Hello Everyone, I am new here and very unsure of myself. I know I drink too much, but I am not sure I want to stop drinking. I started drinking more heavily while my husband was deployed and now I want to drink all the time. I am not sure I am ready to admit I'm an alcoholic because it doesn't seem that extreme. I usually just drink on the weekends and I've never had any legal trouble over it (obviously since I'm here there is a problem though). What was the turning point that made you realize you needed help? What should be my next step? Also, I am not sure I believe in God so I don't know how AA could work for me.
i felt the same way as you 11years ago.i tryed to stop drinking to please everyone else.but then the need for a drink set in,the compulsion,the selfisnness then the sickness.
one day i was not feeling sick,i never had the shakes,but the compulsion was in my head.at those times shop did not sell drink till 12 so i went round all the places were the young ones sat and i knew some times they left drink{?}in their bottles,i did not care what was in the bottle i would have drunk it! thankfully i never found any!
so over time i stopped drinking for a week...drank for three,stopped drinking for 2 and drank for 2 stopped drinking 3 drank for 1 week..........not all at once,over a time until now i do not drink.the compulsion has disappeared.
it sounds easy but the hell i went through to get were i am now was worth evry pain,evry hanging my head in a bucket being sick.....to know joy and peace we have to know pain and sorrow...then we know true happiness.
through the fellowship,the 12 step programme i have a life today were not only my family are proud of me...but i am proud of me.
i hope you get to were i am....becauses all the "I naver did that yet" are all just yets were drink is concerned.
Many times people have asked me over the years if I think they might be an alcoholic. I tell them it's not for me to say, but the fact that they are concerned or think they might be at least indicates they think alcohol has become a problem in their life. My suggestion is to attend a few open AA meetings, listen to the stories when people share and decide for yourself
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
First off, welcome. Secondly, nobody goes to AA because they want to "find God" persay. We all went because of our drinking also. The "higher power" aspect of AA is there because most of us reached the point of drinking in response to everything we were afraid of, couldn't cope with, or found intolerable. The best method for learning to deal with those daily life challenges is to develop some type of belief system that is faith based. It does not have to be "religious" by any means. It's just a method of developing some internal fortitude. Keep an open mind and it shouldn't be a problem for you.
Also, I went through a phase where I was like "I think I have a problem." I would not want you to continue on like I did for years until it then reached a point of "I know I have a problem and now my whole life sucks and is in shambles." You can stop the elevator of this disease and get off at any floor. Please don't ride it all the way to the bottom.
In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome. There's a saying that you hit bottom when you choose to stop digging. As a good friend put it, "There's no minimum requirement for AA."
Wanting to drink all the time sounds like a significant sign of trouble. It also sounds like you harbor a lot of stereotypes about what an "alcoholic" is. For the record, I am a 30-something professional woman and never let drinking directly affect my work. I "only" drank wine in the evenings. I've never had any legal troubles (although I definitely drove drunk plenty of times). I hid my drinking so well that everyone in my life except my best friend was shocked to learn that I had quit drinking because I was an alcoholic.
I started having a glass of wine before bed to deal with the insomnia that has plagued me my whole life. Over the course of over a decade, that gradually progressed to two bottles of wine every night. I knew I had a problem when I kept rearranging things in my life to make sure nothing interfered with my drinking, and then tried to stop on my own (repeatedly) for a month... then a week... but never made it more than a few days.
Why not try going to a meeting (I recommend one that's single-gender) and just checking it out? There's no commitment, and you don't even have to talk if you don't want to.
Oh and BTW I don't believe in god either. The AA program is about honesty, giving up trying to control everything, and gaining peace by making up for the things in our past that plague us. Religion is only part of it if you choose to make it so.
all the above replies are brilliant...please listen with an open heart and try an open meeting of a.always look for similarities and not differences good luck xoxoxo
Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol )powerless=any driving force that is beyond your control or out of control(your drinking more and more? and our lives have become unmanageable(unmanageability= 2 kinds outward,can be seen by others ,obvious getting drunk,doing things you might not do in sobriety,job loss family problems etc inward=unhealthy or untrue beliefs about ourselves,the world we llive in and the people in our lives.Emotional volatility is a major sign of personal unmanageability...Take a look inside,only you can make the admission.Won't hurt to show up at a meeting and listen,maybe share how you are feeling.We are also a spiritual not religious program and anyone is free to join us regardless of religion or lack of religion.You are free to choose your own concept of "GOD" even if that is no GOD" at all.We come to believe (a process)in a Power greater than ourselves could be the group,something you hear shared, a sponsor any other thing only guidelines are it is not you and it is loving and caring and greater than you.Coming to believe is a process and not an event that may grow as you become honest ,openminded andwillinging.We alwas suggest making a meeting,listening to whats being said,share if you can and use the premise of (HOW)TALK WITH OTHERS AND SEARCH INSIDE YOUR HEART.Keep coming back let us know how your doing okay.Our message is hope and the promise of freedom from active addiction.........the only requirement to join us is "the desire to stop drinking"only you know that desire!!! peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
well the way most people choose to find out if they are an alcoholic or not is to keep drinking until they are morally and spiritually, if not physically bankrupt and losing everything that is important to them including their marriage and children, but it's not a requirement, others begin coming to meetings, find someone who is knowledgeable, and sitting down with a copy of our textbook and going over the first few chapters to find out if they alcoholic
Alcoholism is bit like pregnancy, you either have it or you don't, it just shows more in it's stages
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Aloha Butterfly and welcome to the board. I hope you continue to come and read and listen and try some of the stuff that is mentioned here that we have done. I was also not sure I was alcoholic at the start of my sobriety and I went 9 years without another drink before filling out an assessment on how I "use to" drink; and then I went to my very first "for me" AA meeting. I didn't bounce in the doors of that meeting all smiles and such, I crept in and sat in the corner in the dark just like I use to drink and then the miracle started to happen. If you're curious take the assessment or go to 90 meetings in 90 days and just sit, listen and learn. 90 days isn't such a long time considering how long you've been drinking already. The disease of alcoholism is progressive "over time" and just from listening to you post I can here that it has already formed a relationship with you that is so important to you that you're leaning more toward continuing it rather than not. Alcoholism is also a fatal disease...progresses toward insanity and death if not arrested by total abstinence and then you're not convinced you are one...go sit in open meetins of AA with a very open mind looking at similarities between our experiences and yours and then decide. If you look for the differences you will miss the connection.
As for God...AA is a spiritual program not a religious one except for working and living the principles. Spiritual means all kindsa stuff to all kindsa alcoholics. God is a God of our own perception and beliefs which change over time even to those who have been born and raised within the culture of organized religion like myself and then in recovery I have been allowed and supported to work on that relationship to where the God of my understanding "Is" and always "has been" before the organizations showed up. Today my understanding comes from my cultural up bringing... indigenous to pacific islanders before they were visited by outsiders. Don't worry to hard about making the connection with a Higher Power which is powerful enough to make the connection on its own.
Keep coming back. The program works (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to "MIP". The reservations you have about "God" or "AA" should not affect your standing within this wonderful fellowship itself. In fact, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Period...So, don't allow anyone the opportunity to discourage of hasten your recovery efforts, just approach sobriety as others have; with an open mind and humble heart.
Many members have recovered without the use of organized religion and so can you. They've chosen a different path and rely instead on the strength of others, and the common knowledge found within the "AA" fellowship itself. If others choose to explore certain spiritual avenues outside the fellowship of AA, then so be it. However, it's not a requirement. All you have to do is show up and listen. How you proceed from there, is up to you. I hope you make the right choice, for today.
You also asked another important question. When did I finally realize the truth about my alcoholism? That's any easy one. It was the day I almost drove my car under the wheels of a tractor trailer while in the midst of a drunken stupor. That...was my worst experience ever, bar none. And that, of course, was also the day my alcoholism finally stood out. Dont get me wrong, my past was certainly riddled with the stench of alcohol in its most humiliating form -up to that point, but it was in no way a reason to stop. I had to reach the point of no return before I asked for help. And when I did, the help I so desperately needed was literally a block or two away. "AA" was my first real glimpse of recovery, and I thank God every day for that. They quickly became my strong tower and were there for me when I needed them the most. I haven't looked back since -thank God, and I hope the same can be said for you, one day at a time.
Of course, the next step for me was to get a home group and a sponsor. I've had the same sponsor and home group since my early days - thank God, and I continue to follow their suggestions even as we speak. What I've learned and experienced from there has been truly rewarding, allowing me the privilege of maintaining a quality of life for 10+ years now. My life, that seemed so unmanageable at one time, has been radically transformed through the workings of "AA". That was my epiphanny and one that set my mind straight, as my new life began to unfold. And now I sit here 10 years later, briming with excitement over what I've found. The freedom to enjoy life without any lingering doubts about my alcoholism and what my future may hold. I hope you receive the same outpouring of support as I have, butterfly, and start enjoying all the benefits of this wonderful sober life, for many years to come.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 29th of August 2011 12:16:32 AM
Thanks for all the welcoming responses. I took the assessment and got 7 yes'. I kinow I have a problem, but I am not sure I am ready to go to a meeting yet...I don't want to tell my husband because he thinks that I should just be able to stop if I want to and counseling and groups llike AA are a crutch.
your husbands response is exactly the same as my the majority of my families opinion when i first began my journey into recovery from alcoholism. i was 28 years old at the time. fortunately for me, i had gone to meetings for about 2 months and read the "big book" AA .in the pages of that book i saw myself..at least it was clear to me that i indeed had a problem with drinking. though like yourself i didnt drink "everyday" no legal problems..and i also didnt believe in God. i read all the pamphlets they have at the meetings, and started to connect the dots as they say. this was in 1987, ive been sober ever since. not a day goes by where im not grateful. As for my families "misconceptions" of what an alcoholic is....they became educated..mostly in the beginning by the pamphlets i left lying around the house. (grins) I was terrified at my first meeting..in fact i hid out in the back for a very long time. I went to a meeting every day for 2 months then skipped a day. When i came in, everyone (and i didnt know they were aware of me) asked how i was and if i was ok..and expressed concern...I was moved to tears..(tho i hid this) 90 meetings in 90 days has been suggested to you..i totally agree...only you will know if you are "one" of us..and if you are....Then "welcome home" hun.
Thanks for all the welcoming responses. I took the assessment and got 7 yes'. I kinow I have a problem, but I am not sure I am ready to go to a meeting yet...I don't want to tell my husband because he thinks that I should just be able to stop if I want to and counseling and groups llike AA are a crutch.
When we are ready, when our alcoholism gets bad enough, other peoples opinons mean less then nothing when it comes to saving our own lives
don't let his opinion stand between you and health/dying miserably, it's not worth it
you can't save your ass and your face at the same time
-- Edited by LinBaba on Monday 29th of August 2011 02:41:18 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Thanks for all the welcoming responses. I took the assessment and got 7 yes'. I kinow I have a problem, but I am not sure I am ready to go to a meeting yet...I don't want to tell my husband because he thinks that I should just be able to stop if I want to and counseling and groups llike AA are a crutch.
I had a wife that thought similarly. I asked her on numerous ocasions to not keep alcohol in the house, in which she replied "it's not my problem". Well she is "not my wife" anymore lol. A lot of times, either the sobriety doesn't survive the marriage, or the marriage doesn't survive the sobriety. Mine was the later. What followed was 5 years of sobriety and being single again, which was awesome ala second childhood. Wife #2 (of 17 years) "is an Angel of the 1st degree".
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 29th of August 2011 04:05:14 PM
I blamed my ex for my drinking. I thought, if I wasn't living with a drunk I won't need to drink too. If she would stop bringing it home, I won't drink it.
When I gave her an ultimatum to choose alcohol or our marriage, she left. To my surprise, I continued to drink. I was sick and tired of being drunk all the time but didn't know how to quit and needed help.
When you break your leg it's OK to use a crutch or a wheelchair or whatever else you need to get better.
I didn't blame my x but I did suggest that she leave when It was apparent, after two years of going to meetings, that I wasn't getting sober, living with a daily drinker. It took a couple of months, after the split up, to make some changes to my program (90 in 90, quality sponsor, working steps, making friends in the program and associating with them instead of my drinking friends...) to have my last drink, summer of '89.
Many times people have asked me over the years if I think they might be an alcoholic. I tell them it's not for me to say, but the fact that they are concerned or think they might be at least indicates they think alcohol has become a problem in their life. My suggestion is to attend a few open AA meetings, listen to the stories when people share and decide for yourself
well the way most people choose to find out if they are an alcoholic or not is to keep drinking until they are morally and spiritually, if not physically bankrupt and losing everything that is important to them including their marriage and children, but it's not a requirement, others begin coming to meetings, find someone who is knowledgeable, and sitting down with a copy of our textbook and going over the first few chapters to find out if they alcoholic
Alcoholism is bit like pregnancy, you either have it or you don't, it just shows more in it's stages
THE FIRT STEP IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM...IF YOU HAD CANCER YOU WOULD GO TO A DOCTOR,YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SORT IT YOURSELF.ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE....IT IS THE ONLY ILLNESS THAT WE REFUSE TO ADMIT TO...BUT WHAT IS THE SHAME OF IT?
SOME PEOPLE SMOKE,EAT CHOCOLATE OR GAMBLE...OUR WAY TO FACE LIFE IS TO DRINK...GO WITH AN OPEN MIND..I TELL YOU AFTER YOUR FIRST MEETING YOU CAN NEVER DRINK THE SAME AGAIN,THE SEED WILL BE PLANTED...
I WISH YOUR HUSBAND COULD LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS AWFUL ILLNESS...I HAVE LOST A SON IN 2004 TO IT, A TERRIBLE THING TO WATCH YOUR SON BLEED TO DEATH THROUGH VARIUS VEINS!! MY YOUNGEST SON WAS MURDERED IN 2009 BUT IF THIS TERRIBLE THING HAD NOT HAPPENED I KNOW HE WOULD HAVE DIED OF THIS CURSE OF A DISEASE......I MISS THEM SO SO MUCH!
WHEN DRINK STARTS TO AFFECT YOUR HEALTH,YOUR MARRIAGE,YOUR DAILY LIFE...THEN IT IS A PROBLEM....YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YOU ARE ALCOHOLIC AT FIRST...JUST THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT...ONE DAY YOU WILL COME TO BELIEVE AND KNOW.
I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST....IKNOW IT IS SO HARD...BUT WALKING INTO AN AA MEETING IS THE ONLY KIND OF GATHERING WERE EVERYONE WILL GREET YOU,PUT YOU AT EASE AND TALK TO YOU...CAN YOU IMAGINE WALKING INTO A CLUB AND GETTING THAT!
