"We didn't stumble into this fellowship brimming with love, honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness....When we were beaten, we became willing.""Basic Text, p. 20Surrender may be the necessary foundation for recovery, but sometimes we fight it. Most of us look back after some clean time and wonder why on earth we fought so hard to deny our powerlessness when surrender is what finally saved our lives.

######ROSIE......i was beaten down almost to the count!!!!! the referee was counting about 9-1/2 when i staggered to my feet, bleeding, broken, wanting to quit!!! instead i came into recovery.....i confess, i was preparaing for another suicide when my friend got me to come here.......the pain got so bad, it broke me!!!!! i fought life/ resisted circumstances/ suffered more disasters than 10 life times....i had HAD it!!!!!! ....the biggest trigger/ surrender/ was my life saver.....to me, i associated surrendering to the beast, having to be his outlet for his devient sex desires.....i had to *surrender* my self to the beast!!!! so to me surrendering was especially hard!!! it triggered me for obvious reasons what??? surrender to a remote and capricous/ uncaring/ whimsical/ punitive God???? for so long it was "NO"!!! but life beat me down.....my sickness due to my being abused for so long finally did me in enough to get me into recovery......i had no idea that surrendering does NOT mean giving my self up in that i am some automaton "pull my string and i jump" that is not what God meant by surrendering.......my HP of my understanding WANTS me to be individual *perfectly imperfect* unique in a healthy way...to have choice...to have good health/ abundence/ love and self expression.....and to DO what i can do...and THAN turn over the parts i am powerless over.........ironically, the more control i give UP.....the more i have!!!!! looking back....i see the futility in denying my own powerlessness over the darkness that was smothering me......

As we recover, new opportunities to surrender present themselves. We can either struggle with everyone and everything we encounter or we can recall the benefits of our first surrender and stop fighting.Most of the pain we experience comes from fighting, not surrendering. In fact, when we surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place. We begin to believe that all will be well and, after some time, realize that our lives are much better as a result. We feel the same way we did when we gave up the illusion that we could control our using-relieved, free, and filled with fresh hope.Just for today: Is there a surrender I need to make today? I will remember my first surrender and remind myself that I don't need to fight anymore.