk about their relationship with a power greater than themselves has been very good for me cause none of it is about the one power greater than myself I said "uncle" to and then quit and that higher power was booze. I was told to get a power greater than myself and not to drink anymore so I got the idea I had to trade higher powers and that my higher power be one of my own understanding that I could build a relationship with on our own time and I have and my HP's name isn't near the same as others around me and I don't care because I've done what was suggested to me which helped me come in contact with my HP.
Keep coming back because you can do it. Someone said listen to the similarities between us and you. We know how your shoes fit.
good day to you jerry. thanks for taking time to offer me your words of wisdom. i will take it all on board and work towards that great goal. i shared at a meeting last night which made me feel quite good about myself, and i will certainly keep going to meetings. thanks agains to you jerry and everyone else gaz
